A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm having some problems with my bipolar boyfriend. Sometimes he says he wants to be with me,but when he is angry, he sometimes says he doesn't want to be with me. Yesterday, i told him that i wanted to meet an actor after a show that he is in, and i would have to go without my boyfriend , as he cant afford to go. He sad i was putting the actor before him, and said i should save my money for us to do things together, not for me to do something without him. He also asked me if he could " borrow " £2 from me ( he doesn't pay me back when i give him money, although he buys us food and drinks somtimes, and has bought me gifts ). I said no, and then he got angry with me again!. I asked him what the money was for ( i had a feeling it was for alcohol ) and he kept shouting at me to get out of his house.He calmed down, and i gave him the £2, as i felt pressured to. He did buy alcohol with it. I don't mind giving him money to buy food, but i dont like giving him money for alcohol. He is really sweet sometimes, and has done some generous things, but his temper is really starting to stress me out, and he says some horrible things. It can be difficult being with someone who is bipolar. I told him that i would rather not be around him when he was in that state, meaning when he has had a drink and when he is depressed, and he told that i should support him when he feels that way. There i only so much i can tolerate hough. What should i do ?. I'm in two minds about whether we should be together or not.
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 July 2012): Oops seems I read that wrong, you're not the OP. :P
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 July 2012): Okay thirteen years is a long time. I'll cede to your experience to be honest, I've never been in a relationship with someone who was bipolar although I've had my suspicions about some of my "unhinged" exes.
It seems you have reached the end of the line here OP, I mean if he says you can't separate the condition from the person they are then this is something you'll have to put up with or go.
I know there's varying degrees of course but my own experience of the people I know diagnosed bipolar, being and acting nasty is something they fight hard to control and in general do so quite well. Sure it's hard work but there are lots of techniques to do so, time outs, etc they know when they're feeling that way and can leave situations before things get too heated. There's also the fact that meds do help a great deal. I've experienced their bad moods and understand to keep things friendly and fine and not to impose myself on the situation and even deal with bouts of extreme frustration and venting but it's never directed at me.
I separate it from who my friends are very easily because they're good people, being in a good or bad mood is not who they are because they shield me from the worst of it.
Your boyfriend is the not trying to control it, he's venting at you directly, he's taking other drugs that are exacerbating his mental state and he tells you that you should support him when he flips out because he hasn't bothered to take his meds because he wants to run around manic only to flip out at you for meaningless stuff?
Again OP, that's not his disease that's his choice. He's quite simply not protecting you from it enough and when you tell him he should do that he throws that back in your face like you're the person in the wrong and he can't help it, maybe not, but he could at least protect you from it.
I don't think you have many options here OP, 13 years is long enough to know whether this is just going to be the way things are or whether things can change.
Good luck OP, if it's the end then so be it, 13 years is a good go of it, do what's best for your own future, life and mental well being. Relationships can have their tough times but until I got into my current one of 7 years I never realized how seldom those tough times can really be and should be.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 July 2012): I have been with my bipolar b/friend for thirteen years.
I love him, but I do not think you can separate the disease of bipolar disorder from "who they are". At least, this is what he tells me. Without medication it is hard...and many go off the meds because they do not want to feel medicated and enjoy the manic behavior. Personally, I am patient and loving but after thirteen years, I think I am looking a lot older, and god knows I feel it. Now he is taking percoset as a recreational drug, it is wreaking havoc as the effects are nasty. I am just about through, and afraid he has ruined relationships for me for good. There is only so much one can put in when the results end like this--- just be careful, very very careful. From the Massachusetts, Good luck.
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 July 2012): That's not just a person who is bipolar OP he's making excuses. I have bipolar friends and they're not ignorant, selfish or greedy. In fact they're the ones who stay away from their girlfriends when they have a depressive episode and they certainly don't explode at them and kick them out of the house for not giving them money.
OP this is nothing to do with him being bipolar he's just using that as an excuse to be an asshole.
He's just an asshole. Supporting him when he feels that way is not to stay around and tolerate it OP, if he want support then he has to treat you right, being bipolar doesn't give him a free pass on being a good boyfriend.
I would walk away, good relationships don't involve this kind of thing and even if a psychologist said this is all part of his condition then he should go find someone else who is bipolar then because I certainly wouldn't live with such a volatile, hot and cold person who can explode at any time.
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