A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi. I will not take your much of time so lets start with my problem.I'm in love with a girl. Its been 3 years since I fell in love with her. I'm 22 years old and she is 20 years. I know her because we are family friends.So the story starts. One day I was trying to sleep in my room at night when around 2230 hrs I got her first message. It was a best wishes message. I was shocked because at that time I was thinking of her but was a bit confused about approaching her. Well the talk went fine because she just wanted to have a friendship so I said OK. Well till now she is the only girl in my life.Well our friendship went fine for few days. One day I felt that like she is the only girl for me so just to keep her respect safe and her family's I told her that we cannot stay friends anymore. Another reason was that since I was in love with her so I tried to get her approved from my family before starting this relationship because once its done and she accepts me then I can treat her as my soulmate, as a good friend, as a lover and much more. There was one more reason that was if her parents came to know about this then the first thing they are gonna ask is what does he do for living? So just to get her I refused all my university calls, I compromised my life enjoyment period and I joined military. As it is the shortest and a most respectable job one can get in early stage of life.I went to the training institution and after a year I was settled perfectly and was ready to share my feelings with her. This was my part now let talk about her life during this period.She was in a shock for few weeks because she also loved me alot but was shy in telling me. she had to face a lot of difficulty in university just because of this. Now she started moving on with her life. One day while she was in university she met a guy who also recently broke up with her Gf. That was the time she thought that God sent him to her. They became good friends with the passage of time.Now back to my life I planned to ask her whether she want to spend her complete life with me or not. So for this I somehow managed to get 2 days leave and asked her on a function at suitably isolated place. There she told me about the second guy and told me that he is in love with her also. I completely understand that it was my fault that I left her but I did not had any intentions of hurting her feelings. I always consider her as my soulmate. The other guy is also very nice to her. He always gives her a good advice and takes care of her but this is thing which is hurting me because I want to be one and only. Its been two years I'm stuck in this problem. I asked her many times but she says that its very difficult for her to decide. Whenever I call her we talk for hours n hours, we roam out for hours n hours but just don't know what to do just to make her realize that I love her alot. The second guy is very angry on me because I'm interrupting in his life (he has the right) but as far as I'm concerned I'm not angry on him because I realized my mistake and my this kind attitude is making my love feel that she is not good for me as she started a relationship with another person without realizing my intentions. She say s that "how come you have a that much big heart to accept a girl who was in love with you and just for her good you had to leave her, and ready to accept her even if she is in a relationship with someone."One more thing I will add here is that she only talks to me when I call her means that when I show my presence otherwise she won't call me or send a text message to me. I don't know that she considers me dead or its just sympathy element in her for me that she talks to me and hangout with me. I am a guy who gives 110% in a relationship and I just get 40% in return....PLease help me as its affecting my whole life. I don't feel like talking to someone or going out. I just stay alone most of the time and when I get too much sad I call my love and start talking to her on daily routine life as it helps me to stay comfortable with myself.I have told my one very good friend about this and he said you are an amazing person you dont deserve this girl. He tried to get me a girlfriend but I refused because she is somewhere stuck in my mind, in my heart....I'll be very very very thankful to you if you help me in regard. Thanks.
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broke up, fell in love, military, period, shy, soulmate, text, university Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (19 April 2013):
 Think of her this way: your feelings for her put you on a life path which will now lead you to the partner you were meant to be with. She is merely a catalyst.
Good news is you can fall in love and have strong feelings. Bad news is you just happened to choose the wrong girl this time. It happens to many many people.
You will survive this, and your heart will be filled with love for the right person at the right time and it will not be this drama-filled and difficult. It will feel like the most natural thing in the world and you will know.
Good luck to you.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 April 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you Tish-1 and Janniepeg for your kind advice. It hard to bear this fact but I have learnt that all this is a part of life and one should always move on. I was getting these kind of suggestions but asked you guys because I wanted to make sure that this better be a good solution to my life. Thank you very very much.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (19 April 2013):
 She is in a relationship with the other guy, only friends with you, yet it's hard to decide. . . She fed you a line to keep you hanging because she doesn't mind having one extra person to love her. Sounds like she loves neither of you and she will let her family pick the better one, or any guy after, if that means he can impress the family.
What your friend meant, without the english translation, was probably, you are amazing and you can do better. And you surely do. This is your first girl so everything is so fresh and hopeful. She is never yours to begin with so you don't know what to expect in a relationship.
You are in love with the perfect ideal of a girl who reciprocates your love, and that girl is not her. A relationship requires you to separate romantic fantasy to what's in real life. A relationship won't work out with a girl who is wishy washy and when you are only second option.
Before you are even dating and in a relationship, you should never live your life around a girl who's not comitted to you. A military career sounds good to you. You do it for yourself only and no one else. A young girl does not appreciate someone who puts her on a pedestal and acts like a love martyr.
All you lost was an illusion but you gained life experience. Hopefully when you climb up the career ladder your choice of girlfriends will be widened. With time you will heal and move on. No one knows if she will dump that guy and be with you in the future, but for your own sake move on first so she won't affect your daily life, and a relationship with her will be an option later, not a necessity.
Put yourself in the other guys' shoes. Would you feel uncomfortable when your girlfriend hangs out with a male friend who loves her all three years? Of course you feel she is your soulmate but from an outsider's point of view she is playing with fire and having an emotional affair with you.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (19 April 2013):
You made some major life choices based on a hope. A hope which has alas, proven itself to be not reality.
She does know you love her. She just doesn't love you back enough. She likes you, and tolerates your contacting her but you are not her choice.
There's not much you can do at this point, I think. You've let her know your feelings, she's not jumping for joy into your arms. It hurts, I know.
I would find a way to mourn the end of your dreams. Many people go through this, it's called unrequited love.
If it's affecting your whole life then you need to open your eyes to that cold reality. It'll hurt for a while but eventually, the hurt will fade and you will feel like living your life to the fullest again. Find a counselor to help you through this if you are really this stuck.
The sooner you get started on that, the sooner you can mourn, the sooner you can heal.
One way to think about this is to realize that perhaps the reason she didn't choose you is because there is someone else, waiting for you to notice her, sad that you are throwing your feelings away on a girl who doesn't deserve them…. open your eyes. Open your eyes.
Sorry there's no magic to make her love you back the way you want. Good luck.
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