A
male
age
51-59,
*eminga
writes:My ex-wife and I have been divorced for six years , now. It was a nasty, bitter divorce with a custody battle. For years we've fought more than we've gotten along. Recently, her and I were at our kids' birthday party and I was shocked. We were talking and she just seemed so much more mature and together. I never believed I would hear these things from her. We began seeing each other. She would spend the night, sometimes several nights with me. The whole time she was telling me that she just wanted to have fun and did not want to get serious with anyone. She is seeing a few different guys and I'm one of them. Problem is I am completely in love with her. I mean I am over the moon for this woman. More so than we first met. This is the woman I've always wanted. But she's not in love with me. I thought the fact we had kids together and were once married would give me an edge, but it doesn't seem to be enough. I know I have a special place in her heart, but it's not the same. She just doesn't feel the same.Should I give up and go away or should I hang in there and keep trying to show her that we are meant for each other? It tears me up that she sees other people, but I have to deal with it or I can't see her at all. What should I do? I am so heart-sick.
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male
reader, NeoOnix +, writes (8 December 2010):
The fact remain what they are: she's a player. How can you be serious about someone who isn't serious about you? Answer is, you can't. You try to win her love, but if push her too far, you'll wind up with her disliking you and pushing away.
Second, falling in love eventually didn't get you anywhere, so what do you think falling in love with her now will? She's got be in love with you from that start. Else it wont work.
Three. being friends might be more exciting than you think. At least, she'll remain in your life for it. Besides, being friends with her wont get you hurt emotionally or physically with an STD.
Finally, as much as you would want to give in to your emotions and do away with your inhibitions -- you can't! You have to love and respect yourself more. I felt the same about my ex-wife and would like pursue a relationship with her but I know I can't. If she didn't respect me when we were married, she may not respect me entirely now. She may think I came crawling back to her. Two, she's already getting use to being alone and/or a woman of play. If that's the case, the one ting I've got o be mindful of is that she may have more skeletons in her closet than I realize. Lastly, one night of fun may give both us (you and I) a lifetime of pain; ruined man-hoods for life.
My best advice to you is to keep being friends (preferably as distant as possible), live your life, and don't look back.
Good luck bro!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 June 2010): truthfully the thing that will help you the most is to find someone else that you are truly interested in. not someone that you are using to get over her, but someone that you enjoy being around and find attractive. dont try to move too fast that is what forms unhealthy relationships. it sounds like you are trying to do all the right things and at some point you will just realize that you feel better. little by little it will be less painful. minimize contact as much as possible. good luck sweetheart, mal
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A
male
reader, Geminga +, writes (25 June 2010):
Geminga is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thank you for the great responses and for taking the time to respond. I pretty much never hear from my ex anymore. She never returns my texts and it's been weeks since we've spent any time together. I don't understand why I can't at least be one of the men she sees, but apparently it's over. Here's my follow up question.
Our lives are going to be forever intertwined because of our children. So, how I can I begin to get over her when I have to speak to her and see her on a regular basis? I've been doing everything I'm supposed to be doing to get over her. I'm working out, staying busy, reconnected with old friends, kicked my social life back into gear and I'm actively trying to date. But she is in my life and I can't even begin to get over her because I have to talk to her and see her. I don't know what else to do. I want to move on and not be unhealthy for someone new, but I can't even start healing. Help!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2010): i think you are too available. you have made peace and possible some progress but she just isnt at that place where she is ready to settle down to one man. im sorry but i think you should try to date others and not limit yourself to this one unavailable woman. maybe she will miss you.....mal
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A
female
reader, Xolani  +, writes (15 June 2010):
 The question is will you live with the fact that you get together when she was still seeing other people. You'll get hurt in the long run. Relationships must be build upon trust, will you be able to trust her when you leave her with your friends.
She is looking for fun, nothing serious live it at that.
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