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female
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anonymous
writes: I love my partner that im with and having his baby but im still madly in love with my first childs father what should i do ? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 August 2006): Reading your posting made me feel sad for your children, hun. You sound very young. I say this, because here you are... pregnant with a child from one man and you have a child from another man. Yet, after all this, you can't seem to decide the kind of life you want or the man you want to share that life with. You seem to be haphazardly be running all your important life decisions on pure 'feelings and emotions' Realize that any decision about what you do in your future will affect the lives of two innocent babies. So let's get this "madly in love" feeling into perspective. Let's use our head.
I'm sure you are looking for that woderful euphoric high that being madly 'in love ' brings. You love that feeling of excitment you experience when you around your ex bf. Like so many people out there, you seem to think that the idea of being madly "in love" is important to lasting, forever happiness and a solid, long- term relationship. You have to understand, this is completely false. Being madly "In love" is totally an emotional state that doesn't last long over the long term. Being 'madly in love' is not what is going to give your babies a happy future..a good life. On the other hand, maturely and honestly loving someone is a decision you make, sometimes hourly, minute by minute, even when the going gets tough, you need to commit yourself forever to one person. When you make that decision, all other possibilities close.
Hun, I really do think it's time for you to to plan your life with a bit more maturity/clarity for the sake of your babies, instead of just letting it happen and doing just what you want. Because with 2 kids, this is no longer 'just about your needs and wants'. Sit down and really think where and how you want your life to look in 5, 10, and 20 years. Then think about what you need to do to achieve these goals. Then decide whom you really want . This will give you a framework and a sense of purpose for you and your babies. If you decide to go with your ex bf, ask yourself..is he up for the hard work it will take to helping you raise two babies? Is the issues you two went through before that caused your initial break up, all been dealt with? Will he be able to raise another man's baby? All I am trying to point out here to you, is that listening to one’s heart is important, but the brain must be fully involved too. There are two other young, dependent children counting on you to make the best decision for their future. You have a huge decision to make...give yourself time to think long and hard. But make the best decision for the future..not just for the here and now. Good luck.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 August 2006): why don't you list the positives and negatives of both partners? (as in how they make you feel, who you have a better time with, etc) Are you sure that you are madly in love with your ex? Or maybe it's that you want him because you can't have him? If you really do end up thinking your ex is the best, then I think you should get back with him. There's no sense in being in a relationship with someone if you don't *really* love that person - it's not healthy for you, which in turn would be unhealthy for your kids. I don't think you want them to grow up seeing mom treat dad like he's just a roommate or worse. You want them to grow up in a house full of love so they learn how to love themselves. Being around a loving environment in all aspects is what a child (and YOU) need.
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A
female
reader, anna1 +, writes (9 August 2006):
I think you need to move forward not move back, you and your ex broke up for a reason, you need to concentrate on the here and now, and look forward to your future with your partner. I do believe it IS possible to love more than 1 person, but in different ways, I would definately stick with the new partner though, that relationship has more chance of succeeding than you and your ex have.
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A
female
reader, bonym  +, writes (9 August 2006):
 No dear, you cant love two people at the same time, you may be very fond of your current partner to the point where you become pregnant by him but why did you and your first childs father break up in the first place?
What you need to do is decide who do yo u REALLY love. If you never fell out of love with the first guy, why have you got pregnant with someone else? You need to decide. xXx
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