A
female
age
41-50,
*enna7480
writes:I have secretly been in love with my very close friend of 2 years. He and I work together side by side and have become great friends. He is a wonderful man and I had absolutely NO plans ever to tell him how I felt because I didn't want to ruin what we had. Now...don't think that I have been pining away for him and was waiting for the day to come that we could be together because I wasn't. I accepted the fact that he was married and always thought it would stay like that. Last week, he told me that he is in love with me. He told me that he couldn't help feeling the way he did but that he had no plans to leave his wife because he had made a committment to her and didn't want to break it. I told him I understood and wouldn't ask him to leave her. I told him how I felt as well. Over the course of this past week, he has told his wife that he wants a divorce because he is unhappy being with her and being in their marriage. He did not tell her about me. He has told me that he doesn't expect me to wait for him and wants me to be happy. I want to be his friend and help him through this tough time and at the same time I want to celebrate because I can finally try to be with the man I love. What should I do??
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female
reader, jenna7480 +, writes (22 March 2008):
jenna7480 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI think that some people need to know that I am not trying to insert myself into any situation. He is my friend and I love him. I want to help him in any way that I can, whether it means to love him or just to listen. We have been very close friends for two years....I already know about the issues with his wife, in fact everyone does who knows him. He has actually talked about this with our boss and told her that he doesn't love his wife anymore and isn't happy in life. She told him that she already knew and that she recommends him to do the right thing for him. He sees a therapist who has also told him to get out of his marriage. I don't want people to think that I am forcing myself upon him because I am not. I just want him to be happy and if it means he is with me, then great! but if he decides that he needs to be by himself, then I will deal and go with it. I love him that much.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 March 2008): Please back off and leave him alone. You don't know the history between him and his wife. How would you feel if he was your husband and he was in a low point in his life and confused and then some "friend" put herself in the middle of the situation. If you really did care about him, you'd stay back and leave him alone and let him see if what he and his wife had can be rekindled. You have no right to even be a small part of breaking up that family. Ever heard the saying....he does it once, he'll do it again?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2008): Take it one day at a time like you have. When the divorce is final, and he comes knocking at your door, then you can jump into his arms. Doing otherwise may inject unwanted guilt later.
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A
female
reader, natasia  +, writes (21 March 2008):
 I don't agree - I don't think you should stay away. I think you should wait, and quietly support him. Don't let the relationship with him get physical, but let him do what he is doing - he's trying to sort things out for the best.
I think he's trying to do the right thing. I think he loves you, but he DOESN'T want to be unfaithful while married - that's why he's asked for a divorce. I think he's doing things the right way - he knows he loves you more than his wife, and that the only way honestly and fairly to be with you is first to get divorced. And he is being a good guy - he isn't selfishly asking you to wait what might be 2 years before he's free - he's following his conscience and thinking that feeling the way he does, he can't honestly be a good husband to his wife any more, and that if he's lucky enough to be able to be with you when he's genuinely free, that would be wonderful, but it's too much to ask you to wait.
As I say, keep yourself at a careful distance for now, and see what happens. I think the fact that he's asked for a divorce is a very good sign in terms of how he feels about you, and what sort of a man he is. He's trying to do the decent thing.
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