A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi there. This is pretty long and I do apologize but time is running out and I need guidance. No judgments, I already get enough of that from my old man. I'm 23 years old, desperate, and have been in love with my neighbor (who is a 23 year old woman) since we were 10. Yeah, it's one of those cliched stories but fast forwarding to today, she graduates from our city's community college in December (she's been doing the CC thing since high school graduation) and will be moving to New York in January to finish her Bachelor's. New York happens to be five states away and I happen to be in the Army actively serving for another year (I've elected to be on reserve starting my sixth year). I'm on assignment to be deployed quite literally the day after she leaves for university and I start on reserve when I get back. I'm also one of the lucky ones who hasn't come back all fucked in the head needing therapy and shit.However, everything about this situation terrifies me. We've both had our share of relationships in the past and she actually recently became single (October 6, she and her ex had a chat over the fact that they just suck together). They had been together for eight, agonizing months and I pretty much wanted to act like a little kid and say, "Hah! You lose!" and stick out my tongue at him. Instead, I consoled my best friend, my dream woman, and held her while she cried into my chest. I felt sick to my stomach when I saw her face like that; I wanted to punch that fucker in the face! But instead, I kept my calm and continued telling her that she was the most beautiful woman in the world (which is true!). But what terrifies me is that she will find a man in New York and marry the asshole and have babies with him when she should be doing all that with me.That sounds obsessive but it's not. She and I did have something at one point but she was too afraid that it would screw things up between us. When we were 17, we dated for three months and lost our virginities to each other but nothing got weird. We were still the same amazing duo that we are today. I think she just wanted to explore a bit more before settling down and I totally get that. I did some exploring myself. But she can't deny that we're meant for each other. Even her dad can see it and he hates everybody (he's ex-Army himself and pretty much told me that I'm the only one for his daughter). It might be that I'm Army myself or the fact that he's known me since I was 10 and a stupid little kid. But nothing, nothing in this world, not even winning the multi-million dollar lottery could make me happier than if this girl, this unbelievable woman, would wait for me while she's in college.I've grown to love her in a way that I literally did not think was possible at my age. I thought this kind of love existed only for married couples who have been together for 20 years. But I can't lose her, I can't. She's the love of my life and in my heart, however many kids she wants, that's how many I'm supposed to give her. If she wants more kids, I'll keep getting her pregnant! If she wants to discuss how much she hates war because her dad was always gone when she and her older brother were younger, I'll listen to her rambling on about peace rallies. If she wants me to go to church every Sunday to 'cleanse her soul', I'll pack all of our kids up in the van that we'll own and hightail it over there. If she wants the kids to attend a private school and we have no money to spare, I'll get a second and third job to support our children's education. If she wants to take a spontaneous trip to a far away country, I'll save all the pennies I can find and make sure we get the best hotel and tour guide. Whatever it is that will make her happy, I will see to it.I just can't lose her and I have no idea how to tell her all of this without sounding selfish or fuckin' weird. I mean, she always smiles when I'm around (something I've noticed for years and years) and has told me several times that she loves me and could never let me go (as evidenced by the fact that we keep randomly hooking up, she frenches me a lot, talks to me about the future and has asked what I want in life). By the way, when I do answer those questions, I tell her up front, "I want whatever makes you happy." And she will sometimes cry, sometimes blush, sometimes has sex with me (I'm actually kind of surprised we haven't gotten pregnant yet for how stupid we've been about birth control...), and sometimes she asks why I'm so good to her. But I'm there already. I'm ready for everything that she wants. I just don't know how to get out of this very tear-inducing situation. Unless I'm simply over reacting?
View related questions:
best friend, her ex, money, university Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 October 2013): This is exaactly the situation in the movie Mud. Guy follows girl around and is always there when she breaks up with people, but she only uses him for sex and when she is single. She doesn't like you otherwhise she would be in a relationship with you. I mean you already have sex with eachother and she doesn't ask for you to be a boyfriend - she's not that into you. Yes, you're her good friend and occasionally a fuck but nothing more. She will go to New York and probably find someone that suits her more. I think the dad likes you so much because he's known you for a long time and you're an army guy so he probably sees him in you, although if someone came along from New York and dated his daughter I think your dad would like him just as much.
|
