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male
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anonymous
writes: Hello everyone,I realy need some help at the moment. I am going through a particular hard time in my life i believe. High School. I have ginger hair, am fairly short, 16 years old etc etc.Basically, there are a couple of girls i really fancy, yet to me all of them seem really out of my league. I am often subject to jokes, which to me is not only a major reason why my confidence isn't as high as it should be, but reasons why many girls don't seem to want to go out with me. I get the feeling that many girls feel they don't want to be the one going out with a boy that is being picked on, and all that. It's not that i am not popular or anything, i have a million and a half friends, but wheneva hanging around with my mates, they make fun of me when girls come around... Which doesn't help me. I guess it makes them feel all cocky and like the alpha male..I want to be able to talk to girls, the ones i know now and for them to think i am actually a pretty nice guy. Basically my question is, how am i going to be able to change the way my current friends view me (short, ginger kid who's pretty insecure) to some guy who everybody is glad to know...Richard
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 May 2008): I was reading your question and thought I had just found my twin separated at birth. I just like you am small, ginger and sixteen, but granted all that I am a girl. lol
The dilema of your friends is that you either need to say a massive f- you to all your friends or think of some come backs for when they say hurtful things infront of girls, like well I may be ginger and small but at least I won't be resorted to paying for sex as your the ones with tha tiny brains and even smaller ones in your pants, if theyre saying stupid shit about your hair infront of girls they must be feeling really low about themselves as to put someone else down will noly make them feel better.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 July 2006): Thanks for your comments everyone. Especially bombshell i reallly appreciated that advice you gave me!
I have tried previously to laugh off the comments people make about me, when girls are around, but it always seems to come out that i am insecure and have nothing of a better come back to there insult.
I also woud like to think just as bombshell said that all my other friends are insecure with the ladies, but they are not. Most have very hot girlfriends! So why they continue to do so seems to be just out of spite, and possibly to impress their own girlfriend.
Again, i'd like to think that a lot of girls find ginger hair sexy and all, but the fact lies that most girls would not want to go out with me, for my social reputation.
I think my confidence is boosting also. I have being acting confident around everyone, and on MSN and stuff and well it works. People seem to appreciate me a little more. I hope if this continues all will get better!
Thanks again all!
Richard
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A
female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (13 July 2006):
 I find it interesting when letters from guys with ginger hair get posted here, they invariably say that they get taunted about it, but the women who respond always say they think it's very sexy.
I'm firmly in that camp. Ginger hair is gorgeous and I can't think why anyone would consider it a liability. And I'd hope that you'd consider the opinions of women - those with lifelong attractions to men generally - more important than the opinions of your mates.
So, now that we've established that your hair-colour is actually a distinction, can we consider the other variables?
High school is a seething cauldron, as you already know. It's full of bullying, challenging, self-centred kids with ego issues. It's groaning with the weight of cliques, factions and unspoken alliances. The occupants are awkward and floundering, covering up for that with insolence and by tormenting others.
Can you tell yet that my high school experience wasn't optimal, either?
You can safely ignore the comments and teasing by your friends. In fact, I'd go so far as to suggest that you stand up to it -- in a friendly yet firm way -- by turning the tables on them. If a mate were to make demeaning comments about your height or hair colour, you might wryly point out that you couldn't quite hear that, over the babble of that throng of girls hanging off him. Or not. If it's said in a tongue-in-cheek way, he can't really get mad about it.
Remember, these guys that you're hanging out with also have a lot of time to spend with you because they're not exactly hot property with the ladies either. Most of their torment of you (which is completely inexcusable, by the way) is simply misdirection away from their own insecurities. Keep that in mind, and the teasing almost becomes amusing.
But getting to you, personally: remember that this is a transitory phase of your life. You will get through it, and you won't miss it when it's gone. Age sixteen is a hideous time, and everyone knows it. You're not yet completely physically developed, and so all you can see is what you appear to lack. You don't have your full height yet, you aren't filled out as you will be in a couple of years. You might have dermatological problems. You may not yet have attained great coordination because of growth changes.
All these things are reasons to think that girls won't like you, or that they think you're inferior to others. But the truth of the matter is that the girls are just as imperfect right now.
Have you noticed how defective all the girls are yet? No? Probably because you don't see what they lack, only what they have. (I won't go there! ;-) ) But give girls the same benefit of the doubt with you. They may not see your characteristics in the same way that you do, in other words, as a fault.
So when you talk with girls, don't be too self-conscious. Cultivate friendships with them, so that they can get to know you as a whole person, and not as a schoolyard "type", as you describe yourself ("short, ginger kid...").
My other suggestion is to find friendships and hobbies outside of school and the people there. In some ways you have a bit of a reputation with your school group. They will, to a certain extent, consider you in the context in which they know you ("short, ginger kid") and it's hard to get them to think outside that box.
If you join another group that's not associated with school you start fresh, with people who don't already have some inbuilt perception of you. So think about the types of hobbies or clubs that might interest you, even peripherally -- something like a marching band, a beekeeping club, chess club, tennis club -- and look for one you can join. There are bound to be people there with interests similar to yours, and where there are people, there are girls and women.
None of those girls will have you pigeonholed already, so you can remake your image into one you like, as "some guy everyone wants to know". And when you've done it there, it will carry over into your school life, too.
Last thought: school isn't forever. Endure it until Year 12 and then your real life begins.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 July 2006): i agree with certain aspects of what Bombshell says..you can gain confidence by acting like you are..but dont go overboard or you may come across as overbearing showoff.
as for your friends,well are they really that good friends that they tease you when a nice girl goes past? sounds to me like they're jealous of you!
My firsf Boyfriend had ginger hair and to this day i still think of him as one of the sexiest fellas i've ever known!
Start thinking of your apperance as your asset,not your downfall.
love to you xx
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A
female
reader, Bombshell +, writes (13 July 2006):
 Hiya Richard!
The issue is within you. Have you ever heard the saying "Fake it 'til you make it"? This is what you need to do. As a young girl, I never felt like I was as good, smart or pretty as the other girls. My self-esteem was extremely low. At 15 I decided that I needed to ACT as though I had self-confidence. The longer I acted as though I did, the more confidence I had because people treated me differently.
Give yourself some credit for being the great guy with lots of friends. The kind of guy that people want to be around. Here's what you can do...
First, imagine that you've landed a part in a movie. Your character is that of an amazingly handsome, smart, funny, and popular guy. Once you know the characteristics of this guy, you'll know exactly what to do to make him come to life. Play that part as though your entire life depends on it. I don't mean that you should be pretentious, but that you expand your personality. Pull those qualities up from your core being, then play it with all you've got.
Eventually it will become a part of who you are. You will become that person. You but only better. This is what I did and it worked wonders. I have men dropping at my feet, so give it a try and see how it goes for you. Remember, thoughts become things. Think and it shall be.
By the way, ginger hair is very sexy.
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