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female
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anonymous
writes: I've been in a relationship with this boy for just over two months. He's 4 years older than me and the biggest problem is that he lives in Spain. I know it seems stupid but I never felt like this about anyone before. It's really hurting my parents and I can't stand to see it break up my family. I'm only 15 nearly 16 so.... I'm going over to visit him and I don't know if I should finish it with him. I love him but will it be worth it in the long run? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, caffeinequeen +, writes (4 November 2005):
Hi,
Long distance internet connections have this immediacy, this magic that allows us to forget about the distances and concentrate our feelings in a few words.They can be very damaging, because all you know of the person, is what they want you to believe.You don't say if you have met the guy.If you have, it's a different story,you are basing your love on a tangible person, but if you haven't, you are putting a lot at risk,not the least your safety and your emotional well being, by going somewhere to meet a total stranger. If he is really that into you, and because he is older, he should be the one to come see you, not the opposite. I don't think any adult man would want a minor to travel alone and see them, it's not a reasonable expectation. For all you know, he could be a weirdo, a rapist, and once you will be in his country, you will be at his mercy.There is good reason for your parents to worry.It's about your personal safety.Please take good care of yourself,have respect for your safety and stay home.Not because your parents told you so, but because you understand that your life is more important than a fantasy.
A
female
reader, not again +, writes (3 November 2005):
have you ever met this guy or is this an internet thing?
if you havent met him then it is not a relationship it is a fantasy.
if you have met him then I respect your feelings for him but you are too young to fly to spain for someonE!! good luck.
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 November 2005): You are not going to like my answer, dear but I'm going to tell you anyways. Your parents need to tell you a flat out, 'NO' to this Spain trip. Instead they are retreating into hurt and confusion and not setting strict boundries with you. As a Mother myself of 3 grown children, I would never, ever permit my 15 year old daughter to fly to Spain unsupervised, to visit some guy, who is much too old for you, in the first place. This definitely goes against my moral beliefs, safety and better judgment. A mature 20 year old man with his head screwed on straight and his heart in the right place will back away immediately from a relationship with a 15 year old girl. He will put her best interests first, which would be to allow her to mature without the heavy burdens, a relationship with him would require. This is inappropriate and in some places could lead to time in prison for him. You should back away too. I think you are swimming out of your depth. Your parents really need to give you some very clear, tough limits. I think you need to follow their wishes. They have your future in mind and I can assure you that if you are fiddling around with your 20 year Spanish boyfriend some where across the continent, unsupervised...you could do something you might regret. You should be focusing on school, and building your personality and character at this time, not playing house with someone in Spain, that you've known for ONLY 2 months. I fear for your saftey, hun. Stay home, respect your parents and keep your future bright. Prove to yourself and your parents, that your true mark of maturity is the ability to accept limits...take care and please rethink this.
Hugs,
Irish
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A
female
reader, cortneysg +, writes (3 November 2005):
Honey...they always say follow your heart but at your age im not sure that your heart is developed enough to make that decision. i am sure that your parents do want you to be happy. i am a parent myself and i know that is what we all want for our children. i think that you should be friends BEFORE you can become anything else. please take care and remember that your family loves you and maybe there is a way to have both.
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