A
female
age
16-17,
anonymous
writes:I have a slight problem...I really like my teacher! I know there are lots of these questions about but I really need an answer!Well ever since I've known him I've had feelings for him. It started off just a small crush but over the past three years they've gotten stronger. I can't call it a crush anymore, and I feel that I love him. And now I feel the need to tell him. Maybe not that I love him, just that I have feelings for him. I know and understand that nothing will happen between us and I really don't want to risk him losing his job and even family. But I really need to get it off my chest. I love being around him and we have so much in common. We always have a laugh and get on really well. I have tried so hard to stop these feelings but nothing has helped and I'd much rather just being friends but I can't help it!If I tell him I'm scared that he'll go all awkward with me and ignore me which would break my heart. But also scared that if I don't tell him, this feeling will stay with me for ever because it's starting to affect my life. I often leave school crying because I'm so confused and can't tell anyone, and I don't concentrate in any lessons which doesn't help. I cry each and every night thinking about him and also felt so alone. I really need help and a guide on what should I do. So should I tell him? Should I leave it?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 March 2021): Hi there,
I am a high school teacher and I will say this to you. Do not tell him. I have young and even older male colleagues who are attractive and kind but the other posters here are correct. If you tell him and he behaves badly his career will be over and his name published in our teacher magazine. It could be worse as you are underage. You will be in a very bad way too hun. Although your name will not be published people will know.
I know this sounds harsh but what I am wondering is why you are kind of fixated on him. Do you have lots of friends? Hobbies? Goals? Interests? It seems you have a good relationship with him and most of us in the teaching profession want to teach and see you grow as a person.
You will get your heart broken and in my teaching career I have seen tragedy from this kind of thing.
Respect yourself. He is your teacher.
A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (26 March 2021):
 It's good to see that you are mature enough to realize the consequences of confessing your feelings to him (i.e. that this will put him in an awkward position and he may feel the need to distance himself from you). Imagine how that will spoil what you have felt for him over the years.
Keep the fantasy in your head, where it belongs. While it is inside your head, you can control it. Once it is out in the open, you lose all control. In later years, would you rather look back on this crush as a fond memory or as a nightmare?
Trust me, you WILL get over this. Having a crush on someone who is "untouchable" is quite normal and part of growing up.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (26 March 2021):
 I know at your age these feelings seem so huge, the emotions so overwehealiming. But they will pass.
You know that it's not appropriate for a teacher to get involved with a student and while you THINK you share so much in common, you don't share the life experience that he has, you don't share the things he went through maturing into an adult, the responsibilities HE has not only a teacher, mentor, man, and as an adult.
If he is a DECENT person, he would turn you down and make sure you understand that he can NEVER reciprocate your feelings. And he will also quite possibly distance himself from you. Because that is to HIS job safety and benefit.
If he is NOT a decent person, he might take advantage of you. And while it might FEEL like REAL "love" it is not. A GROWN man should NOT "love" (in a romantic sense) a child even a teenager. It's just not right. It would be sleazy of him, and not good for you.
IT IS OK to have crushes. WE have ALL had at least one, and yes even on a teacher. I had the most amazing statistics teacher in college - he was smart (obviously), witty, gorgeous, kind, young (30). I think EVERY single girl who took his class (and probably a few guys too) had a crush on him.
He was also married and thankfully (as far as I know) no student ever acted on their crush on him. This was probably also why he was so easy to talk to, ask for help (with the curriculum), and be around.
We had another teacher who slept with students (now they were all over 18 - so older than you but it was still super inappropriate and illegal. He got fired later on due to "dating" someone under 18. He was in his mid 30's? Gross!
Teachers are there to TEACH you. To help you reach your goal in understanding a subject. To improve your mind.
Teachers are NOT there to romance impressionable young girls and boys. That would be predatory and wrong.
Keep your feelings to yourself. For your sake. And for your teacher's sake too. This crush will fade. You will meet someone closer to your own age who would be a MUCH more suitable crush.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 March 2021): "If I tell him I'm scared that he'll go all awkward with me and ignore me which would break my heart."
Keep this in-mind, because that is quite likely what would happen. Such a thing has very serious consequences, because you are underaged! Even the slightest hint of an inappropriate interaction between teacher and student, and it could cost him his job, his reputation, or his marriage.
You are only a child, no matter how you feel. He is an adult. At your age, any inclination to accept your declaration of love would have dire consequences...I mean really bad! If any man his age returned your feelings, he'd be locked-up in jail...where he would belong! Grown-men interested in underaged-girls are pedophiles. That's a very ugly word!
He would be very uncomfortable around you; if you got so bold as to tell him something like you're thinking about doing.
I strongly suggest that you didn't!!!
It's normal to crush, or be infatuated with someone older at your age. It means you are going through puberty; and suddenly beginning to establish feelings of attraction.
Trust me sweetheart, what you feel is not love. Love has to be reciprocated or given back; so it can grow and blossom into a real relationship. He is totally unaware of your feelings; and that is a very good thing. It happens all the time, and we have all felt what you feel at sometime in our lives. It's okay to crush, but it's best to keep them secret when the crush is for someone you cannot have. Crushes are innocent, and harmless when we keep them under control.
They are like a cold. You catch them, they give you a fever, and they slowly go-away!
Your feelings will pass, and they would be best kept to yourself. If you don't want to be embarrassed, or see him get into serious trouble; keep your childhood-fantasies in your daydreams where they belong. You are better-off daydreaming about boys your own age!
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A
male
reader, kenny +, writes (25 March 2021):
 I think its good that you are mature enough to understand that nothing will ever happen between the two of you, and that you don't want to risk him losing his job or his family.
If you told him these are the sorts of scenarios that could possibly manifest themselves.
You are very young, and the feelings you are encountering are that of a crush, i don't think you really love him.
Crushes don't last forever, over the natural course of time the feelings will dissipate. soon you will be leaving that school and going on to further education, or work and you will find that the crush will lessen and you will start to notice more people your own age.
In a few years time you will look back on this and realise it was just a schoolgirl crush, and you will be thankful that you kept it to yourself and never said anything.
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