A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I did a google search and read something on this site which was really close to my situation.I am 20 years old and I have been in a serious relationship with a 40 year old man for 8 months now.We actually have a long distance relationship and just recently we have been having some issues. We were speaking about birthdays and I told him that I was interested in attending my friends birthday party which is upcoming and he got upset, right away I noticed that his attitude changed and I confronted him, he said that stopped going out and meeting with his friends because of me and expects me to do the same, so I asked him why he said that if I go out then that means I am going to look for men,get drunk and have sex. The second issue is that I missed on of his calls becuase I didn't hear my phone ring and when I finally checked my phone I saw a text from him saying that "ur young and u want 2 enjoy life. Lots of men are attracted to you and u love the attention. Im 2 far, its not working. "Its seems you need some time alone, thats why you can't answer the phone. you said you loved me, and i guess you are not going to answer the phone because i mean nothing to you"this is another time that i didn't answer my phone I know you could never be honest and wait for me. i hope you had a good time with your new man, don't ever call me again and im gonna collect all the things i gave to you when i come back down. Obviously he has trust issues but he is tryin to control me, he doesn't want me to go out, wear anything an inch above the knee,i can't call or speak to any of male friends. Now I have a good idea why his ex didn't accept his marriage proposal.I am seriously having second thoughts on this relationship and I'm not sure if I do love him. Should I move one. I really need your help.
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female
reader, T-Marie  +, writes (11 August 2010):
 Hey there,
This is so familiar to things that I have been through.
First of all the fact that your partner is 20 years your senior means he is automatically going to have some trust issues, not only that, but he will constantly worry that you haven't lived your life yet, whereas he has already been there and done that and bought the metaphorical T-shirt.
You really need to speak to him, stress and emphasise that you do not have another man, and that you have every intention of being with him, and him alone.
But... you HAVE to express that the paranoia, abrupt and confrontational text messages and other jealous behaviour HAS to stop!
Explain to him that if he continues to treat you in that way then things are not going to work, as much as you don't want to leave him, you will be left with no choice.
Ask him if he loves you, if his answer is yes then tell him that you love him and that you just want to have a healthy and serious relationship with him but also express the way you feel he is making things very hard.
I hope this helps xxx T
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