A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Dear Cupid, Over the last six months, guys I have been in a relationship with my ex-girlfriend’s first cousin and pretending to love her but actually I am using her to settle score with my Ex who dumped for no reason almost one year ago after having spent 4 years with. My current girlfriend doesn’t know that since my Ex always kept our relationship in hide from her and her cousins. It makes feel great whenever I hug her and kiss my GF in front of EX and Ex gets jealous like hell. My Ex consistently putting pressure on me to leave her cousin alone and stop using her but doesn’t have any effects on me. At nights, I can’t sleep and always think that whatever I am doing is not right but when it turns day, then I become jerk again. What should I do know? Should disclose it on my current girlfriend that she’s being used and let it finish or marry her? Guys , I was nice person whose examples were being given everywhere in the town but my girlfriend’s injustice pushed me into becoming a total jerk . If I start giving the details of my wounds inflected on me by my ex-girlfriend, this place will become less and less . I am really restless, and you guys take and suggestions regarding my situation would be appreciated . Thank you !
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cousin, ex girlfriend, jealous, my ex, revenge Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (19 September 2011):
 There are two critical phrases in your submittal. Those are: "...then I become jerk again... and, "...my girlfriend’s injustice pushed me into becoming a total jerk ."
You really know the gist of your situation, and its solution. YOU, Sir, are further being a jerk by inflicting yourself upon this innocent bystander (the cousin who is now your "G/F"), and so, in the future, you stand to be EVEN A BIGGER JERK when the final chapter in your jerk-story plays out....
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 September 2011): The wounds were inflicted by your EX, not your current girlfriend. What has she done to deserve this? I understand that you want to hurt her but grow up, man. You would hurt her more by being completely indifferent to her. Nobody likes to think that they have had no impact whatsoever on an ex partner's life. Actig the way you are acting won't bring her back or make her respect you, only resent you. Think also of your girlfriend. How would you feel if you were with someone you loved and then found out one day that they were using you and ONLY with you to make someone else jealous. Especially someone in your own family. You'd be devastated. I'm really surprised by your age, I would have guessed you were about 16 or 17.
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A
female
reader, chickpea2011 +, writes (18 September 2011):
 Hi,I know how you feel... I just ended a 10 years relationship a year ago. I know it's so painful to be hurt by the one you love. You feel pain, hurt, shock, betrayal, anger, etc. I know, words cannot describe, it's overwhelming, specially when it was never any of your fault. It's been a year for me, I will never forget, but I have learned to live with it. What are you going to do? Go crazy? Then, what? You have to learn how to deal with your pain, and heal. I have bad days, good days, but I try to stay strong, and try to make myself feel as normal as possible. I am surprise that after 1 year, you are still in so much pain? Surprise that you still have so much anger?It's been 1 year now. If you concentrate yourself, put your effort, and energy to forget your ex, heal from the pain, you would've been feeling much better about the situation, and yourself. But, instead you decide to use a perfectly nice, innocent human being? That by the way, you being so hurt yourself, knowing the pain, would thought you would have more compassion. By doing such a insensitive act, and behavior, not only you are using a innocent human being, you are creating more anger in your heart. Does it really make you feel good? Using someone to make your ex jealous? I don't think so, because by reading your post, by your actions, it clearly shows that you are still in a lot of pain, and it's not making you better, nor happy. By the way, your ex is mad not because she's jealous of you with this poor girl, your ex is mad because she feels bad for this girl, she knows you are using her, that's why shes mad, not jealous. I am sure she felt bad breaking up with you a year ago, but now she's probably glad that she did, after seeing what a real selfish, cold hearted person that you are. You ask marry this innocent girl? You don't live her? Why marry? Why destroy her life? Haven't you done enough to her? I k is you have your issues, but this girl didn't do anything to you. Also, as I mentioned before, I sympathize with you, I know how you feel, but making excuse that your ex forced you to become this jerk? You know, I had my moments, behave certain ways, said I few things, I am no proud, but I took this experience as a positive... I face my reality, I accept the truth, I am responsible for my behavior...I truly hope you can find peace, sanity, and feel better. Good luck
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (18 September 2011):
 Woa. There is no hurry to marry. A marriage is not going to ease your guilt. How close are the cousins? Do they have to hang out every week even when you are married? Your revenge had been achieved. What more do you need? Do you need to hang on to that hate for the rest of your life? She is hurt, and not necessarily she knows consciously that you plot this, and she is not going to love you back knowing how much she hurt you.
Why don't you see if you can genuinely love your girlfriend. Connect with her alone and stop thinking about your ex. If at the end you don't really feel her then use this as a reason to break up. So she doesn't have to remember you as the jerk for the rest of her life.
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A
female
reader, FayyTargett  +, writes (18 September 2011):
End It! before you know it your ex's cousin will be telling you she loves you, and you will feel guilty as f**k! Its not fair leading her on when really you aren't that interested. Don't let your ex know that it was to make her jealous though, because she will never get back with you then. Let your current girlfriend down gently, tell her you don't feel the spark anymore and you cant see the relationship going anywhere. And don't have any contact with your ex!!! she will come to you once you have ended it, believe me! it may take a couple of weeks but she will contact you!
Hope this helps
xx
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