A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I began dating exclusively from the day we met.He calls frequently and tells me he can't live without me and if anything is a bit over-possesive.He always makes comments that imply that I'm ready to have an affair with the very next man that appears on my doorstep even if he's gay/a friend/my boss.If I tell him I'm going to an after hours work function he kind of jokingly asks if there will be men there.It is getting a bit much and I'm getting tired of defending myself. I don't do anything to give him these ideas, I am not secretive, my phone lies around in full view and I have nothing to hide.Why does he keep doing this?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2012): if there really is nothing at all that you've done to trigger this then yes really you need to end the relationship as its not going to be healthy for either of you. As long as you dont feel as though he'd be violent towards you sit him down and ask him why he thinks what he does. I've worked with domestic violence victims and abusers for the past 5 years and yes this kind of controlling behaviour is PART of domestic violence. However I have to say if there is something that you've done thats triggered this off then ignore that advice and you'll need to talk about it together to try and work through it.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (20 February 2012):
 this is about HIS insecurity. And it will only get worse.
The big red flag to be honest (and I know this from prior experience) was the very quick jump to exclusive relationship... it's actually a bad sign... you two didn't really know each other all that well yet...
This is NOT personal... it's not about anything YOU did and therefore YOU can't fix this...
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A
female
reader, delightful84 +, writes (20 February 2012):
I think the likeliest thing is that he himself is not trustworthy.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2012): I had an ex that did this and was constantly looking for things. A few years on, it became very clear she was not to be trusted. You can be so preoccupied with defending and reassuring, that you miss everything what is REALLY going on.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2012): you gave him no reason to be so suspicious? well i hope i'm not barking up the wrong tree, but instead of constantly defending yourself, just take a closer look at what he does and find out if he's cheated on any of his ex's.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2012): "It is getting a bit much and I'm getting tired of defending myself . . ."
"Why does he keep doing this?"
He wants to control you by constantly putting you on the defensive and eroding your self-esteem.
Dump him now. He's bad news. He'll never change and you'll be defending yourself from now until doomsday if you stay with him, and his suspicious controlling behavior will only escalate.
If you want more qualified confirmation, call a domestic violence hotline, they'll give you all the info you need as well as provide the tools you need to get away from him safely and for good. Don't try to leave him on your own, he won't let you.
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A
male
reader, bronzed adonis +, writes (20 February 2012):
 He has either got a giant inferiority complex or he is projecting his own personality on to you, and you should watch him. Don`t take it lightly either. If something has triggered his lack of trust what is not mentioned, then ignore this answer.
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