I'm having trouble deciding between two guys.

A female age 36-40, anonymous writes:

I'm having trouble deciding between two guys. Maybe both are wrong for me, I don't know. Basically, one of the guys, I've had a very strange history with. I met him in college 5 years ago as acquaintances. His girlfriend was also an acquaintance. 3 years ago, he messaged me on facebook and told me his relationship was rocky. He was on and off with his, now ex. I always found him attractive and used that time to get to know him (I've had a history of insecure home wrecking for control but with him, I genuinely liked him, but I was also reckless)anyways, I started liking him online but when I met him in person, I wasn't swept off my feet. I still hooked up with him (my idea of forming relationships was all screwed up, I thought we were supposed to do that.) Although I kind of knew that he wasn't officially broken up with his ex. We both felt guilty and I avoided him. We still chatted and most of our conversations ended up being physical or skyping naked (his ex and him were still on and off) I almost wanted to win him over for being the sexy, seductive home wrecker. But I also liked him. I didn't want us to be official because of the ex girlfriend mess. These past 3 years I've avoided him and hooked up with him after he officially broke up with ex. But this past year, when I've lived closer to him, Ive tried to avoid him more because I don't want to start something serious with someone who I was fooling around with and being someone I didn't like. I wanted a clean slate with men where I'm not hooking up or being insecure. But this guy continues to tell me how much he truly and genuinely cares for me. The ex still haunts me though and although she's seeing someone else, they still talk. Not only that, I'm picky and independent. The times we hung out, something just didn't feel right for a real relationship. We'd argue, he'd annoy me, but I judged him too. I judged him for cheating, for thinking highly of himself and his opinions because he's a PhD student, for being a couple years younger than me, for talking down to me, and the fact that he called me condescending more than once. But no matter how much I've told him this won't work, he continues to tell me how amazing and perfect I am inside and out. Then I think about how strong we were physically and I get trapped in his seductive words. He pleasures and worships me in bed (the few times I've been in bed with him.) But I am just not sure if I'm avoiding him because of our past, because I am being picky and ungrateful, or because I don't want commitment.

View related questions: broke up, ex girlfriend, facebook, his ex, insecure, trapped

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