A
female
age
41-50,
*hicaBlusera
writes:I've loved my best friend of five years for a long time, and I used to think that he was interested in me as a girlfriend. We live in different countries but I eventually plan on returning to his country and I always hoped we'd wind up together one day. The trouble is, he has a girlfriend, and he says he loves her and he builds his world around her. It makes me crazy that someone I love so much is loving and being romantic with someone else. I feel overcome with regret, wondering if things would have worked out if I had done something differently. I met him when i was in college, and I think that at one point I had a chance with him and I'm so scared I lost it forever. I keep wondering if I should have pursued a long distance relationship with him, and I keep torturing myself, wondering if we would have been together. I didn't reject him because I didn't want him. I was afraid that if we got into a long distance relationship and it didn't work out that we wouldn't be best friends anymore. I think about him all the time and always hoped that I would return to Mexico (his country) and then we could start something. I loved him then and I love him now, more than I've ever loved anybody. I would like to win his heart but I'm scared that I've lost my chance with him forever because of my stupidity. I can never love anyone else as much as I love him and it's torturing me to know that i ruined my chance at finding love. He says that he would have liked to have shared his life with me but now he has another girlfriend. He was so cruel to me; he told me that I'm his best friend but he loves her more than he loves me (if I'm his best friend, it sounds like a mixed message). I keep torturing myself, thinking, I could have been that special girl in his life. This is killing me. What do I do? I've tried to move on but I know that he's meant for me.
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best friend, different countries, has a girlfriend, long distance, move on Reply to this Question
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female
reader, goneil +, writes (13 January 2011):
I promise you that you are not the only one who feels this every day of their life. I spend every day wishing I was in Germany with the man I feel deeply in love with. All I can do is dream that one day I can be with him. I truly believe that there is a one and only and it is not fair to us to settle with just anyone. If you've never felt this feeling you don't understand. How I wish that I had fallen for someone in the U.S. It would have been so easy! But to those that don't believe, I believe that there is a one and only and some of us happened to find them in someone of a different culture. It is not the culture that catches our attention though. It is the person themselves. The way they smile... the way they get frustrated when you do something stupid, but always just laugh it off in the end. The way you try and think of them as you fall asleep, but can never picture their face. It hurts... There are so few things that remind us of the joy that they bring us. It's totally normal to obsess over those things...I do. But I can promise you that one day, I will walk into where ever he is and look at him and tell him how I feel... even if it kills me. I know he needs to know.
A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (3 August 2008):
 I don't want to hurt you, but what this guy says makes sense. It does sound like he really liked you. However, you left for another country and didn't give a sign of wanting a relationship with him. You hope you will be able to return to Mexico, but don't know if you will. In the meantime, he has done the natural thing: he has found himself a girlfriend, fell for her, and is a loving man for her.He didn't reject you. And it's obvious he wasn't cruel, either. He was just direct. He played his hand of cards the best way he could, with the information he had at hand. Sometimes we make the wrong decisions, and it seems you did that. But there's no going back. I'm sorry if it breaks your heart, but my personal experience is that, the more heartbroken you are, the more you need the bare, hard, stubborn facts. That is the only way for you to really get a grip on yourself and move on to happy times.We all believe that we can't love anyone else. That's just not true. You can fall for someone else if you open your heart and give yourself a break. Which you need badly, by the way. You need to give yourself the chance to be happy. If you don't, you will regret it twenty years from now. He's not your only chance for happiness.She is not a spoiled brat, and she didn't take anything from you.There is nothing wrong with you. It was just that you weren't there. We all have found people we would love and would be perfect for us if only we have found them earlier. Julio Iglesias sings a wonderful song in that regard: "Llegamos tarde los dos a nuestro encuentro en la vida..." The two of us were late for our meeting in life...Give yourself a break, pamper yourself, date someone. That will help you. I know it will take you long, but, you will get over this.Have you heard that song by Massiel, "Brindaremos por él"?Deja de pensar y cuéntame.Ya sé que ayer estabas junto a él y hoy se ha ido.Ya se que has compartido junto a élla noche tibia y el amanecer.Ya sé que has descubierto junto a él la dicha...Ya sé que se ha parado tu reloj,pero ahora mismo vas a echarlo a andar.Es pronto para dar por un amor la vida.Bailaremos un vals.Tomaremos después una copa de másy hasta que salga el sol cantaremos al sonde una vieja guitarra.Brindaremos por ti,brindaremos por él,porque le vaya bieny mañana verás que es mejor olvidarque llorar por amor.Vuelve a sonreír. Olvídale.La vida es ancha y estos golpes del amor se olvidan.Después de cada noche nace un soly vuelven las gaviotas a volar.Después de la tristeza nacerá la dicha...Si hoy te han maltratado el corazóny duerme junto a ti la soledadno importa porque empieza un día más la vida.Bailaremos un vals.Tomaremos después una copa de másy hasta que salga el sol cantaremos al sonde una vieja guitarra.Brindaremos por ti,brindaremos por él,porque le vaya bieny mañana verás que es mejor olvidarque llorar por amor.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 July 2008): I choose to be cruel, just like you choose to be in love and feel sad. We all make choices in life. You choose to tell us your story and I choose to answer back. That's the great thing about life, we can choose to do lots of things, including moving on and finding somebody else to love. Take care of you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 July 2008): What do you want me to comfort you with Miss 29years old. Do you want me to tell you lies. Do you want me to tell you he loves you and everything will be alright. Well this is an advice line, and I've given you free advice. You should have told me in your post that you didn't want the truth you just wanted somebody to comfort you. I tell you only one other fact, you do need to grow up. You may be 29years old, but you don't sound like a grown up woman.
"It's just not fair that some other girl should get joy from him when i've loved him for so long." ChicaBlusera
"this spoiled little brat came and stole him from me and ruined my only chance at happiness" ChicaBlusera
I'd hate for any of the children on the board to see your post. They may speak funny, but even they know you can't steal people. The choose who they sould love without any force. This dosen't sound like love, it sounds like a sick obsesion. Well that's enough of that free advice. Comfort coming right up....
You poor baby. I don't know why he's treating you like this, it's just not fair. You go ahead and cry, it's all right to feel so angry about this. Why shouldn't he love you, your everything that a woman should be and you waited so long. I'm so sorry honey, that guy is a piece of shit. I don't know why he won't leave his girlfriend and leave that country and come and marry you. Is he blind, why can't he see what a great wife you'll make. Nobody will ever love him as you do. He ruined your life, he took away all your happiness, now you'll die alone and sad. That's just not right. I think you should phone his girlfriend and tell her how much you love him. Tell her to go away and demand that she give him back to you. She dosen't deserve him. You should have him instead...... I hate her too "she's such a spoiled little brat." He probably is going out of his mind having to be with her and pretend he loves her, not you.
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A
male
reader, oldfool  +, writes (1 July 2008):
 It's sad when the person we love slips beyond our grasp and I can understand your pain. But it's too early to write the rest of your life off yet!
The way ahead is to let him go and find someone new. You shouldn't keep pining about the one that got away; that will only stop you from finding the person out there who is REALLY meant for you.
You say you like Latin men. Well, there are plenty more Latin men out there, lots of GOOD Latin men out there, and there is surely one for you. Never think that you won't find someone "better" than the guy you've lost. "Better" and "worse" are meaningless words in this situation. You should go out and find someone "different". Every person is different, and what he lacks in some ways he will make up for in others.
Take it slowly, and start looking at the people out there. You may be surprised what you find.
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A
female
reader, ChicaBlusera +, writes (1 July 2008):
ChicaBlusera is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThat's a very cruel answer, to tell me to grow up? What the hell?? I'm 29 and I've been there for him, and this spoiled little brat came and stole him from me and ruined my only chance at happiness. If you can't comfort jme, don't bother answering my questions,.
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A
female
reader, ChicaBlusera +, writes (1 July 2008):
ChicaBlusera is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI'm not trying to be mean but I don't want some American man. I want a latino. I can't love some guy from my culture.
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A
female
reader, ChicaBlusera +, writes (1 July 2008):
ChicaBlusera is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI can't love anyone else! I've always loved latin men and wanted a latino or hispanic guys. I'm just not interested in guys from my own culture. It's just not fair that some other girl should get joy from him when i've loved him for so long.
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A
female
reader, ChicaBlusera +, writes (1 July 2008):
ChicaBlusera is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWhat's wrong with me? Why wasn't I good enough?
Could he love me back in the future?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 July 2008): He has a girlfriend. He not being cruel when he says he loves her more than you. He dosen't love you at all he loves his girlfriend. You know this, there is nothing you can do. You must move on with your life, forget him and the plans you had. He's not meant for you, he's meant for her. There is no mixed message. He's been clear. HE DOES NOT LOVE YOU. Remember "he has a girlfriend, and he says he loves her and he builds his world around her". You really must give up this obsession, it isn't healthy and it dosen't make you happy. You need to grow up and accept that sometimes people don't love you back. Sorry, but that's the way it is. There's a man out there waiting for you and he will love you with all his heart, unfortunately this man is not him.
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