A
female
age
30-35,
*esslove
writes:i was in a 4 year relationship with my ex charles when i became friends with nicholas, he was dating a girl named lizzy who he recently got pregnant about 9 months ago. we became really close and over the summer we had our first kiss, it felt right... i am not the one to just have sex w/ anyone all together i have had sexual relations with only 3 and each one me knowing forever, charles being my first. nicholas became my third the night of our first kiss, i later found out he had sex with my bestfriend ashley he didnt tell me, and said i was the first after lizzy. i have never felt so used in my life, i cried after the previous 2 people but not with him not even after me finding out. i guess because there is some kind of bond between us niether of us can explain but have addressed. i put in the back of my head he should be with lizzy since they have a child together, my dad and mom got seperated and i would hate to see brock go through that... i started having dreams about nicholas after i stopped talking to him for a really long time and halloween night he sent me a long message wanting to still be friends. he has a way with words and just drew me back in, i was nervous all of a sudden b/c he wanted to see me that night so i saw him and i cannot tell you how awkward it was.. up until this month we hung out all the time. i even got to spend time with brock and he doesnt let anyone see him since lizzy doesnt want any girls around him. met his mom, and just hung out with his brother and bestfriend.. they became my family. when all of a sudden nicholas hears lizzy is getting married and is moving along with not letting her see his son.. i knew he still had feelings for her but he says he hates her. his brother read something to me out of his journal that stated he was starting to feel for me the way he did lizzy.. well not too long after that, nicholas told me he didnt feel the same and maybe it was b/c all that was going on.. that his feelings couldnt catch up to mine and are taking longer so we shouldnt date.. at first i was crushed and just cried.. poured out my heart and actually told him i loved him and felt like a fool. he didnt want to get off the phone but i had to go, he texted me the next morning and then i havnt had my phone since.. im not sure what to feel or what he is feeling and have no idea what to do. i have opend up to many times to be shut out and have done so many things that i feel havnt been appreciated and possibly used. he told me we could continue dating but he didnt want to waste my time and that in the beggining he made no promises, deep down i feel he is saying that b/c he is scared of his emotions.. it wasnt until our first kiss i realized how i felt for him but before hand at a party that both of my ex's were at he grabbed my face and asked me if i felt that, he was drunk but i didnt know how to react since i was with someone i backed off, that night was ironically the night he told me he could have sex with my bestfriend if he wanted to but wouldnt. this is something far different than anything i have ever experienced and just want to know what to do about it.sorry this is so long, i figured if you knew the majority of the details you would have a better understanding at helping me.thank you for your time (:-Jessica
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female
reader, lovesalias +, writes (24 January 2009):
 Jessica...sweetie...you have to take a look at the situation and see what your underlying feeling is about this whole situation. I would also suggest that you look into your astrological signs to try to get a better understanding of his character. I don't think that it is him that you want. I think what you love is the way you feel when you are together. Take a deeper look at what it is about him that you love. It is something in his action or previous action or character. Once you find it it will help you to realize that that is a top priority quality that your next man of interest must have so that you get that good feeling when you are together. People come in to your life for all kinds of reasons, seasons, and lessons. Find out what his purpose in your life was. This will help you decide what to do. I think it would be best to give him his space that he is asking for. You don't want to be his lay-over....the girl he can "lay-over" until he finds the girl he is ready to commit to. It sounds like you are right in the sense that perhaps he has mixed emotions. I don't think that He Hates Lizzy per say. I think that he hates what she is doing to him in taking his child from him. I don't think he is in-love with her either and I am not sure if he is in-love with you at this very moment in time either. He is very lost in his emotions and has done the right thing by not leading you on. I think its time for you to take care of yourself now and figure out what Jessica wants out of life and where Jessica wants to be 5 years from now and figure out the best plan for how to get there. Don't feel like a fool for telling him how you feel. You will be glad you tried and you don't have to think about what ifs. I am sure you are an amazing, intellegent, fun-loving, young lady that any man would be lucky to have. Know your worth and realize that you have to focus on you and your life right now and if things are meant to be they will be! Keep your head up and Focus on you. I hope this helps! Good Luck!
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