A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I had a really rocky start, he constantly said there would be no relationship etc, but then finally asked me out 2 weeks ago, it's been really awesome, but since going out with him, I've noticed some weird things that are starting to upset me -1. He needs to be with people constantly, but not me. He has friends with him constantly, from 8am - 11pm, then it's my time with him on his own, he just wants space. A friend of his even came up to me and said "I don't think he can be on his own for some reason", but when it's finally time for time together, he's feeling suffocated. 2. Serious childness, needing of motherly care. There's an older woman (50ish) that basically lives here because of him, they're friends, but it's odd. He makes her come to his room every break we have, then if she isn't there and me and him are together, he'll ask me where he is, talk about her, or phone her to tell her to come up. He's constantly doing something with her, and when we do something together he's always going on about how much more fun it would be if this woman was here. He does stuff for her all the time, and then refuses to do it for me. Like I got an ipad, and he's a computer geek, so I expected him to help a little, but he didn't, at all. This woman just got an ipad, and he did EVERYTHING for her, stuff that I've been waiting weeks for, he did it today for her, without her asking. :/ He walked into the room, and I was there, expecting a cuddle or something, but instead he said "Oh... Thought you were *this woman*, do you know where she is?" Then left. I don't know what to do, he's like obsessed with this woman, my friends thinks it's a motherly thing, but it's just weird!! I'm getting completely pushed out by this woman. I'm not blaming her at all, she's nothing but polite to me, and she's even getting fed up with him.He's making me feel so boring. :( Reply to this Question
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (5 December 2012):
 In part I agree with the anon reader, it may be that you are not compatible because you are at different level of maturity, with different expectations in terms of communication and closeness. Which is not that strange if he's your age , in fact pretty normal. At 18-21 ... he's basically still a kid, and most kids love to live in packs and always feel part of the group. While, at the same age, as a woman you may be more prepared to handle the extra closeness, and the social limitations too, of a real relationship.OK, you can't just start dating men in their 30s,...but you can't even quite expect that a boy would handle a relationship as a grown up would do, unless he is very mature ( and your bf does not sound so ). All you can do is compromise. Talk to him and explain him that a relationship needs also special, private time to grow and get better , and that you need to schedule SOME " just us " time. If he understands ,fine- if he does not, you might have to break up, but do not take it personally , at his age it is not uncommom that he thinks of his gf ... just as "one of the guys " he can also have sex with.
As for the older lady ... I am a bit less optimistic than the anon reader, I am not saying that anything is going on, but I am not sure that it's all that " motherly ". Sure, the age gap is humongous,... but you'd be surprised to find out how the Mrs. Robinson fantasy is popular and wide spread. Some try to act it out, some don't ,but, more often than not, if he is so keen on this older woman, is not just because he needs mothering, after all how many young guys spend a lot of time with their own mothers even when they can ?
That's another thing that you have to decide how to handle . If you want just to smile over it, as if he had a crush for a movie star... or , if you feel his attention should only be on you.
Personally, ...I'd let him go. Surely,the problems could be fixed if both parties wanted, but , he never wanted a relationship to begin with, and the start was rocky. I think that he sees you two dating officially as ALREADY a big,huge compromise and won't be inclined to make any big changes in his schedule and social life just for you.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 December 2012): kind of weird... but i think that he is not ready/mature for a relationship... usually when you feel good with your gf / bf they are the equivalent of a (best) friend and it's important to have your time alone to share experiences. your partner should put you as his priority (up to a certain degree) compared to his friends, but it sounds like he is using you to fill a void when he is not around his friends or this older woman.
maybe he does love you, but he clearly has some issues (and probably emotional dependencies on others) that he needs to sort out before focusing and taking good care of a gf!
Please don't put yourself in question. if you're feeling down in the relationship or your partner doesn't make you feel good about yourself it's because there is something wrong with the relationship or you guys maybe aren't compatible and are looking for different things.
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