A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I feel so broken and hopeless. Im having a difficult time letting go of my cheating/lying girlfriend. We've broken up several times only to get back together. My heart still yearn for her, she was the first woman I fell for and had sex with. This year would've made 3yrs. I torture myself looking for and finding all evidence that she's cheating. Then I go through the trouble of finding out about the lady she cheats with.....if she's married, have kids, employed, college degree, beautiful, wonderful sexy body. Then I compare her to myself having multiple income, degree, no kids, former model, and very capable of taking care of myself and someone else if need be. I don't want her but I'm too weak to stand firm when she's constantly contacting me. It's so painful. I can't begin to heal bc we are getting together this weekend. I don't want a relationship with her, its just that she's my first and I put my all into her thinking we would last and she has gold with me. I blame myself and her. I'm not without fault, I wasn't perfect in our relationship but I never told another woman I love her or wanted to sex her. I kept no woman behind my woman back. I can't go cold turkey with no contact so I'm trying to introduce other people in my life so I can have a network and get out and enjoy my life. Im lesbian if that makes a difference, but I need some guidance. I can't promise I won't mess up bc this is the hardest thing to deal with for me. Thanks for reading and helping out.
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionMy gf is not married nor have kids "I torture myself looking for and finding all evidence that she's cheating. Then I go through the trouble of finding out about the lady she cheats with.....if she's married, have kids, employed, college degree, beautiful, wonderful sexy body. Then I compare her to myself having multiple income, degree, no kids, former model, and very capable of taking care of myself and someone else if need be."
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2013): 20 years on from my first and I still have feelings for them. It's completely and utterly natural. The awaken of intense emotions towards a first love is very powerful but unfortunately if it's one sided then it's not worth holding on to something when it's not right.
You have taken the steps to distance yourself from this woman, but this woman is married, has kids, so not only is she lying to YOU but to her FAMILY as well. There is no future there, only someone who's selfish and living her life whilst preventing you from living yours!
Seems this is your first relationship with a woman and you've come out. You want to meet other women then go hang out at bars where like minded women meet. That's no guarantee you'll find a decent person who won't cheat on you, but you need to start living your life.
No contact. She's not your friend. She has a family. If she really cared for you she would let you go. Delete her from phone, block her number, delete her e-mail. LIVE yOUR LIFE :)
Good Luck
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (4 January 2013):
 The first girl who put out for a guy is ALWAYS the most difficult girl to break from......
HOWEVER..... IF she is a lying, cheating b**ch, then that makes it a little easier to pull the trigger and dump her lying, cheating a$$.
So, get about it.... dump her.... and get on with your life. There really ARE nicer girls out there....
Good luck....
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2013): let me tell you this. i spent two years in a relationship with my ex girlfriend who constantly lied and cheated, and i kept taking her back, and i'm still suffering the emotional consequences to this day. yes, we broke up about a year and a half ago and have managed to remain friends, but i've found that every HEALTHY relationship i've tried to have since then, i've managed to ruin because i just can't put my trust in another person the way i did before my ex. i'm always paranoid about being lied to, cheated on, etc. in fact, i expect it now. from everyone. even when they have given me no reason to think they would lie. consequences of investing so much time into a cheater. it's awful and it's unfair to the new people that come into my life that just want a chance. anyway, my suggestion is definitely to get away from this girl. start getting out and dating, which it sounds like you've already began doing. keep it up. it's a good way to keep yourself occupied and help move on. and i wouldn't meet up with your ex because you may give in and let her talk you into another chance with her. then this cycle will just begin again. you need to get away from her. maybe one day you two can legitimately be friends, like the way my ex and i eventually learned to become friends. but it took a while. last thing you need is to ruin your ability for healthy relationships in the future. good luck.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (3 January 2013):
Just like quitting smoking, cold turkey is the ONLY way to go here. Having Having her as a constant reminder of your heartbreak is not healthy. Nobody said breaking up with someone is easy, but you'll be okay if you just do it instead of delaying the full hurt.
You may even want to block her number so you don't have to wonder when she's going to call.
I also want to tell you that it's easy for someone like her to ruin your self esteem, but she's the one with the issues, not you.
Trust me, as someone who's been there, cold turkey works like a charm along with getting out and meeting new people.
Good luck.
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