A
female
age
30-35,
*ysterium
writes:HeySo I have this childhood friend, 'X'. We drifted apart in the middle because he went to a boarding school. When he visited once in the middle, I was an ugly duckling and he was kind of cute. I fell for him. And bad. Anyway, we kept in touch then on and I've grown up to be, well, good-looking lol. Once I told him that I had a crush on him long ago and the same night he was sloshed and drunk dialed me. He kept trying to flirt with me but I dint reciprocate coz I dint like him then...(Now I regret it)Now I'm moving to a different country for further studies and he initiated the plan to come and visit me. And he's quite serious about pursuing it. But do friends really bear the cost of travelling overseas when they're only interning and not earning too much? I'm confused. I can't stop thinking about the time when he will be here. I'm getting such mixed signals. He flirts with me(at least I think he does) and the next minute he's normal. And for some odd reason he's mean to me...in a funny way I guess...but its a little irritating. I don't want to get the wrong impression and make his visit a disaster. Since we're so far away for so long, I think I've started liking him. But. I don't know. I could be wrong.And what about him? Does he like me? Or what!because every time some guy hits on me, I think about X. I don't want to lose the opportunity of being with him even though I don't know if it'll work out.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Spencerwellman +, writes (5 December 2012):
Spencer Wellman
27 November 2012
Truth about Yourself
Just remember good things take time. I’ve had many friends that have rushed getting into a relationship, and have regretted it immensely. First off let me say that I’m sorry that you feel as if you don’t know what to do with this guy. It seems as if you don’t know whether to give it try with this guy or just to keep it friendly, and that is a very tough spot to be in. I have a lot more experience than most people when it comes to helping people who need advice. If you find out what you truly want by finding what’s most important I think you will be happier than you have ever been. Make sure though that your actions don’t get taken the wrong way by him.
Most guys fall for girls for reason, because they think that the girl likes them as well. Giving the wrong message to a guy is not a good idea because from previous experience myself guys fall for girls really easily. According to Dr. Jay Dixit, “Love is the most profound emotion known to human beings”(Dixit 2010). If that were true why would you want a guy to feel that way about you when you don’t feel that way at all about him? That’s why I think; “calling him after every time something good happens” is not a good idea if you know what I mean. Human emotions are really powerful, and you very easy to mess with especially if you don’t know how this guy feels about you. But maybe you actually do like him, and cannot come to terms with it.
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So we know how this guy feels about you, but do you feel the same way about him is the million-dollar question? If you take a deep look into yourself and see what is a priority to you I think you will find you are a little afraid to fall in love. As Dr. Jackson Brown says, “Sometimes the heart sees what is invisible to the eye”(Brown 2011). Open your heart and see what’s important to you. Admitting something about yourself is the hardest thing a human can do. When I was in rehab the biggest problem people had was admitting that they had a problem, admitting that something was bigger than them. Talking about it always helped put things into perspective for me. When you say that you “can’t wait to talk to him at the end of a long day.” That right there is an uncontrollable human emotion. The way you say that makes me think you have feelings for him. Feelings most of the time lead to action.
Action always speaks louder than words as many people say. I think for you to truly figure out whether you like this guy or not, I think you should spend more time with him in person. Contact, “over the phone and texting” doesn’t show emotion at all. Until you spend time with someone you truly don’t know who that person is. I want you to take this action because this guy just based on how he talks to you really likes you, and wants to get to know you better. If you gave it a shot with this guy and end up liking him a lot, that decision could determine if you will be happy in life or not. Mother Teresa once said, “Love begins at home, and it is not how much we do... but how much we put in that action.” Just do a little bit of action and see how far it gets you. You don’t have anything to loose, but so much to gain.
I always thought that if your afraid to try something new look at what you have to
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loose, and also look at how much you can gain. I think you should give this guy a shot
because if you do give it a shot and it doesn’t work then you will never see this guy again. I think a failure to act is a big mistake because when it comes to love there’s no mistake in that. As my favorite writer Steve Hartman says, “You have to take advantage of it when it comes.”
A
male
reader, CJH  +, writes (2 November 2012):
 One of the most important things I've learnt in life is that we are here for such a short space of time that we need to make the most of it.
There's no way on earth we can to tell how this guy feels about you BUT he can....
Why don't you spell it out to him, like you have with us?
Tell him you think you'd like to give it a go with him and then see what his reactions is?
What's the worst that can happen? He can say no? Maybe he will, maybe he won't but either way you'll know then. You won't be sat there wondering "what if".
I know of course that it's easy for me to say this and hard for you to do it but sometimes, it's better to overcome things like this rather than let let drag on.
Imagine how you'll feel if you don't express your feelings and he ends up dating someone else?
For all you know, he could be agonizing over you exactly as you are agonizing over him.
Two choices then, either live with how you feel and risk missing out on what could be the relationship of your life OR be brave and be honest with him. I know what I'd do in your shoes - tell him.
Good luck with this and please, if you muster up the courage, come back and tell us how it went?
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