A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Why am i so horny yet im to nervous to have sex is that normal? i have had opportunities and there's always strippers but i always get too nervous. When ever im out i will see women and there so sexy especially in summer they look amazing. I even find my self looking at younger girls! I wouldnt ever try to talk to one but if they have a nice body and there pretty i might look for a sec.Masturbation does not help because i still want a woman i wonder what its like to kiss her, its basically like want to have sex with every woman i see. But i have standards my type of women are the ones you see in music videos or porn and there's woman like that walking around everywhere in the summer.When i watch porn i think to my self damn i would love to f*** her but when i go tot he strip club and get the opportunity, because some good looking girls will come up to me i get so nervous the only time im not thinking about sex is when i have the chance to get some.I cant even explain how nervous it get in the strip club you cant just turn a girl down its kinda rude plus your friends will be like wtf you gotta have an excuse a damn good one. I usually think up something in a hurry or pray. i dont even go to mess with the girls i just go for the drinks and to hang out and i like looking at the girls but i dont like private dances and when they come to close.I thought drinking was supposed to lower your inhibitions, I love to drink i dont really get plastered and ive only had a hangover twice while my friends are drinking beer im guzzling the liqour and i can out drink all of them they start puking and passing out and im just drunk but can still walk. The thing is even when im drunk i get too nervous to have sex in fact i dont care about their feelings when im drunk so i just say no and they think im mean.A girl met at a bar asked me if i wanted a blow job, my typical drunk response was "your real cute but im just here for the drinks"ughh what kind of person turns down a blow job ok granted im not into getting STD's but besides aids or herpes and a few others it wouldnt be too horrible maybe. Im not shy or ashamed of my body im in great shape and think im attractive at least as in good shape as a pornstar and as for my size i never measured but its all i got so even if it was small it wouldnt matter but i think its it more then average .As long as i can remember i never liked being touched or complimented or even people being nice to me felt weird shaking hands are ok but even hugs feels awkward. around twelve i got my first BJ offer and turned it down. I thought i would grow out of it but i havnt. I dont think women are just for sex a relationship would be cool but how do i get past my problem.THis is a good site hope i can get some advice.[Moderators note: this question was edited due to some inappropriate content]
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 August 2009): Maybe you should go on some dates with random girls to get over your fear. Sometimes they are not as scary as you think. Maybe you're just scared of being rejected. You probably have a higher standard than you think you do, which is probably why you have not been intimate with any girl yet. It's not wrong to have high standard, just that you'll have to cope with finding the right one. Perhaps you should try to control your feelings and not get all worked up over your desires. Instead of coping with horniness, why don't you go play sports, hang out with your buddies, or do some oommunity work. I think I understand that you want a decent and innocent girl so that you could feel secure about giving up your affection to someone who will deserve it. But, most of these girls tend to reserve themselves for a longer time in almost any given relationship. So, you could either just get it out of system by hooking up with basically anyone or wait until you find a more meaningful "chick" who you could happily hook up with. Seems like you deserve someone special but man, you gotta work on your horiness issue. Don't let it take over your life. Peace.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 August 2009): Im not mopping im just im just trying to find out if its normal to be this nervous even nice good church girls make me nervous if they get to close human contact make sme nervous in general, I think you may be confused on my qestion tish but thanks for the attempts, I said im attracted to woman that look like the average pornstar in other words a 300lb chick wouldnt turn me on that has nothing to do with standards the way your taking it
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 August 2009): Maybe you simply want to reserve yourself for someone special... but just having sex with a random stranger might or might not solve the issue. But, since you are scared of STDs, it's most likley that you won't. Why don't you just stop fantasizing about women and just meet nice girlfriend who you will have a comfortable time having sex with me. It is not the end of the world if you do not get laid, it will be the end of the world if you keep on obsessing over just having sex and yet not actually getting any because you want a conservative gal. So, just stop obsessing over it and move on with life. Be more mature instead of moping around and feeling sorry that you will never get any. If it's meant to be, it's meant to be.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (19 August 2009):
 Your standards for women are based on whether they compare with porn stars or starlets in a video? You do realize that you're basing your judgement of women entirely on their appearance, and worse, on a fantasy some guy in Southern California came up with so that he could buy his third Ferrari? You've bought into the fantasy hook line and sinker and now cannot deal with it because it isn't real. It's a made up world.
As rhythmandblues so rightly points out, a valuable classy woman would not offer up random sex acts in a bar. She's not there, she's out in the real world, going to school or earning a living WITH her clothes on and using her brain as her meal ticket. Sorry if I'm offending any strippers who are just trying to get by, but I suspect even they would agree that they're there not to get to know you and date you, they are there to separate you from your cash.
And again, I have to fully agree with rhythmandblues: start by getting to know a woman, take her on a date. Become friends. Recognize that they are human, just like you are and deserve to be judged by more than their bra size.
I'd recommend backing out of the stripper scene and quit watching porn for a while. Go see some "chick flicks"; there are more women than men at those movies and you might actually learn something about what goes on inside a woman's head. Go to a yoga class, no, nix that, I wouldn't want an ogler hanging out in my studio, that's uncool.
Maybe some of the other aunts can give you a list of TV shows or movies that will give you a little detox from all the porn.
I don't mind that you watch porn, I mind that you actually believe it's for real. That's going to mess you up for real women. I actually feel kind of sorry for you, you're missing out on so much and you don't even know it.
Start small, take some simple steps to get to know women as people and remember that most women prefer it if you look them in the eyes when you are talking to them.
Good luck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 August 2009): I don't know dude, but all I can tell you is a valuable, classy woman would not offer you a blow job in a bar, and the girls who are dancing for you are getting paid, and they are somebody's daughter, so maybe you have higher standards than having sex with a porn star....maybe these "fast" women kind of freak you out.
I think what you are describing as all of your opportunities are disgusting and I hate that a certain population of women offer up their "services" to men like that....can you see making one of them your wife, ever?
How about taking a cold shower and asking some real women out there on a date and get to know her as a person and let the friendship develop and then if you two have feelings for each other, you won't be so nervous having sex I bet....start with the first kiss, you can't very easily get to the end of the marathon if you don't get the practice.
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