A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I'm in love with a guy that's about to get married in 3 months. We've been kicking it for 5 years. He tells me that he is getting married because of his 11 year old son. I don't want to see him anymore, but it's hard to let go, what should i do? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 May 2008): This guy is an addiction to you and you should treat him as such.
Set a date to end it. Then stick to that date. Don't take his calls, don't deal with him.
I'm sorry, but "It's for the kids" excuse is as old as time itself, and if he hasn't done the right thing by you in 5 years then he's never going to. Do you really want to wait another 5 years for him? Do you really want to stick around to see what excuse he has when his son gets to 18 and is no longer a child?
Free yourself from this guy, please, because he is eating up the best years of your life and getting fat and happy on it.
You don't say if you already have children or want children, but just think - if you drop this loser you could and likely WILL, in time, meet a guy who is 100% yours to share your life with and have a family with. He's never going to do that for you, and even if by some miracle he did, the worry about whether he'd do the same to you as he is to his fiancee will tear you into tiny pieces.
You sound like a nice girl at heart, so why are you settling for another womans' crumbs when you could go and find a whole cake of your own to enjoy?
A
male
reader, PeterPan +, writes (22 May 2008):
 He's getting married because of his son? I don't understand this -- he's trying to find a new mother for his son? That seems like a bad reason to be married, but that's his choice.
That said, unless you're ready to be the child's surrogate mother, maybe you should let yourself see the end of this relationship. If you're looking to find a way to free your mind of the issue, have you considered taking up a new hobby or getting involved with some kind of social activity?
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A
female
reader, louweez23  +, writes (22 May 2008):
 Honey. Nobody gets married because of their 11 year old son. Can you imagine condemning yourself to a life of unhappiness just because you have a kid? Plenty of people co-parent, they don't need to be married to do so.
Men get married because they love the woman they are about to walk down the aisle, and that (barring shotgun weddings) is the only reason a man gets married. However, a man will have his cake and eat it too if you let him.
It will be hard to let go but if you don't you will be opening yourself up to a life of heartache and pain. You deserve better.
To let go, you have to sever all contact. It will be hard at first but the longer you spend not seeing him the easier it will get. I promise - I've been there.
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