A
female
age
30-35,
*iss sunshine
writes:Hello,I am facing a problem in my love life and i need some advice. I thank you in advance for reading this and for answering. I feel so lost right now. Im 21 years old and i've been in a relationship for 2 and half years with this guy, lets call him Jack. We lived together for more than a year and a half and we loved each other very much. . We are both students in France but both foreigns and from different countries so we werent just a couple, we were like a family for each other since ours isnt here. But during the last year of our relationship we had some problems. He started working 4 nights a week in a restaurant while i was working the weekends in a museum. During the day we were in the university, during the night he was working, i was alone in our appartement and the weekends the time i was finishing my job he was starting his. We had some money problems too. As time goes on he started going out with his colleges from the restaurant after their shift, i didnt say anything because i understand that he needed some time for himself, but this became very often. He ended up going out to bars and clubs with them 3 to 4 times a week, coming home at 3 or 4 o clock in the morning, drunk, and we never did anything together. His friends from work were weird guys and a bit alcoholic, they were nothing like him but did a bad influence and everytime i was sayig they are no good he called me snob. We had totally different social lives, i went out with my friends, him with his colleges. Here i would like to say that i was never the girl to go out all night long in clubs get drunk and go home at 5 in the morning. I like watching a movie with my girlfriends and open a bottle of wine, staying at home and just chat. I was always the first one to come home. I was always there, home clean, everything perfect and always waiting for him. He never proposed to me to go out with him and his friends while i was always inviting him with mine. I told him a lot of times that i dont like his job and this way of life he does and i was asking him to find something else but he never did. I was always proposing to do stuff together (not necesseraly go out but just not stay the 2 of us in front of the TV when he is home). I felt i was the only one trying for our relationship to work and i felt very neglected. He always said he understands and that he'll change but he never did. He was nice and loving when at home with me but once he got out the door it was different. Long story short after a lot of effort of my part i got tired. I went on a trip back to my country for one week with a friend and i saw an old "teen love" of mine. We went out and well you know, we slept together. While i was there "Jack", my boyfriend and i were fighting a lot because he was saying i go out too much and i was tryig to explain that i do the stuff i cant do with him! It really bothered me and on the other side this "old teen love", lets call him John, was so nice and perfect. I decided when i go back i'll break up with Jack so i can be with John. And so i did. Jack was devistated. He was begging me to give him another chance but my heart was already broken. During our relatonship i never touched another man but now i was already thinking of John. One month after that and while Jack was still hoping to get back together, i flew back to see John. Jack found out and in order to get back at me he slept with a girl he met at his stupid restaurant (yes i hate this place!) in our house and on our bed! I found out and it killed me. But i was sure of what i was doing. Its been 4 months since i broke up and since im with John but i miss Jack so much. We still fight form time to time for silly things, then we are fine, then again the same. And i did something really bad, i slept with Jack a couple of times since we broke up. Now i miss him like crazy. I cry at nights and i regret my decision. He changed a lot because with the break up he realised a lot of things. He's even looking for a new job and he doesn't go out with his colleges of work that are a really bad influence. I wish things would have never been this way. I want him back so much. Our appartement is empty without him. But i dont want to break John's heart. He is in love with me, he is really nice and caring and when im with him everything is perfect. But he is in another country and even if it is very close i can only see him once a month tops! My years in France are connected with Jack because he was the first one i met here. I have never been in a long relationship before and i have never been so in love and loved back as i did with Jack. And i miss him and still love him so so much. But i love John too. I don't know if it is possible, i think there are different ways of love. Well now i am in a long distance relationship with John, Jack doesn't know we are together and John doesn't know i see Jack from time to time. I dont want to break anyone's heart anymore, it's not like me and i feel so guilty for everything. If i had magic powers i would turn back time and make Jack see what he saw today so that we would never have had to break up, but since i can't do that i need you help. Thank you for reading!
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alcoholic, broke up, different countries, drunk, get back together, long distance, money, university Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2010): You are in a world of hurt.You first need to stop hurting yourself, and others, and figure out why you do what you do.Before you spend to much time thinking about this, look at this site and take this test, which applies to other drugs as well (just change the drug of choice in your mind as you take the test).http://www.lanarkleedsaa.org/pages/aboutaa/are_you_an_alcoholic.htmBe fair to yourself, you are in a dysfunctional relationship with Jack, and with John, and you need to break it off and regain control of your life, and be fair to others.Good luck, best advice with both guys from my angle and what you have said and how you have said it is to break away, tell both of them that you can't be faithful to them in the situation that you are in, and that you need to break off and regain control of your life before you get into another relationship with anyone (them or anyone else).Spend some time alone and work on yourself.
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