A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Hey y'all,I was together with my bf for 4 months in the same city. We spent the nights and days together in the same appartment for most of the time. So it was almost like we lived together.. However it's been almost 2 months now that we are in a LDR. We had to cz of work- not in the same cities, and it's more than a 6 hours drive... It's all going okay, we video chat and text usually.. but we work all day, and he comes home very tired, so we dont get as much time together as we used to. and that sucks cz we love each other..Plus, now his brother is living with him, so he doesnt call, he texts like twice or three times a day and disappears, i don't want to be like very needy, cz he gets sad when he feels helpless and cant make me happy...I mean I understand it all, but how can I cope?
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male
reader, no nonsense Aidan  +, writes (22 March 2020):
Unfortunately, this is what an LDR is like. Visits are less frequent, and you have to rely on technology if you still want the regular contact. Either you learn to live with it, agree a deadline by which you will be closer together (most couples expect the distance to be a temporary issue), or accept that it isn’t going to work and end it. That might sound harsh but those are the only 3 options open to you. Not everyone is cut out for an LDR and that’s okay, but you have to be honest with yourself about this.
You cope by getting on with your own life. Spend lots of time with any friends and family that you have around you. Focus on your work, study or whatever it is that you do. Spend time on your hobbies and perhaps try some new ones. Be independent and create a good life for yourself and encourage him to do the same.
I wish you all the very best.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 March 2020): The goal or short-term objective of a long-distance romance is to be together at some point. You have to face the reality of whether or not that will be feasible in a reasonable stretch of time. If you don't see that happening in the foreseeable-future; maybe an LDR is too much for you.
Living with his brother fills his lonely hours; and his brother probably encourages him to get out more. They're bros! Sorry, but girls just don't come between them! They're not just buddies, they're siblings!
Right-now, having his brother as a roommate is a novelty; and naturally, they will be running-buddies. The novelty will wear-off. Once his bro gets settled; he's going to start dating, and they'll separate a bit. Now is the time to remind him that he's making you feel neglected; and you're starting to feel the distance. Also remind him that it takes two to make this work. You understand he's spending time with his brother; but it's disrespectful to just leave you waiting, until he gets around to a chat now and then. You can't expect him to sit at home on weekends; and do nothing but chat back and forth. You should have considered this before agreeing to an LDR!
This is also where you have to assess the situation; and decide if you're strong enough to deal with an LDR. You don't know until you actually have to go through it. If you're writing DC, it seems you're not faring well; and he's getting a little too much aware of his freedom. How can he help it, you're not there? You're both very young, your free-time is going to be pretty active at this stage in life; and long-distance relationships aren't for everyone. Sometimes more of a strain than they're worth; unless you're pretty well-established, or a married-couple.
If you can't cope, don't be strung-along! Make up your mind if this is enough. If not, maybe the LDR has run it's course. You also need friends, a hobby, and other activities to enjoy; other than waiting around for him to call. If he's getting too busy; then he's not as committed to the LDR as you are. He's a guy, he's not going to be as emotional and driven by feelings about romance as a female. If your relationship had deeper-roots, you probably wouldn't be writing DC.
I don't want to discourage you; but six months just isn't a very long time to establish a strong-relationship. It's harder for people so young; and it's just not enough to conduct a romance via online and by phone. You need physical-contact, emotional-interaction, and real-time affection to keep you close. Meanwhile, his brother is going to be his sidekick and main distraction like brothers will be. Don't resent his brother, because you don't know which one is the one keeping your boo so busy. Your boyfriend could be the one who decided to cut-down on his contact with you; with no help from his brother whatsoever! In any case, his brother is not to be blamed; your boyfriend is a grown-man!
If you're still finding this a strain after talking to him about it; you'll have to find the strength to let-go of it.
Your romance hasn't been connected long enough to form a tight enough bond to secure it; and you're both too young to be holding-on to a relationship that really hasn't lasted very long, before distance and his brother wedged in-between you. Your age is both a blessing and a curse, when it comes to an LDR!
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A
female
reader, NORA B  +, writes (20 March 2020):
It is very difficult to cope with a L.D.R.and while you feel that you understand it all..that is not so.Otherwise you would not be seeking help...and i can understand ,First in a L.D.R.there must be [1] A commitment on both sides [2] there must be trust .[3] there must be a lot more communication than just 2 or 3 texts [4] because his brother is living with him that is no excuse not to ring you.To be honest 6 hours drive away is not a world apart...and to visit each other every month or two months would not be to difficult.However when 2 people are apart.it can create problems..each person have their own life ,their own friends..and it is possible that one or the other may drift apart.Would you consider next time you are talking to him and explain how you feel...and see what he views are .To keep love alive in a L.D R..It take 2 people to work hard at it..and to talk about any problems they might have in a honest and honest way.Send gifts,ecards mails..not just texts photographs maybe connect on Skype ,Might be wise to have this chat sooner than later.in the meantime hold part of your heart on reserve,Best Wishes NORA B.
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