A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I feel like my on/off boyfriend of 2 years doesn't know how to set boundaries when it comes to other girls.Alright so basically my boyfriend and I have a mutual female friend. The three of us have spent a good chunk of our lives together so we have a pretty good friendship. Until recently. At first, when my boyfriend and I got together, it didn't change our friendship with her. If anything, she was glad for us. We could all hang out together with no awkwardness since we'd already been friends for so long so it didn't feel much different.A bit later down the road, she found herself liking one of my boyfriend's friends (another distantly mutual friend of ours) and they developed a relationship of their own. When the four of us would hang out, we'd have so much fun as we were both couples. It was like double dating! PDA wasn't an issue. Gushy conversation wasn't an issue. But our friends' relationship eventually became long distance because the guy went away for school. After this, she seemed to dread being around us and felt like a third wheel. We completely understood this and sympathized. We agreed to tone it down on the PDA and "romantic" talk and just act like three friends when we hung around her (I regret doing this because I believe it opened the door for everything else I'm about to explain.)Now, a little side note. My boyfriend has always been the friendly type. He loves talking to people, laughing with people, and consoling people. I'm different. Don't get me wrong, I'm not apathetic and misanthropic, but I'm not as open as he is. I guess that's the basis to this situation.He cares too much about her damn feelings! Ok it sounds harsh I know, but I'll explain. 1. When we agreed to tone down the gushiness around her, he neglected to tell me what he meant. Apparently, he meant we basically didn't even exist as a couple around her! I'm talking "if we're in the same room, he'd sit next to her instead of me" and "oh let's ONLY talk about your problems. *looks to me* oh hey babe, I forgot you were here". I understand toning it down, but this was straight up friendzoning! Like, dude, I'm still your freaking girlfriend! *This is how I really felt but I convinced myself I was being irrational (please please please let me know if I truly was being irrational. I can take it and i'm willing to accept it) and we needed to be good friends and be there for her. BUT then she got used to the attention! 2. She LOVES the attention he gives her. If he doesn't pay her any mind, she gets upset. I understand she may be trying to find comfort because her boyfriend (I honestly don't even know if they're still together) isn't near, but come on! Like we're not her babysitters! I might sound insensitive, but am I really suppose to drop and neglect MY relationship because she's sad? (once again please let me know cause I really wanna make sure I'm not just being mean and irrational) 3. I've been getting attitude from her lately. If I'm talking to MY boyfriend, she'll roll her eyes and look at me like I shouldn't be there! There's one particular instance where it was really bad. We were at an outing (the 3 of us alongside a few of our other friends) and whenever I'd open my mouth she looked like she wanted me to be nowhere near her. I tried to give the benefit of the doubt and thought maybe she was just having a bad day, but she'd laugh, smile, and joke with everyone else including my boyfriend, but if I tried talking to her, I'd get one word answers and annoyed looks. Till this day she still treats me like that and I don't understand what I did to her. There were many many times I tried to comfort her and converse with her separately from my boyfriend because I really do care for her and I wanted her to know I was there for her, but it's like what she really wants is my boyfriend's attention (or my boyfriend?) 4. He's completely oblivious! Or atleast he's pretty damn good at faking it. I've talked to him about this on multiple occasions, but he either assures me that they're just really good friends and she's just used to him OR my personal favorite, he'll flip the script and accuse me of not trusting him. Granted, I've taken that into thought. Ive spent so much time analyzing myself to see if I'm just being paranoid and jealous, but I feel like this is really a problem and she's disrespecting me and my relationship. I've even told him that I think she has feelings for him, but he doesn't see it (I believe him when he says that because he doesn't understand girls much. I mean even before we got together he didn't know I liked him until into explicitly told him despite my obvious flirting with him). 5. At this point, I don't know what to do.
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female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (23 February 2015):
 I agree with Tisha, tell him what you have told us. Let him know that if you are his girlfriend he needs to treat you like it.
If he doesn't or goes on about her feelings etc etc, just pick up your belongings and walk out of there.
You don't need to put up with that crap.
A
male
reader, dayvide  +, writes (22 February 2015):
 I think you need to be more explicit with your boyfriend about what you want and don't want .. No need giving a damn about the girl anymore since she's not appreciating your care. If your boyfriend can't reduce the attention he's giving her and get closer to you I think you should move on.. Life is too short for you to brood over something or someone that doesn't understand and respect your feelings
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2015): Complicated. Sounds like she is developing feelings for your bf, and likely feels he has them too because he will down right ignore you.
I've got to give you the same advice as the first poster, you're too young and life is too short. Do not be in a relationship where the guy, who should only have eyes for you, is making you feel this way.
Leave him, if he gives two hoots he might come back begging for forgiveness but I think your relationship and the friendship between the three of you is coming to an end. Your female friend should set boundaries as should your boyfriend. You should expect better from a partner so don't settle for it.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (22 February 2015):
 I would stop fighting this thing and see if he's willing to fight for you.
I let him know that you feel this way, I would be very specific with the examples you give here and I would lay them all out.
If he won't treat you as his girlfriend then I would assume that you are not his girlfriend.
You're 18-21?
Honey, life is short.
Lose him. Break up with him and start the next phase!
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