A
female
age
36-40,
*zrlinz
writes:Hi aunts.I don't really know where to start. I have been dating my boyfriend for almost three years, and we live together. We have come through a lot together, and I am quite attatched to him. But lately, I'm having second thoughts. Sometimes I wonder if I can really be with him for the rest of my life. He is a hard working guy, and I do love him, but there are things about him that I hate. He does show me affection,but not consistently. He talks to other girls a lot, and sometimes I wonder if he is looking to find another girl other than me. Sometimes I just wonder what my life would be like if I were single, not having to worry about anything. Or if there is someone out there better for me. I mean, sometimes I think I am settling, other tiems I think there couldn't be a better guy for me.I'm just confused. Is this normal? After you have been dating the same guy for a while? And being forced to think about your future because you are getting older and about to finish your degree...I just don't know. I don't think I have the strength to break up with him, but I don't know if I have the patience sometimes to be with him forever. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 March 2009): In my experience, there are three main things you would need to look at to see if someone is right for you- 1- if u have an issue or a problem within the relationship and confront him about it and he handles it well and is willing to compromise and understand then thats a good thing- 2- If he has respect for you like he would someone he cares about, and whether he takes u for granted -3- you should see whether there is true FRIENDship there in the relationship, just just love as this eventually fades-you need to be able to laugh and have a good time together as friends should.These three things will give u the sort of guideline that u may need in order to feel like he is the one for u. If you feel u cnt confide in him or he wont listen, he doesnt respect u like he would his friends, and u cnt laugh together for ages then maybe u need to rethink. Make a list of what YOU want out of a relationship, and weigh how he measures up. Good luck, i know its very hard, especially if you still love him. xxx
A
male
reader, osito  +, writes (14 March 2009):
you've been going out with him for 3 years now and thats a long time, it's only natural to have doubts specially now that u have to consider ur future and where ur boyfriend fits into it but that doesn't mean that u leave him and end the relationship, think about it, don't u think he deserves to be treated better than that? if u have a problem with him talking to other girls a lot then tell him so and do it in the most mature and passive manner possible but make ur opinion on this paticular habit of his clear to him, if he loves u then he'll appreciate ur situation n make sure that he doesn't make the same mistake again. as far as wether he's perfect for you or not, is one question ur gonna have to answer for urself. think about it, would u be happy without him in ur life or would u like to make him a part of it, depending upon the answer make ur decision. if u think that he's looking for some other girl then try to substantiate it with some proof but that doesn't mean u should become paranoid or start doubting all his actions. if this issue really bothers u then have a talk about it with him, don't end ur relationship just due to a hunch. let him know if u have any insecurities n the things(specially his actions or habits) that have caused them n he'll definately make sure that he doesn't give u any reason to feel that way again. don't let such a situation arise where u might find out that he's the one for u after it's to late. my girlfriend faced isecurities regarding me leaving her for someone else to, but we dealt with the issue early on and in a mature manner(talking about it, more talking and lots of heart to heart conversations), now we're both very happy together and she has never felt insecure again. hope this helps u n that ur able to solve ur problem.
best of luck and please update!
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A
female
reader, AuntieSophiex  +, writes (14 March 2009):
 Hello.
It sounds like a bit of jealousy maybe with him talking to other girls. He will have mates that are girls, and this happens alot in relationship. It's normal for you to think that.
If he doesn't want to be with you, he would of shown alot more signs, like, not saying he loves you, not being around you, not being a boyfriend material at all.
Go on a holiday, a little break or a romantic dinner, to calm down your feelings & get a little you time.
Let me know how things go.
Auntie Sophie x
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