A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm in love but I suspect my man is cheating, how can I catch him...? I can't go through his phone because no one calls and he tells everyone that does call to call him back because he's with me. What do you suggest??? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 January 2009): You don't have enough reason to believe he's cheating. it's very polite that he doesn't talk while you're there; I wouldn't take that as a sign.If you look for evidence, you will find it. If you are so worried about him cheating, you will read into the signs enough to believe that he is, so I would let it go until you have reasonable evidence.
A
female
reader, AskEve  +, writes (30 January 2009):
 Have you tried doing your OWN detective work and doing a little investigating of your own? One way to tell if he's cheating is to catch him lying about a matter. You can follow his eye movements to tell if he is lying. Ask more questions if he looks uncomfortable or uneasy. If he tries to create stories out of nothing and doesn't try to LOOK at you while speaking then the possibility is there that he IS cheating.
Partners who are cheating are often guilty of their actions. They will apologise over small mistakes and go out of their way to make you happy or feel pampered. He will also start showing less interest in you and will want to spend more time alone, so suggest going with him when he goes out, even if it's just a short trip, tell him you need the fresh air (and watch his face!).
Is he still being intimate with you or has this gotten less? Is he always tired or making excuses that he's tired? If this part of your life has decreased then this alone is a good indication he may be cheating.
When he is away frequently then call him on his phone to see if it's busy or turned off. If it does ring out, then hang up before he answers, you know his phone's on or not busy and that was the main reason for you calling. (You can withold your number easily at these times so make sure and do that first so he doesn't get suspicious that it's you.) But make sure the number's NOT witheld when you genuinely do need to call him as it will register on his phone as being witheld or not! (You've got to be one step ahead of him all the time).
Also check closets and shirt pockets to look for any scribbled-down phone numbers or meeting places. Check his trousers too. If you find an unknown number then call it and see who picks up. If it's not a familiar voice then ask questions to learn where they live and who they are. If you can, check his cell phone if he leaves it lying around (or when he goes to bed) then do so and check the phonebook (If it's not locked - which is another sign of course). Jot down all suspicious numbers and call them and notice the tone of the other person when she picks up the phone. Think carefully what you're going to say but DON'T tell her who you are at this point!
When he comes in go up and give him a kiss immediately and smell him to see if there is a "woman's smell" lingering somewhere, perfume is the giveaway here. Even check his smalls for 'signs'!!! Watch carefully when he arrives home, does he always seem to head to the shower immediately?
Another way to catch him is to follow him in a car. See where he goes, what he buys and who he meets. (Take a friend along with you for moral support and use their car). If you can, try to show up suddenly somewhere and be surprised to see your partner there. (Friend stays in the car of course). Notice his reaction. If he is happy to see you then there's nothing to worry about. If, however, he looks flustered or worried and wide-eyed, then he is surely hiding something. Ask him questions to clarify things a bit.
If nothing seems to work, go back and carry on with your investigation till you come up with something solid. Confront him ONLY when you have enough evidence against him and then decide what should be done next. If you keep on his case and he IS guilty, he WILL slip up, it's only a matter of time.
If, after a time and you still can't prove it then the last thing to try would be to hire a private investigator. They will certainly be able to come up with evidence but it can be costly and only used as a last resort.
Isn't all this is a bit devious....? Yes... but you'd never do it if you didn't have good cause to. Cheating on a partner breaks every rule in the book between you. It is a sign that the relationship is not going well and is in trouble and THAT is what the roaming partner should be addressing and working on, NOT running into the arms of another as this solves nothing, only escalates and makes the problem much worse!
~Eve~
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 January 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionno hell telles callers im with my girl im a hit u back.......and he dont have an email address.......and we been together 7 months yes we live together....but sum times he dont cum in the house and sum times he dont answer is phone so what should i suspect??
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A
female
reader, carriebaby +, writes (30 January 2009):
 what makes you think he is cheating??? You havent stated clear enough what the story is... how long you been together.. is he acting weird. have you confronted him???There could be a simple explaination but until you give us more details we cant give out advise as of yet !
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A
female
reader, AskEve +, writes (30 January 2009):
What makes you suspicious that he may be cheating on you? How long have you been together? Do you live with him?
~Eve~
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 January 2009): Do you suspect he's cheating because of something he does or is it just that you are insecure? Also when he tells callers that is with you, does he say "I'm with my girlfriend" or does he say just your name, so it could be like that you are just a general friend? Try to establish if this is a rational problem caused by his behaviour or if it is just in your mind. By your question it is hard to work out if you have a solid ground to be suspicious.
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (30 January 2009):
Short of hiring a private detective I'm not sure what to tell you.
Why do you think he's cheating?
If he was then what would you do?
If you have actual evidence already then why not just confront him and see what happens. If you are just feeling insecure then tell him that by doing certain things it makes you worry so could he not do those things without letting you know what's going on.
Good Luck!! xx
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