A
female
age
51-59,
*hy219
writes:Recently my boyfriend is acting so strange. He did not asking to meet me for more than months. We see each other at school everyday; we work together in same school. When I asked him what’s wrong first time he said I am the type of man who runs away when I see someone addicted to me, he said I know its not your fault .I know very well that I am not addicted person at all . I am just a normal woman who was looking to start a meaningful and serious relationship and when I met him first he showed me that he is interesting to be in relationship with me. after I heard that he is thinking that I am addicted person I tried to go away but he start to sending me a normal message again to shows that we are still in relationship but again not asking to meet me ,and always saying don’t get too emotional , Take it easy. I am asking him is that normal to stay all this time apart? He is telling no it is not normal however I need you as much as you need me and more but when time allows and mind is peaceful we will meet I was telling myself let bear and see, once again I asked if we ever will meet again or no? He said yes soon, But again nothing I was thinking is that because he is a teacher and has lots of load, doesn’t have time or what????Even I asked him if we are still in relationship, or if he intends to carry on with me. I told him I need to know that so I either can wait or lose the hope. He answered me that i do not have an answer for you unfortunately.I really getting confused, I would like the other opinion please Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, why219 +, writes (25 January 2009):
why219 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks a lot dear Emilysanswers and all other friends who answered me I really appreciate all for giving me that much of yours valuable time
your words really helped me somehow to feel good ,you know
i really feel a down person because its hard for a woman feel that she is unwanted .I was soooooo nice with him,
He was the one who always prepared and decided the time and day of our meeting, I was always agreed with what ever he siad .
I never bothered him with my calls or requests , all I asked for was meeting each other in regular basis,that why i became Addicted person in his thought.
do you think what really men need more than that. by the way I am very good looking and Charmer woman ,but i fall in his love Because of my intimate relationship that I had with him ,with all that he is acting so strange .does really men like a playing around person .?
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2009): What an a.sehole he is! OK a few things there I can pick up. Firstly he is a teacher - so yes he probably has loads of work to do (and it's probably HIM that is the addicted one - some teachers are married to the job.) Secondly, the fact that he is a teacher may prtly explain his controlling behaviour. Because that is what he is doing - he is dangling you on a piece of string, saying 'come here, go away' whenever he chooses. I'm sorry to say but he doesn't seem to be wanting a real relationship with you - he wants it on his terms and when he wants it, and doesn't want to be emotionally involved. There is nothing wrong with YOU. As you say, you are just being normal and wanting a normal relationship. When you cool off, he wants you back, when you are keen, he pushes you away. That is the nasty side of it - it is an unpleasant game and controlling behaviour. I know this is hard, but I think you should break it off - by message.If you tell him face to face he will talk you round. You really don't need this. He could carry on like this for a long time and in the mean time you are missing out on meeting nice, normal guys, who will go out with you regularly, have fun and enjoy your company - and treat you well. Oh - and are you sure he isn't married? Or seeing someone else? His hot and cold, non-committal behaviour and frequent absences suggest this.There are various things you could do to get his attention or get him to behave better, but I'm not going to suggest this, because then you would be having to play tactical games, and he doesn't sound like he's a) worth the effort or b)going to change. There is an old joke 'How many psychologists does it take to change a lightbulb?' The answer 'Only one but the lightbulb has to really want to change'. Apologies to any teachers out there by the way. Some teachers are really nice - but some do become a bit controlling and authoritarian (been there - got the T-shirt!) - and have an unfortunate tendency to talk down to you like you are a naughty kid - especially if they spend too much time devoted to the job and not enough time having adult relationships - an occupational hazard so to speak. Break it off - pamper yourself a bit - indulge in favourite things, do nice things with friends - go and see your granny if you have one - for some old-fashioned care and cooking to help heal your wounds - brush yourself down, walk tall, smile - and in a couple of weeks of no contact you will feel so much happier and be out there ready to meet someone special. And most importantly - YOU took control. Seriously - I do understand how his behaviour keeps you hanging on - because it hurts, so you want him to make you feel better again - then he does, then he drops you again and you feel hurt again and want his attention. It's a vicious circle and that is how he is controlling you. But you can break that vicious circle and turn it into an upward spiral. Be strong - you deserve so much better than this. Good luck
...............................
|
