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female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: Hi guys! ai am going through a rough phase. I will turn 40 next November and I feel my life is over. Despite having a wonderful husband, a great job, a nice home... I feel old and useless and worry about dying alone since ai have no children and no family besides my hubby- my parents both died a few years back and I am an only child. Please, I would love for some child free women on here to comfort me and tell me they live great lives and don't feel useless ar pariahs. I am sorry, I am going through such a hard time right now. Thanks to anyone we will help me. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 April 2020): Never let age or Societies expectations define who you are.You can shape your life however you wish, you can visualize your dreams and then make them happen. You can be an earth mother, you can take care of children who have no love in their lives, you can adopt, you can be a school teacher that goes that extra mile, you know the special teacher we never forget as we grow into adults. I think you may be feeling a little more isolated at the moment with our slowdowns, we are all feeling somethingand we are all faced with our own mortality at the moment.Please try not to think too much about dying and been alone, you are living and not alone and for this, you must be grateful especially now. Try to use this time (that no longer appears to exist) to build the fulfilling future you want.I know you have a great job ( you say) but is it fulfilling enough? do you need to rethink your career?Do you want to train as a nursery nurse, many ways to enter this profession and as we all know, such a shortage of nurses. You could start training distant (online), you could go to university, or better still train hands-on when things settle down. Do you hold any personal faith that can guide you through these dark days? Please stay strong and know you are not alone, you have every resource within your spirit to come through the dark days and feel renewed and refreshed ready to rebuild.I don't have children of my own, that was God's will, so I am at peace with that, I do have older stepchildren and adore all children and I am a teacher with special needs children dance and art therapy. I agree with anon about Dance it is so beneficial especially for mental health and there are an abundance of remote dance classes online now. I also work as a nursing assistant which has been very fulfilling over the years, I have learned so much about life and death and the in-between space-living. I don't have much financially and own nothing and feel like a free spirit, I have a wonderful soul mate who I share lives adventures with and a good career as a teacher.This period is a transitional period some good some bad and into we don't know what yet, but we must all stand together united in hope and in faith.Please stay strong and have faith. :)
A
male
reader, BrownWolf  +, writes (25 March 2020):
 Hi Op,
Not a child free woman, but male.
You could try adoption, if children is a major concern.
In your state of mind, would you rather be battling major health issues? In and out of hospitals, and maybe hubby looking for a divorce to add to your troubles? My point is...things could always be worst. There are people in wheelchairs, and suffering major health issues, who would gladly trade places with you.
I would rather die alone but happy, than to have kids, Large family, loving husband, good health, but die miserable and unhappy.
Your problems is just one crusty miserable tree in a beautiful forest, and you are spending all your time staring at it. You are so focus on that miserable tree, that you have not moved your head, to look around and see all the beautiful things in the forest of life.
Volunteer at children's special needs organizations. Do babysitting for friends who have small kids. Do things to help others, to warm other people's hearts. It will warm yours too. Do not wait for a time when you have to say...I should have....done this or that. Start now and just do what makes you happy.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2020): HiI don't have children (never wanted any) and I'm approaching 60. I too will probably die alone (I have two older sisters and no other family, we are all single and childless), but I certainly don't dwell on it. I feel twenty and I think I'm very lucky to have the life I have. I'm single, have my own business and I rent a pretty very old cottage by a river in England. I've just branched out into another business and I'm also writing a book. I'm very busy and most certainly don't feel useless! I love dancing and when I can, I dance modern jive and West Coast Swing. Lifts your spirits like nothing else! I adore colour and so I knit and sew, I wish I had ten lifetimes to educate myself about everything I want to learn. History is amazing, wonderful classic authors are brilliant to read, I want to learn everything!Some people's autobiographies are inspiring to me, how they've lived life and what they've done. There's so much to see and do! Why do you feel useless? This is your life. Look to yourself to find out what it is about this life that you love. That makes you happy or excited that maybe you've forgotten about. What were/are your dreams? I wish I was still your age. Try walking every day if you don't already. It's a wonderful counter to depression and depressive thoughts. It gets you out of yourself and presses a 're-set' button. Leave your phone at home! I don't have a phone and if I did I wouldn't take it with me while I was connecting with life. People have so much junk sent into their brains every day from their phones.Read inspirational stories about amazing people. Help others. There is SO much happiness for yourself if you help others. It lifts you in a way that is difficult to describe. It's wonderful. Look outside yourself. An amazing woman once said, 'There is no problem so big, that you cant walk away from it'. Meaning that walking solves a lot of personal issues. Try it. It's a powerful way to reconnect with the world. Try therapy to maybe get you in the mind frame to be able to execute what I've suggested. We have to make life work for ourselves, no-one else is going to do it for you. Meditation is also incredibly powerful to change negative thought patterns.I suspect you will be advised to seek medical help and I'm not an expert and I don't know how badly depressed you are, but walking has been shown to be as effective as medication which has some side effects as I'm sure you know. Get your boots on and go for a (socially distanced) walk. You'll be amazed!
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