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I'm immature and everyone hates me!

Tagged as: Teenage<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (22 May 2012) 3 Answers - (Newest, 22 May 2012)
A female United States age 26-29, anonymous writes:

I am 15 years old and I feel like I am immature. I am very talkative and annoying. It seems like everyone hates me because of it. How can I be more mature?

Thanks :)

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A female reader, chigirl Norway +, writes (22 May 2012):

chigirl agony auntWho are the ones who "hate" you? Old and mature people? Or kids your own age?

If your mother is telling you to mature, then I'd take her word for it and start acting more like an adult. Find a role model that you can look up to an mimic.

However if the ones who call you immature are kids your own age.. well, they're in no position to call you either mature or immature, so pay no attention.

You can be an adult when you become an adult, I see no reason to try and be older than you are. You'll be old and mature in no time anyway, no reason to hurry.

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A female reader, CindyCares Italy +, writes (22 May 2012):

CindyCares agony aunt First of all, congratulations for even posting the question. I think that a 15 y.o girl who admits the possibility of not being mature and having to improve under that aspect, is MORE mature of all those 15 y.o. girls who write us " Oh I can do this and can do that even if everybody says I am too young, because I am so mature for my age "

Yes, chatterboxes are annoying at any age :). Don't worry, I think it's mostly a matter of anxiety and insecurity - like, if you don't talk all the time, and you don't offer your opinion about everything, you are afraid people won't notice you, remember or take you seriously.

In time, you'll become your own person, developping your own individuality, with your own likes and dislikes , choices, preferences, ideas. That it will be YOU, what you identify with , right or wrong. When you'll have acquired a stronger sense of self, and a solid self esteem, you won't feel the compulsion to remind everybody " hey, I am here, I exist ".

In the meantime, yes, there are things you can do. One is learning to LISTEN : let other people talk, don't jump up cutting them mid-speech, listen really , let sink it what they have to say . Everybody needs, and likes, good listeners.

Count to ten before speaking, so you'll have time to see if what you are going to say is really pertinent to the conversation ,or if you are opening your mouth just to show off or get attention.

Get informed about topics of general interest. Yes, everybody loves to go on and on about THEIR love lofe, and THEIR parents, and THEIR new purchases, but obviously for other people it gets to be too limited. Now, I don't suggest you at all to learn by heart little speeches about subjects that you don't care about , for entertaining your audience. Just , if you have any special interests cultivate them, so you will SHARE your passions and experiences , rather than just blabbing about platitudes. Read, read, read- ( not just gossips magazines though ) . So you can be informed about stuff and most of all formulate your own views and opinions about a variety of things. People never minds hearing you out, if you have actually something to say, and are not just emitting fried air.

Also, if you find yourself blabbing because of nerves or shyness, try meditation. ( Google for techniques on line, or buy books about it ). It will calm you down, stop the " mind chatter " and give you more confidence.

Don't worry and don't be hard on yourself for your inadequacies- nobody is perfect- and least of all at 15 ! You've got plenty of time to make improvements...

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (22 May 2012):

Hun I know how you feel. When I was in high school, (which wasn't too long ago), I was the same way. What I did was I just tried to only talk when I was talked to, gradually I became less talkative. Now the annoying part, just try not to be yourself, don't try to be funny, or a mean girl, or popular, or cool just be your self I'm sure it will all work out soon :).

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