A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:The thing what is troubling me is my best friend got abused as a child by his father and his mother was also very strict locking him in rooms and such although they spoilt him moneywise and he was treated well but strict by his Mum he blocks his pain by being really tough and harsh verbally.He is gay and he hasn’t come out to his parents which I don’t blame him for as he will lose all the material things that are so important to him. He’s very close to his mother in fact he see’s her domineering and controlling mannor as her being an amazing fabulous woman (his icon growing up was crueller de ville) but yet despite this cant tell her his sexuality as he knows she wouldn’t apove as she had told him this as a child. He has great anger and contempt for his father to this day obviously he shows no emotion towards anything (or he doesn’t admit it) is has really damaged him and yet I still cant help but shower him with friendly love that’s in my heart, The reason we became friends is because when I was going though an awful time where I was abused on one occasion he showered me with love care and friendship and this is something I will never forget.Sometimes he really knocks me down and elevates himself so much to the point it really hurts me and all the friendship care and love doesn’t feel reciprocated and it breaks my heart. during a conversation as I’m the opposite as I’m a very positive person who’s very in touch with my feelings I’m one of the people in his life he loves a lot along with his mum sister and other best friend which is a huge thing as he isn’t wanting a “Loving relationship” with any man! His boyfriends great and I get on with him really well but he’s even talking of dumping him over nothing except he cant deal with any sort of human emotion, we’ve talked of this many times and I simply say “well contrast is good I except your point of view its good to be different” and that doesn’t get a good response but gets brushed under the carpet only to come out and hurt me at the time I most need a friend.The problem is where going on holiday together what can I do to help him help himself and stop him hurting my feelings?
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female
reader, little_miss_liz  +, writes (5 August 2009):
Have you tried talking to him about it? Saying something like "listen, i know youve been hurt, and dont want it to happen again, but it really hurts when you put me down like you do"? If you have, and it hasnt worked, then try to slowly, as slowly as possible, distance yourself from him, to make it less painful for the both of you.
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