A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I really need some advice, I've never been a violent person. But recently i've started getting violent toward my boyfriend. Not really violent, but it's bad anyway.It scares me so I don't know what it's doing to himHe tends to make me feel as though everything is my fault even when it's his. And he doesn't listen to me. He raises his voice to make sure he's heard over me, but completely ignores me when i'm trying to put my feelings across. The last couple of times we have argued, i've been violent towards him, Ive hit him once and more recently strangled him. It seems the only way to get him to listen to me.I love this guy more than life itself. And we do get along very well most of the time.. I need help sorting this. I want to stop.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 August 2010): Are you on the pill? Just changed your pill? That can make women a bit crazy!
A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (25 August 2010):
 Sounds like a toxic relationship to me. And oddly enough you put all the blame on yourself and don't ask, is he causing this behavior in you with his own?
Are your outburst of violence a sign that this relationships just ain't working, isn't healthy?
"I love this guy more than life itself." A standard cop out. Just a slight rewording of "but I love XXX so much". So? Alcoholics love alcohol. I love chocolate. You love him. Though luck, it is bad for us so we got to cut it out of our lives.
Your resorting to violence because you two are unable to communicate, and if you can't talk to each other, then there is no relationship. Either you two learn to listen to each other without resorting to childish arguing (which I doubt either of you can do) or you go apart. Neither of you are currently listening to the other. He by not listening, you by resorting to violence.
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A
female
reader, person12345  +, writes (25 August 2010):
 Next time there's going to be an argument, put it on ice and walk away. When you're both more level and rational, talk about it then.
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A
female
reader, Alittlebroken +, writes (25 August 2010):
 Please see a counsellor or a therapist. Your anger may have built up over a number of years for a different reason, and now you are taking it out on your boyfriend. I had a similar problem where I was getting angry about everything and wanted to hit people. Seeing someone will help; there is plenty of people out there who want to listen to you and help.
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