A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Dear Cupid,When I first moved to this country, I never imagined it would turn this bad. Everything was going so well, I found a boy who liked me a lot and we started going out. I was so happy. Then I went to my home town to visit family I had not seen in over 12 years, and that's when I met one of my cousins. I don't know how it began but I fell for him. We keep it a secret because we know our family wouldn't approve of it. But each day that goes by makes it so much harder for me. I left my boyfriend for him because I can't think of being with anyone that isn't him. My mind tells me it's wrong to love him because he's my first cousin, and on top of that he's younger than me. But I don't understand why it has to be wrong. I've tried looking for answers, but I can't find any. The last time I visited I made up my mind I would push him away, but it only hurt him, and it hurt me too. I'm so confused. We never speak of what we did because we both know we can't be together. I don't know what to do. Should I tell him how I feel?
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHello Agony Aunts,This is an update on my situation, but first I'd like to thank you all. I had so much negativity going on because of my situation. And I tried to punish myself because of it. But after reading your replies, I honestly felt so much better and relieved. Sometimes I still feel a little bad because of my family, but I've come to embrace what I feel. And I've come to accept there is nothing wrong with my feelings. But on my situation now, I got a chance to talk to my cousin recently (it feels so weird to call him that, but that's how it is). Even though we didn't have a chance to lay out our cards and speak clearly about everything, we were able to speak of what we feel for one another. It's mutual. I'm really happy about that. If I don't think that he is my cousin, I feel like I found a perfect guy for me. Of course I won't forget we are blood related, but that's become such a minimum issue now. Once again, thank you for helping me in my moment of distress. I'll keep you updated if anything. We still have a lot to talk about. And I want to make sure it's not just a "phase" for him. That's another little tick for me. I'm a bit insecure since he is younger. I've been coping with the fact he's my cousin already, but now this comes up. I don't want to open up all the way just to get hurt. So that's a big conversation topic we'd have to discuss. But enough of that. Thank you! Till next time!
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 February 2012): Sounds like you are getting some thoughtful support. Let me throw in the known facts. This is biology, and I assume that nature's attitude is "babies are good" so what is the fertilty of cousin marriages and how fertile are their children. That has been answered by this articleAn Association between Kinship and Fertility of Human Couples Agnar Helgason et al. SCIENCE vol. 329 no. 5864 February 8, 2008 page 813 - 816Bottom line is that cousins are the best mates, although first cousins might be a bit close. You'll have to but the article from sciencemag.org for few buck or hunt some of it down on nobabies.net. Over history, we have married a lot of cousins. Of course we had too. In the long run if nobody marries cousins (second cousins are better than first, it looks like) the population will die out. HEre's a blog from a renounced anthropologist.http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-tribal-imagination/201107/kissing-cousins-mediogamyBest wish for the best of luck and happiness.
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A
female
reader, Lily 10  +, writes (8 February 2012):
Ouch! This must be painfull for you, but your family DON'T rule your life, tell them the truth, i hope it workds out.
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A
female
reader, alyssajanemccarton  +, writes (8 February 2012):
 Hello! :) girl, just so you know, love is love. If you really feel something for him, don't hurt yourself and push him away and even hurt him in the process too. If you 2 love each other, I don't see why you 2 can't be together. So what if he's younger than you? Or your first cousin? Honestly speaking though, many people will think that it's weird to fall in love with your cousin. Therefore should you 2 become official, it might arouse a lot of controversy in your family. Yet, if you 2 are ready for that, I support you guys all the way! People in many European countries have married their cousins too! Mexico, Canada, and all European countries DO NOT prohibit first cousins to marry. That's a law. Even though talking about marriage between you guys now is a bit too early, i hope it gives you the courage AND knowledge to realize that loving him is not wrong AT ALL. :). Have a little faith and talk to him about your relationship. Also, if you need someone to talk to about this, please feel free to message me. Stay strong!
P.S. I know how you feel too. My first cousin is in love with me Q_Q.
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