A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I have been together for about 2 and a half years. I finally bring up the question..."Do you see us together in the future? Do you see us having a future together?"He comes back with the answer.. "I don't know." To be honest, the one little answer he gave me broke my heart. I personally see myself with him for the rest of my life. I love him with all of my heart. I just don't think he sees the same with me. I let him know how much his answer hurt me, and did my own thing for awhile. I just don't think it is enough. I would also like to add that I am 26 and he is 27. My parents just got done tell me the story that, my father found out that he wanted to marry my mom almost 8 months into the relationship, because he didn't want to loose her. Advice please...
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female
reader, fishdish +, writes (10 December 2011):
 well first and foremost, I would not use parents as a comparison basis, because they usually have their romance stories down and the actual events' bumps along the way are smoothed over after years of happy marriage (at least in my parents case lol).
2 1/2 years is getting up there to knowing what you want. But he either hasn't let himself think about it, and you caught him off guard, or he still needs more time. I tend to think that since people aren't all the same, they all have different triggerpoints where they may realize that a person is The One. at the same time, i know it's hard to jsut go on with someone that isn't sure when you feel SO sure. I suggest having a followup conversation if it wasn't made clear that you intended this to be the long haul, and that you won't wait around forever, so he should start considering where you two stand. WIth that in mind, take this next year to see if he is investing more commitment in you. If nothing changes you might want to let go. The alternate perspective is that you're young and you enjoy him now and maybe it's worth more to you to be with him as long as possible rather than creating a cold due date; it really just depends on how much you feel like you can handle his perspective on the relationship right now.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 December 2011): I'm sorry to hear that you didn't get the answer you wanted; that's always painful. But keep in mind that when you ask a question like that, you should always be prepared for the answer you don't want to hear.
Also, everyone is different, and every relationship is different. Some couples know that they want to get married very quickly, while others can take four or five years to get to that point. Your parents, obviously, are in the first category. However, your relationship with your boyfriend is not any less valid because it's taking you (or, more accurately, your boyfriend) longer to get there.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 December 2011): I understand where you're coming from and it can be very upsetting. Maybe he just hasn't thought ahead yet. This may be the last thing you want to do, but relax. A not sure is a lot better than a no. Let him know that if he does want to talk about the future, you're there to listen, but no rush.
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