A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:3rd date we've gotten allog great then we have sex twice and I pay for an expensive hotel .....our personalitys click and we both laugh and enjoy each others company ....she was attracted to me and she liked me all the way up to this point....The sex we had was pretty bad I mean terrible sex.....then I try and hold her and cuddle all night and she pulled away from me and one point during the night she was like baby your arm around me makes it hard for me to sleep......my heart dropped, to this point she has always told me she loves to cuddle all night and she wants to go to sleep in my arms.....umm no she wants to sleep and she wants me to stay on my side of the bed while she does it ...also note we kiss but after sex she kinda gave me a peck on the mouth and pulled away....I'm gonna guess a 4th date is a no? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 March 2011): How bad is bad and how terrible is terrible? I wouldn't worry about the cuddling thing because some nights I've found it hard if not impossible to actually sleep with someone. I'd ask her out again.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 March 2011): I wouldn't take the cuddling thing too seriously. I love falling alseep next to my boyfriend but we normally end up sleeping not so cuddled up because it is hard to sleep!I got a bit upset when my boyfriend pulled away once but then i realised there was nothing to worry about :)As for the fourth date, you can only ask; sounds like it has gone well so far!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 March 2011): First time encounters are naturally awkward and have the tendency to be...well, terrible, for both parties. I know women who are afraid of letting go either because they have yet to build the intimacy comfort with someone new or for fear they may be labeled badly if they appear too wild in bed (call me double standard, sometimes it is at work) For me personally it takes me a while to get to know my partner's body and even though sex gets a lot better with practice I kind of enjoy discovering what makes my partner tick. Usually I find it difficult to orgasm the first time I sleep with a new partner but as time goes by I find that it is worth hanging in there. I can also totally understand the after sex. I am also like that. I need my side of the bed for myself or I can't manage to fall asleep at all. Kills the romance a little bit but I guess some people can't help it. I wouldn't read that she is not into you just because of that. What I have shared is just my personal oservations but speaking to my friends i realize a lot of women are like this. So, if you like her ask her on another date and next time you have sex with her, whether you choose to wait a little bit in order to feel more comfortable or not make sure you take time to savour the experience and communicate effectively what turns the both of you on. Good luck. Hope this helps
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A
female
reader, YoungLove3 +, writes (4 March 2011):
I can tell your upset with this situation. I would say it wouldn't hurt to ask for the fourth date, but the only thing is if you get a "no" your gonna be more upset? :(it was really soon to have sex with her, after all you guys have only gone on 3 dates. get to know each other first, it could be a reason why it wasn't that great?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 March 2011): you're going too fast for her. period. Sounds like you had sex too quickly, she probably hadnt made up her mind yet on how she felt about you, but she had trouble speaking her mind as you had payed for a hotel etc. Give her some space and time. Ask her for a drink in a couple of weeks, have some fun, try to get to know her and don't go for sex straightaway again, unless she takes the initiative.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 March 2011): If you like spending time with her, ask her for a 4th date. It just sounds the sex was awkward and you're judging yourself rather harshly.
First time sex with a new partner is usually awkward particularly if you don't know them too well. Perhaps the 3rd date was too soon.
As for the cuddling thing, I wouldn't take her so literally about wanting to "cuddle all night". Perhaps she said that because it's something she missed doing with an old boyfriend...I wouldn't take it as a personal rejection of you or your skills. She can't really know you yet, and cuddling is a very intimate thing...maybe more so than sex.
I think you can ask for a 4th date, keep it low key, don't initiate sex, and perhaps ask her what she thought about it.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (4 March 2011):
 Ask her for the 4th date if you want to meet her again. The sex part can usually be worked on, but perhaps you just didn't click.If you're already this hurt by her though, are you sure you want a 4th date even if she'd ask you to meet up again? Perhaps you could have more dates before getting intimate as you need to get to know her better before you open up to getting hurt like this.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 March 2011): Sorry man, but I think the 4th date won't happen. I had really unpleasant sex a while back, and sorry to say, but I jut couldn't wait to get out of his bed! It was uncomfortable, and awkward and it really made it hard for me too try anything further. I can't say a fourth date won't happen, cause maybe the third time will be the charm. My advice, is too talk to her, and see what she says. If you were to have sex again, maybe try talking to eachother and finding out what each other likes before trying. It may be that you two have different pleasures. Good luck :)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 March 2011): Yeah sorry. She probably felt awkward and felt no connection after sex. I wouldn't chase after her and if she wants more she will come to you.
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