A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi This is gonna be long post .I am 23.lets call him A . We met in highschool and offically started dating. His parents and extended family approved of us and things were good. We were both young and immature .We had all ups and downin the relationship and end of the day it was all cool. Soon I moved into his city after 4 years of relationship . Then I found like he was flirting with a junior girl. I called it off and let it go. He came back again things were good. So back 2017 December he was drunk one night ,broke up with me saying like it will not work out. At that point of time I was about to move abroad. Atleast I could not go due to financial constraints.Through these 10 months I use to text him and he would reply asking me to move on. Finally llast weelast week I came to know A was in relationship with another girl called M. She knew all happened and she was the replying to my texts too. I was too hurt beyond words. A said in call like he is gonna marry M soon and he is happy now. When A parents came to know about this they were supporting me and asked A to move out. While in call A told me to go out of country so that his parents would approve ffor his present girl. Even the Girl M wanted me to go and take care of my future. I am hurt completely and could not share my pain to my friends or family. Since I am from India I don't wanna be judged by the society.What should I do ? I feel like if I move out people here might forget about me and I could move on. At the same time I don't wanna make things easy for A also.
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drunk, flirt, immature, move on, moved in, my ex, text Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 November 2018): hi, I feel sorry for what happened with you, but just try to forget and move forward, even i have gone through the similar situation i know what it takes to be
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2018): You are too concerned about what everybody else thinks. You are stubborn, and you refuse to move-on; even in-light of the current situation. You can't force people to love you. If they have made it to the point of breaking-up with you, and have found someone else; then you have to use your common-sense. Your feelings become your own problem to contend with. It's over and done.
You can cry for only so long. What will you do once you run out of tears?
You're an adult now. Your tantrums and emotional-outbursts won't get you your way. You can't insist people do what you want them to do; because it upsets you if they won't. That's acting like a spoiled-child. No one is humiliating you; as much as you're embarrassing yourself.
You were fine with the breakup; until you found-out he met somebody else. It wasn't just love that moved you; it was jealousy and your bruised-ego. Use it to get-over him.
You feel publicly-humiliated and concerned about how things appear to others. Actually, they don't care as much as you think. They might feel sorry for you; but people have too much going on in their own lives to care that your ex found another girlfriend. Gossip? Maybe, but not front-page news!
It's not on the news at 11! It happens to everybody!
Okay, it is what it is! He's with someone else. Now you're free. Life goes on!
Concentrate on your career. Concern yourself with your own growth, get-on with your life, and initiate some self-improvement. Grow-up, and start viewing the world as an adult.
You're a grown-woman, and you should be making your mark on this world. Society will judge you not only by whom you're dating, or whom you will marry; but also what you're doing with your life. Stop living in a soap opera. No more being the drama queen over your stupid ex-boyfriend. Have some pride and dignity. Better yourself, and you can upgrade to a much better match for yourself. Put him to shame!
If you have an education; it is time you put it to good use, and set some goals for yourself, until someone better finds his way to you. Your destiny is calling, and he wasn't intended to be a part of it. Go answer it! Find your own happiness, it wasn't his job to supply it to you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 October 2018): In December 2017 you were going to move abroad at age 22.So you were effectively terminating your relationship.It is quite possible that your boyfriend saw this as being the end of the relationships so he may have already started to move on mentally and take an interest in other girls.You didn't go due to financial constraints.This is not the same as deciding you didn't want to leave your boyfriend.All that you decided was that you couldn't afford to go abroad and it seems to me that it was at this time that you started to separate emotionally.I feel for you because it is hard to let your first love go especially when sharing a home.However he has moved on physically and emotionally and you have been trapped in the same situation which has led you to feeling belittled by him.I expect he told the new girlfriend that you two were 'over' when he first met her and in order that she knew you were not together at all he allowed her to design answers to your texts.And this is why they are asking you to move on and to go abroad.I dont understand your personal circumstances enough to comment on how you should live the rest of your life but I would advise you to mentally let this guy go because he has given you a very clear message that he has moved on.You can stay in the same country and the same city if you want but not the same bedroom.If he owns the property that you live in, then I would set about looking for somewhere else to live.Get out of this guys orbit if you can.Consider all your options carefully.If you can afford it now, then continue with your plan to go abroad to study etc.If you can only afford to stay locally you could consider a sideways move where you are away from being ' under their skin!'I know how you feel but look at your options carefully especially if further studying is involved as you will wish to throw yourself into these types of activities whole heartedly.And remember that you are a whole person who will blossom into her own person when circumstances are correct.You are not the only person to be in your circumstances.It happens all the time within all age groups.Things go wrong and one partner starts considering other options without being totally honest to the other partner.Eventually they slap you in the face with it and you are forced to change everything you thought about them, every idea you ever had that would be good for you both, and you are forced to move on.You have to find a way to do that.Make it sensible and practical. If it seems totally overwhelming and impossible to do right now seek help from the doctor by asking for antidepressants to keep you mentally boyant while you consider your options.There will always be new opportunities for you.You just have to take the time to figure out which one you would most like to embark on.For example you could take a gap year and go to a wildlife sancturary, a clinic for young babies of poorer families,etc.Seek financial help in the form of a bank loan to make your dreams come true.And never look back to this guy ever again.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 October 2018): Or you could have the self respect to hold your head up high and walk away rather than gain a 'reputation' of being a woman scorned.
What did he do that was so wrong other than to be honest with himself and not do something to please everyone around him?
Do you honestly want a man who doesn't feel the same at any cost?
Move on, accept how he feels and be positive that it will also lead you onto better things and a more suitable partner, that will give you ultimate happiness and no need to planned revenge!
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (30 October 2018):
 Your focus should be on what is GOOD for YOU, not what is BAD for your ex. Making things more difficult for him will not make you happier, believe me. It will just prolong your pain.
Do what you need to do to help you get over this and move on with your life. Your ex has made his choice. He has consigned you to his past. You need to do the same to him.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (30 October 2018):
 You need to let go of A and any dreams of a future with him.
You two met when you were young and immature. While maybe all the parents thought this is it! It wasn't. At least not for him.
As for you having to move out of the country so they can marry? What? That isn't YOUR problem!
You need to focus on YOU and getting over A. Which shouldn't be too hard as he really didn't treat you right and wasn't honorable or respectful either.
YOU actually dodged a bullet, you could have married this loser who doesn't treat women right!
CUT the contact with BOTH A and M. They are NOTHING to you. And it's DEFINITELY not up to them to tell you what to do with your life! That is YOUR choice!
Talk to your family as to what options you have for education and work. Then focus on YOU and your family.
Sometimes things don't work out as we hope or plan for.
Chin up. In time you will see that he wasn't the one for you. That you deserve better.
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