A
male
age
30-35,
*reasel
writes:i dated a girl for over two years, and recently we broke up on trust issues due to events in the past. For the first year of the relationship i took it as a free ride and cheated on her twice while away at uni. I admitted both of this two her and we did stay together for just over a year after that. I regretted what i did deeply, and i did love her ever since.Ive been trying since to get her back through proving my feelings for her and that she can trust me.For the last two months, we have been in regular contact, almost as much as when we were dating. We have met up twice, first time she ended up kissing me, and the second time we slept together. She came over for a weekend and it was like we were dating again. However, as soon as she leaves, she becomes hostile to me and constantly seems to hate talking to me at all. Ive also realised that she has not been at all supportive of me or nice of her own vocation. She never calls, its always me who calls and often she tells me to bugger off. She keeps giving me very mixed signals, and ive been bending over backwards to please her, but she doesnt seem to notice it at all, let alone appericate it. She does say that she "does not want a relationship" at the moment but i keep getting the feeling she is messing me around for her own benift. Currently, we are planning to move in together as flatmates for two months to see if we can work things out, however, i'm starting to get tired of constantly trying to prove myself to her, and that if we got back together, would it be that i had to constantly bow down to her and please her. Currently she normally getting her way in everything, mainly due to me trying to please her.What should i do? I'm really having second thoughts about her moving in for the two months, since i dont want to get hurt and she seems really self centered at the moment. She's been like that since i admitted that i cheated on her before.
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 May 2009): This girl doesn`t trust you at all.
Maybe you need to move on. The male anonymous is right what he says.How can she expect you will not cheat on her again?
Also youre having second thoughts a week before you move in together and you tell her this now. I think thats completely disrespectable and I can tell you she will be unbelievably hurt by this.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 May 2009): It seems understandable that this girl has mixed feelings about you if you cheated on her. Of course she has feelings of anger, sadness, anxiety and probably some depression. I absolutely do not suggest moving in with her. If you are going to build trust back up with her, you have a long road ahead of you. Until, you will both need your space because there will be plenty of arguments and unpleasant discussions. Save your money on getting a place together, I suggest seeing a counselor together instead.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 May 2009): this obviously does not trust you, i imagine her heart is telling her one thing but her head is (quite rightly too) telling her another. you disrespected her by cheating on her, and im sure that she is in turmoil on whether she can trust you with her heart again. It sounds like she wants to but her head is warning her not too.
of course this girl will act this way, what did you expect? "oh you cheated?, well never mind eh...i will just carry on as before and leave myself open to the hurt again"??? think about it.
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A
female
reader, aphexinfinite +, writes (20 May 2009):
 well you cheated once perhaps permittable twice then how is she ever to know you wont do a it a third time. so that will constantly be going on in her head. trust him or hate him for what hes done. you have prob broke her heart and nothing will change that some people can work it out most cant. once the trust is gone its hard to come back or if it comes back. nothing you can do can make up for what you have done. and its no wonder she doesnt want a relationship because she prob cant trust you. her seeing is her perhaps wanting to but she cant and she hates herself and you for it.and as for being self centered shes looking out for number one because she cant trust you to see were im going with this TRUST goes along way and youve broken it all. by the sounds of it your not getting what you want out of this and nothing you do doesnt work then move on. if you really want her then give it a try. but dont be suprised if it doesnt work out because you broke the trust. also you cant spend every living moment with her to prove you wont do it again trust will come or it wont and if their is no trust their is no relationship. i wish you luck aphex x
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