A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Basically, I have issues with my mother. Don't get me wrong, I love her dearly and all but most of the times, she's just TOO unreasonable and conservative for her own good. To begin with, she won't allow me to wear make-up. I'm 16 by the way and I think I'm old enough for that. One time I put on a little eyeliner for my friend's party, she lectured me for a whole hour after that. How is that fair? All the girls can cake their faces with make-up and I put on a little eyeliner, I get this. And then, she won't allow me to wear 'revealing' dresses. By revealing, I mean even sleeveless dresses fall into that category for her! Also, shorts that are above my knees are not allowed because she fears that it might 'attract sexual predators.' I live in a tropical country and not being able to wear shorts is ridiculous because it's so warm here everyday. I've never had a boyfriend my entire life because it's a no-no until I finish my studies. Which includes college etc etc. She wouldn't even allow me to like any guys because it would 'distract' me from my studies. Honestly, living under the same roof, I'm not allowed to talk when she lectures me. And whenever I go out (which is very, very rare) with my friends, she'd interrogate me about every petty detail. It gets so tiring that when my friends ask me to go out, I just lie to them and say I cannot but the truth is, I'm just afraid and worried to ask my mom because the process would just repeat itself. All the time, I have to fake a smile even if I'm having a totally bad day because she doesn't want to see a frown on my face. Whenever she scolds me, I can't show my dissapointment or sadness. I just HAVE to smile and act like it was nothing after that. I feel like a total loser compared to my other friends because all the time, I only stay at home. I don't get to have much fun and I don't wear nice clothes because it would be too 'revealing' in her eyes. I get so sick of her sometimes because I'm never allowed to tell her all her flaws and how I hate all her rules. I won't ever break them though because she can be the harshest and most unreasonable mother. I won't doubt what she can do because she will. One time, when we were on a holiday, only my mother and I, she abandoned me at the harbor we were at because I didn't 'put enough effort' in taking photographs. I was all alone there at about 7pm. It was dark and cold, I had never been that scared my entire life. I was penniless and I was literally shivering. The harbor was huge and that didn't help that she was wearing the most common color. I was clueless and I cried because I didn't know what to do. But fortunately, after probably an hour of searching for her around the big area, I found her. She forgived me then, even though I didn't exactly know what I did wrong. I really cannot stand having to bow down to her rules, ridiculous ones even. I need the freedom I deserve because I've been constantly bugged by this for a long long time. I'm suffering in this house and I don't know what to do anymore. I cannot talk to her because she might get offended and then do unpleasant things to me. I don't want to be rude to her as well because I love her and I appreciate all she did for me all these years. Please help.
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female
reader, oliviaclairex  +, writes (27 November 2009):
 You're mother does love you, and is just worried for your safety. About when she left you because of the photographs is insane though! Talk to her about that and say it hurt you etc. but a lot of mothers are like that!I'm 15, and i can wear what i want, and make up and i go out all the time. But if it's a party my mum has to pick me up i can't stay if she doesn't know the parents and it does get annoying!I think you should talk to her. Or this may sound stupid but if you don't want to talk to her, write her a letter. You're old enough now to be responsible for some things, and she should let you be independent. xxxx
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 November 2009): Well, I know how you feel. I grew up with a very obsessive father who wouldn't allow me to even hang out with my cousins because they were boys. Luckily for me, I dodnt live with my father full time, as my mother had custody of me. Not that she was a dance on roses, but she was a lot more fair than I think most parents can be. However, my dad was very very unfair. Whatever he did wrong he would blame me for it. When he'd forget to do something, or he messed up, even though I had absolutely nothing to do with it, he would blame me. If I refused, he could get mad, and hit me, or lift me up by my hair or my ear. It hurt a lot, I was terrified of him, but at the same time too much of a rebel to never go against him. So I had a bit of a challenge in my childhood, like you.
I also wished there was something I could do. It feels so insane the ruls they give sometimes, their reasoning, and you understand that even when they are adults, sometimes they really don't have a clue. Sometimes they are really stupid and make mistakes. But you can not tell them. You must suffer through it, because what can you do? You depend on your parents when you are young. And that is the prize to pay for some of us, growing up can toughen us up.
You can do nothing other than promise yourself, you will be a better mother for your child. And then bring the lessons you've learned with you as you become an adult.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (27 November 2009):
 Okay, here goes. You live in a country where I beleive there are some very strict rules to live by.
I agree that in some countries you would be permitted to wear some makeup at your age, and also in some countries girls are permitted by their parents to wear very revealing clothing at a very young age (I don't approve by the way).
However, I am sure your mother is only looking out for you and wanting the best for you. If you really feel she is being too hard and unrelenting compared to other mothers in your circle of family or close friends, is there another, older female you can talk to who might talk to your mother on your behalf?
If that doesnt work you might just have to put up with her until you are a little bit older and can legally make decisions for youself.
I am sorry, because I know what it is like to feel contrained and constricted by society or family but there isnt a lot that I can suggest for you to do.
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