A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Hey dear agony auntsI met this guy one month ago (B) who got my number from a friend of mine. We started talking casually. B doesn’t live in our country and he told me he while we were just talking that he had a girlfriend in a different country than his. They’ve been together in a long distance relationship for 4 years.In the beginning, i wasn’t interested in anything with B but things escalated quickly, we got physical and i started spending 3 to 4 days at his place. We bacame FWB without rules and recently, i started catching feelings for B (who has a girlfriend) I mean how would a girl not have feelings for B who was so caring with me, we could talk hours on hours about everything, i told him stuff no one knew about me, we laughed together like kids, he went out on chic dates with me just wearing his oversized tshirts and his slides, we were so connected in every aspect, he even told me once he loved me when we were getting physical, he was jealous when i talked to other guys, he kissed me in public etc well he was so sweet with me and i mixed things up developed feelings for him. One day while i was asleep, he unlocked my phone and read all my chats with other guys and when i woke up, he started asking me questions like “who is X or Y?” I lied about the chats and he told me he saw everything. I got angry and told him the truth about the chats and i left his place.The issue is, everything got messed up since B saw those messages! He started seeing and flirting with other girls right in my sight (he always hid the girls he banged from me but he stopped caring) he got physical with a girl i know and talk to, i saw so many Snapchat posts of girls at his place then i got fed up and when i told him our FWB relationship was over, he simply said « OK »!B later called me three days later and we talked for 30 minutes on phone. He asked me what went wrong and why i decided to break up so i explained to him i started catching feelings and he said we can still be friends if i want to, that i really mean a lot to him and he misses me and our conversations. He invited me to his place, i turned him down twice but we inevitably got physical again!This whole situation is messed up for me because he seems to really have fun with other girls and I’m stuck. He traveled back yesterday for studies and he’ll be back in July next year. We still talk on phone but i don’t know what to do. I really don’t want to stop seeing him and i feel like i should change our FWB rules so things can become smooth like before when he was sweet with me and hid all the stuff he did with other girls from me. Help please!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 October 2018): My advice is get some self respect and stop fantasizing about this sordid going on. You will end up with an STD at this rate, it's not good it's nasty behaviour on both sides, nothing romantic about it!!
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (29 October 2018):
 OP, don't be so naive!
If you think a guy who will GLADLY cheat on his GF won't cheat on you, then you are by far too naive or... maybe just inexperienced.
He knows how to sweet talk women. You are no unique in thinking he cares about you... I bet his GF!! of 4 years think he cares deeply for her too. And so does every other chick he is cheating on his GF think.
Don't be stupid, OP
When you CHOOSE to get involved with a guy in a LONG TERM relationship (doesn't matter ONE BIT that it is LDR) then you are setting yourself up for hurt and disappointment.
A guy who CHEATS, and think because he sleeps with you, has the right to go through your phone is NOT a good guy either.
You CHOOSE poorly. He is not the great guy your imagination has created. He is just USING you for sex because the women he REALLY cares about (though he doesn't respect her either) is his LDR GF.
DUMP and CUT all contact, BLOCK, DELETE and LEARN from this.
Don't be stupid. Don't go after men who has a partner. That makes you a low value woman. Because you are "selling" yourself short.
And no, things won't go back to how there were. Because he saw YOU for what YOU are (someone to chase after every Tom, Dick and Harry) and you saw HIM for what he is, a cheater, who believes in ONE set of rules for him and another for the women he screws around with.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 October 2018): [EDIT]:
"He doesn't feel the same for you as you feel for him."
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 October 2018): Part of your desire and attraction for him is based on the fact he already has a girlfriend. You're tempted by the forbidden-fruit. It makes you feel more desirable and special; because you have the power to make him cheat on his girlfriend. He manipulates you with his charm. He is a skillful "player." He uses other women to get at you when you don't behave. He possesses you as his property, and doesn't allow you to see other men.
He doesn't love you, he just doesn't like the idea of other men screwing the women he's dipping his wick into.
He doesn't feel the same for you as feel for him. You are the girl who fills-in for his girlfriend on lonely nights. You're available at his beck and call. Consensual-sex requiring nothing from him but a booty-call. Of course he's nice to you, and fun to be with. Look what he gets from you!
Players are hypocrites. They don't like being outplayed or beaten at their own game. They prefer their women to be loyal and infinitely-forgiving for whatever he does. He will punish you when you step out of line; and that's how he uses other women against you. He lets you know you're just part of his harem; and he has others to take your place, and then some. Step to the back of the line when you misbehave!
Your post is a cry for help, but your heart isn't really in it. You want to hear advice; but you won't use it. Not until you grow weary or tired of being played.
The good news is; you're almost there, but not quite. He has to keep making you feel shitty. Being sweet one minute and nasty the next. You'll grow sick of his nice-nasty switcheroo-personality. You'll dump him, and go find yourself someone better. Someone fully available and unattached. He's got to step on your heart a little more; then you'll let go. Part of your karma for being a home-wrecker; is feeling just like what his girlfriend would feel, if she knew he cheats on her.
He knows just what to say, and you're a sucker for it. So are the other girls! They were always there in the background, and always will be!
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A
male
reader, N91  +, writes (29 October 2018):
 Okay let me get this straight.
This guy has a girlfriend, that didn’t put you off, so you’re now cheating with this guy. You got feelings for him, then he saw you messaging other guys, he got mad at you, whilst he’s cheating on his girlfriend and now you’re trying to smooth things over so you can both continue to cheat on his partner? Does that sound about right?
First of all, get your head out the clouds. What planet are you living on here? ‘How could a girl not get feelings for B?’. Maybe because he’s a cheating piece of shit? I feel like I’m in some kind of alternate universe reading this question. He’s a lying, sly, cheat. What could you possibly like about him? Then he has the audacity to flip out own you for speaking to other guys? That’s rich,
Do you not have any thoughts on the guys girlfriend? Or are you not too concerned about her? She sounds like she’s just in the way of your situation right?
You need to get a grip, stop getting involved in other people’s relationships, would you like to find out that this was happening to you whilst you were in a different country to your boyfriend? Where are your morals? You get no sympathy here from me, a cheat is the lowest of the low. This guy is an absolute sleazebag and I feel sorry for his poor girlfriend in all of this, you need to get your head out the clouds and find a respectful guy who isn’t interested in seeing how many girls he can get at once. The fact that you’ve got feelings for this guy and you’re still trying to chase after him when you know he’s getting with other girls is astounding. Where’s your self respect? I’d be getting checked for STDs if I were you, sounds like this guy likes to put it about a bit.
You must have really low self worth to think this is all you deserve. Block this guy, move on with your life and find a man who’s single, nobody likes a person that comes in between a relationship. If he doesn’t love his GF then that’s on him to break up with her, it’s not acceptable to be the girl on the side. Where are your standards seriously? Have some decency and think about how his GF feels in all of this? Having such dishonesty going on behind her back.
Grow up.
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