| A
male
,
anonymous
writes: I need some help, I'm gay and I have a boyfriend. I know that NO ONE suspects me at all as I have ladies always hinting things and flirting with me, so no one suspects a thing people just think that I haven't meet the special one yet.Thing is, I have meet the special one A MAN and we love each other dearly and we'll be getting married. My problem is that i've always secretly known that I was DIFFERENT-gay and always felt attracted to men but id always comment on the pretty girls that would walk by. I'm not a dancing fairy queen-do not like that, as i behave like a perfect hetro man.Thing is that if i never met my boyfriend i would have had a girlfriend, mostly to be accepted by society and to be "like everyone else" and hide my feelings, but in the long term i'm sure i wouldn't be happy.I have a very good friend who is a girl, and while we were back in college we were very close, like best friends, but like bro and sis. I know that she has had deeper feelings for me. She got involved with someone and when we left college we lost touch until last year we met up, and become good friends again, she knows that i'm very fussy when it comes to the right "girlfriend" as i wont settle for anyone.She came out of a 5yr relationship which ended and she knew that it would as things were not going well, now she is doubting love and men saying that she misses the company of being a couple with someone, but enjoys the freedom.she knows that we are not for each other we are good friends and she knows that My feelings towards her are not girlfriend partner feelings nor are hers as she is looking for someone.I want to tell her that i'm gay and i know that it will hurt her and make her doubt all men as she still had hope knowing that there were good men like me still out there and i know that i'll crush her with telling her that i'm gay.No one knows and i want to tell her i know she'll be hurt and i know that she'll look at me differently which will hurt me if i loose her as a friend.What do i do? please help.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, chachacha  +, writes (29 April 2006):
Just tell people! It's really easy and if you make nothing much of it, they won't either.
With your female friend, just say: "hey, I am so happy, I have met someone I really really like, and I would like you to meet him". She'll say something like "cool, I'd love to meet him, where'd you meet him?". Your other friends'll be the same.
At work, people always talking about their other halves without really bothering to introduce them, they say things like "Jane's invited people to dinner on Saturday" and you're supposed to figure out that Jane is the wife. So, you just do the same thing. ie if your new bf is called Fred, you say "Fred & I are going to the pictures on Saturday" or "Fred & I are going to Myknonos for our holiday" and they'll work it out.
Try and make some more gay friends too, so that you can realise that you are not "DIFFERENT" as such, and that you can have a relationship with a man without having to be a "perfect hetreo". Everyone is different and you would be happier if you got comfortable with yourself, like everyone has to, irrespective of their sexuality.
good luck
Good luck
A
female
reader, chachacha +, writes (29 April 2006):
Just tell people! It's really easy and if you make nothing much of it, they won't either.
With your female friend, just say: "hey, I am so happy, I have met someone I really really like, and I would like you to meet him". She'll say something like "cool, I'd love to meet him, where'd you meet him?". Your other friends'll be the same.
At work, people always talking about their other halves without really bothering to introduce them, they say things like "Jane's invited people to dinner on Saturday" and you're supposed to figure out that Jane is the wife. So, you just do the same thing. ie if your new bf is called Fred, you say "Fred & I are going to the pictures on Saturday" or "Fred & I are going to Myknonos for our holiday" and they'll work it out.
Try and make some more gay friends too, so that you can realise that you are not "DIFFERENT" as such, and that you can have a relationship with a man without having to be a "perfect hetreo". Everyone is different and you would be happier if you got comfortable with yourself, like everyone has to, irrespective of their sexuality.
good luck
Good luck
...............................
A
female
reader, chachacha +, writes (29 April 2006):
Just tell people! It's really easy and if you make nothing much of it, they won't either.
With your female friend, just say: "hey, I am so happy, I have met someone I really really like, and I would like you to meet him". She'll say something like "cool, I'd love to meet him, where'd you meet him?". Your other friends'll be the same.
At work, people always talking about their other halves without really bothering to introduce them, they say things like "Jane's invited people to dinner on Saturday" and you're supposed to figure out that Jane is the wife. So, you just do the same thing. ie if your new bf is called Fred, you say "Fred & I are going to the pictures on Saturday" or "Fred & I are going to Myknonos for our holiday" and they'll work it out.
Try and make some more gay friends too, so that you can realise that you are not "DIFFERENT" as such, and that you can have a relationship with a man without having to be a "perfect hetreo". Everyone is different and you would be happier if you got comfortable with yourself, like everyone has to, irrespective of their sexuality.
good luck
Good luck
...............................
A
female
reader, chachacha +, writes (29 April 2006):
Just tell people! It's really easy and if you make nothing much of it, they won't either.
With your female friend, just say: "hey, I am so happy, I have met someone I really really like, and I would like you to meet him". She'll say something like "cool, I'd love to meet him, where'd you meet him?". Your other friends'll be the same.
At work, people always talking about their other halves without really bothering to introduce them, they say things like "Jane's invited people to dinner on Saturday" and you're supposed to figure out that Jane is the wife. So, you just do the same thing. ie if your new bf is called Fred, you say "Fred & I are going to the pictures on Saturday" or "Fred & I are going to Myknonos for our holiday" and they'll work it out.
Try and make some more gay friends too, so that you can realise that you are not "DIFFERENT" as such, and that you can have a relationship with a man without having to be a "perfect hetreo". Everyone is different and you would be happier if you got comfortable with yourself, like everyone has to, irrespective of their sexuality.
good luck
Good luck
...............................
A
female
reader, Floppy +, writes (28 April 2006):
 Hello, for startes, you shouldn't be scared of who you are! You should be proud. Tell people that you;re gay and i bet they will respect you more than you think they will. Tell them in a subtle way and say that you have been scared to tell them but feel it is best that you get it out. Make sure everyone knows how important they really are to you. And if they really are your friends they will respect you for who you are and carry on as normal! They can even meet your boyfriend if you do so!! Go ahead! and be proud!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 April 2006): im sure whe would rather think your gay than that she is ugly. get her told.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 April 2006): dont hide your feelings what ever you do, If you love him then go for it as you will only regret it in the future, you cant lead a double life. Think hard about where your felings are and go for it. If it is with the bloke then dont be afraid i'm not gay but i am in a relationship with a first cousin and thats difficult to get people to accept as it is but they will be strong and let no one stand in your way
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 April 2006): It sounds to me like she won't react badly at all. If she is your friend, she will be very happy for you and glad you told her!I don't see why you're scared of telling her. Do you really think she'll be crushed that a "nice" guy turns out to be gay? Of course not!I bet, if any thing, your friendship will be even stronger. Imagine being able to tell her your feelings about this guy and her being there to listen to you? Your friendship won't change. You will still be close. And in the unlikely event that she doesn't accept you for being gay - it shows she wasn't your friend at all, doesn't it?On another note - I think you need to become comfortable with who you are. Just because you're attracted to guys doesn't mean you have to turn in to a "dancing fairy queen"; sexuality is part of your mind, it's not what you wear, or how you act, or how you speak. Sexuality is within.Be true to your feelings, and trust in your friend to tell them your concerns. I bet it'll be fine. Good luck, Peter.
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