A
male
age
36-40,
*amiCrazy
writes:I'm chinese but immigrated overseas when I was a child. I grew up and have become assimilated.About a year and a half ago I went back to china for a family matter. There I was introduced by a family friend to a girl.It turned out that she has been studying overseas in the city I live in. I'm having trouble trying to figure out where I am with this girl.In the beginning I went on a few dates, I had a good time although nothing really happened. She became a flake and so I presumed she wasn't interested and I moved on. About a month after I decided to break contact she sent me the most random sms message saying that she met a wonderful guy and stuff. I just congratulated her and said well done.Fast forward 6 months, I was with my parents at the theatre about to watch a show when my father piped up that she had come into my parents cafe and asked about me.I disregarded it as maybe just a friendly gesture, after all I still considered her a friend.The next week, I was told she came into the shop again and asked about me. Then she started texting me directly. I eventually agreed to meet up.I went on a few more dates and things seemed to be nice. However there were a few things which I found odd.1) She would often call herself fat and admit to me that she would skip meals in an attempt to lose weight.2) She throws me random questions out of left field. Stuff like, how I saw my own personality. Once she was flicking through a magazine in a diner we were in and began asking me stuff about the celebs in them and what I thought.3) Occasionally she would drop a clue about something... I haven't deciphered what exactly. The clearest example in my head was when she said that she learnt about relationships from her friends and that their advice was to appear "disinterested" at all times. She said that apologetically. I blinked and had no idea how the conversation turned to that.A factor making my mind worse is that there is a real cultural divide between us, despite me being ethnically the same. I don't get chinese girls.Ultimately she has started to become flakey again or she won't make time to meet up when I ask her. I'm taking that as disinterest and I'm prepared to move on again.What are your thoughts?
View related questions:
lose weight, move on, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, KamiCrazy +, writes (14 July 2011):
KamiCrazy is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHey thanks for the replies there masq and sammy.
I was on the cusp of moving on. She called and asked me to do her a favour. Went around to her house and sorted out the problem for her, I do this often for all my friends, plus I didn't want to give her the wrong message by declining.
On my way out of her house, she asked me whether we can meet up again before I go on holiday. I made a suggestion for this wednesday and she declined based on her being broke at this time. I said alright and left.
She texted me thanks the next day and suggested that I meet up with her when I get back from my trip. In the end I agreed to casually hang out sometime later this week. She said she was free on friday.
Today I tell her I will come around on friday. She then replied that she is actually busy going to a birthday dinner and then she'll be in town for the rest of the evening.
I'm done, I cannot be bothered with this.
A
female
reader, sammy1986  +, writes (6 July 2011):
i think she fancies you and by texting you to say she had met someone she was probably hoping you would tell her how you feel about her she was trying to make you jealous as for her being flakey she is trying to play it cool
...............................
A
female
reader, masquerade711  +, writes (6 July 2011):
 From what you're describing, this sounds like some minor game-playing. She has essentially admitted to you that the way she and her friends approach relationships is to appear completely disinterested. This seems less than ideal to me. Do you really want to be with somebody who acts as though they couldn't care less about you?
I can tell you that if a girl is interested in you, she will NOT act disinterested, even if that's the way she's always done it, and even if that's the way all of her friends do it. As for her calling herself fat, I'm 99% sure this is stemming from some self-esteem issues she may have, and she's looking for validation from you. When she calls herself fat she's waiting for you to respond and tell her that she's NOT fat. This is her way of feeling better about herself.
Bottom line is this: if you're tired of the games and you feel ready to move on, then move on. Find a girl who will be completely taken with you and won't play games. Be sure to make it clear to her why you are doing this, and stay strong in your own truth, remembering what YOU want.
masq
...............................
|
