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Im having trouble trusting my bf, any tips on how I can relax when he goes out ?

Tagged as: Big Questions, Troubled relationships, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (22 March 2007) 3 Answers - (Newest, 23 March 2007)
A female , anonymous writes:

How do I get over constantly calling my fiance when he doesn't answer his phone while he is out? He is gone on vacation for 2 months. I'd like to say that I can trust him, but I find it kind of weird that he goes out dancing and to bars by himself. When I ask if he danced with any girls (which he always asks me if I danced with any guys when I go out) he gets mad and says that the more I say it the more he will want to do it. I used to be a very confident and not jealous girl, why is this happening to me? Please someone give me some advice! Is it me, or is it him?

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A reader, anonymous, writes (23 March 2007):

By him being like this he is putting ideas in your head, i don't blame you either. Surely you can ask if he has danced with anyone without him getting all annoyed!!?? He asks you. Be strong, stand your ground and let him know that if he wants to know what you have been up to then he had better spill the beans on himself.

I used to have a bloke like that, he went out every friday night. I used to whittle about it as soon as he got ready, sometimes cried my eyes out while he was out, then sat waiting for his return. He never used to get home until after 2am! It drove me mad. Change of tac! I started doing that. I used to phone my friends when he went out. Didn't give a sh*t. Guess what? He stopped going out on friday night. We did split up years later because we didn't get on. Stop whittling and do it back to him, he will soon wake up. You will get your confidence back, just stop living in his shadows.

Take care

xx

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A female reader, chrissy32789 United States +, writes (23 March 2007):

chrissy32789 agony auntDear anonymous writer,

You have to have trust in this man when he goes out you are going to marry him and if you cant trust him now what is the since of getting married and not having trust, if he dont answer his phone dont worrie about it, inless he has been changing in diffrent ways like if he dont want to do anything with you anymore but he is just out having fun with his friends and other people things will be the same from the start.why dont the both of you go together, you say its weird how he goes by himself but you go by yourself to dont you? you both need to get the trust up and get rid of the jealous, and i wont put the blam on one another cause you both our out and doing the same thing, so maybe you should go out with him and see how he acts with the other females and he should go with you to see how you act...i hope i help and you should talk together about this!

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A reader, anonymous, writes (22 March 2007):

I would say its a bit of both but a lot more so him from what youve said. I personally consider a guy going out to clubs 'on his own' strange when he has a significant other at home.

If you are in a good relationship, you repsect each other and want to spend some time together. The best situation os to be with a partner who you also consider to be your best friend. This is what I am aiming for. Im single just now, have been for 3 1/2 weeks and my next gf will be my best friend.

If you cant talk to him or reason with him about this then it could be time to call it a day. It s not the end of the world. Sometimes if you both cant compromise on something important like this, then it shows its just not meant to be otherwise he would be inviting you to come with him or staying in with you.

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