A
female
age
30-35,
*xn-mxx
writes:I have major issues with relationships , I'm 19 and I've never been in a serious relationship I always end up kissing boys once and that's it , I rarely ever end up being with them more then once. I'm not a slut or anything I have never even had sex because I want to be in a relationship when I do but that doesn't stop the fact that people are being to think I am and I'm beginning to agree with them , this being with a guy once thing is really getting old .I don't know why but I can't stop myself being really horrible to guys once I'm with them and for some reason I try to only get with guys who I know are major players , I don't know why I'm so horrible to guys once I'm with them I'm not like that normally , I just can't stop myself from being really defensive .My friends keep laughing at me and saying i'm unable to like a guy for longer then a week.I'm so annoyed with myself I was with this guy before and I really really liked him but when we were out I didn't think he was paying me enough attention so I kissed a guy right in front of him just to annoy him . Thinking back on it he was paying attention to me I just got paranoid and acted out.I really don't want to be like this anymore and I feel really guilty over the way I treat guys but I'm still unable to fix my behavior.Help :(
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female
reader, TasteofIndia  +, writes (1 July 2009):
 Hmmm...
First off, have you considered seeing a therapist? I'm not saying you're crazy - by any means - but, if this feels like compulsive behavior, perhaps it stems from something deeper.
Secondly, how to change your behavior... I personally think that this will take a conscious shift in thinking on your part. Self discipline will be your new best friend. Next time you like a guy, you need to recognize when you're feeling neglected and make a decision not to kiss any guys to get attention. This won't get you attention, at least not the kind you want - it will just peg you as jealous, possessive, an attention-seeker and perhaps as you say, a slut. So you need to call yourself on this before you make any actions. Stop this urge!!
You need to stop dating player types. They're no good for you, they'll just fuel your behavior and make drama in your life. Why bother with a creep?
Recognize your behavior and work on stopping it in it's tracks. You don't need to act out to keep a fella around. Ask yourself "am I acting defensive? Am I about to do something I'll regret?". It will take a lot of work on your part, but well worth it if you want to find a meaningful, lasting relationship. You're still young, you're still working out the kinks of love and life. You have time to change this attitude before it gets you into real trouble!
Good luck, my darling, and if this feels compulsive, like you can't help it - why not talk to a therapist? They might be able to help you find the root of your problem.
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