A
female
age
30-35,
*ecca_123
writes:Hi, so iv been with my boyfriend now for two years and i am starting to feel very jealous and controlling over him i don't like him going out with his friends recently he said he was going to a gig with a girl friend of his and that i wasnt allowed to go as he wanted to spend time with her so we split up over it.Is it wrong that I finished with him over this? We have also been arguing a lot over my behavior he keeps saying that he can't deal with me being controlling and he feel as though im being very abusive towards him, i feel as though sometimes hes made me feel jealous by talking to other girls on purpose by texting them when he knows i dont like it he was texting one girl and didnt tell me for weeks until i seen his phone bill and they were sending up too 40 texts a day to her and i felt very hurt he didnt tell me so now i check his phone in case he is lying to me again. We are trying to work things out and he wants to me to get some help i dont no what to do because i dont want to have to watch everything i say now to him and be frightened to speak my mind in case he leaves me again what should i do?
View related questions:
jealous, split up, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2012): Don't let him make you feel your wrong, you're not. He doesn't think enough of you or the relationship to take you along when he's out with another woman. Let him text all he wants, he isn't worth your time. Find someone who puts you first.
A
female
reader, amandanash  +, writes (2 November 2012):
My boyfriend has TONS of girl friends that he talks to all the time. As in, texts constantly daily, and sees probably once a week. There was a point where it really upset me, and I told him, especially over this one specific girl. He said that he couldn't really help how I was feeling because him and this girl are good friends. But I do trust him enough to know that he's not going to go off and sleep with her. At the end of the day, it's me that's with him, and I'm the one he says goodnight to every night, and I'm the one that gets to sleep in his bed, not these other girls.Don't be afraid to speak your mind to him. Yes, you are being controlling over him. I understand the jealously and anger though, I do through it sometimes too. But how would you feel if he controlled you in the same way? Not being able to talk to guy friends, or not being able to go out with guy friends?If you try and talk to it to him again, bring it up in a very civil and neutral way. Don't try and blame him for things, or make it his fault. Tell him how you feel, and that it's your own jealous feelings, and if it's something you want to work on, tell him that too!
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2012): I totally agree with Kenny. This guy would drive any woman insane. Its very controlling behaviour on HIS part. You trust your instincts because they are right. If you stayed with him he would continue to act like a single man and you would lose all your confidence and ability to know right from wrong. Well done for having the strength to leave and do the right thing! There is better out there for you.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2012): I'd say you are being a bit controlling, but I think it's more that you don't trust him for some reason. The truth is, many guys enjoy spending time with their friends (male or female) away from their girlfriend at times. It's hanging out. It's being able to leave one social circle to exist in another for a little while. That doesn't mean he's cheating. Many guys are like that. I, personally have always wanted my girlfriend (fiancée now) to go with me everywhere, and I've turned down hanging out with plenty of friends if she couldn't go too (movies, etc).The fact that you broke up with him over that shows a lot of immaturity. The fact that you checked his phone bill shows a complete lack of trust and respect for privacy. And the fact that you have told him that you don't like him texting/calling other girls is controlling. I used to do the majority of my communication through texting when I was in high school still, and I could easily send 30 or more to one person in a single day. You're not bad or anything, but you do need to learn to get your feelings out without being demanding. And if nothing changes, maybe you two aren't compatible.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2012): I agree,You need to leave this man. Love is not about playing games. You are valuable and he seems to not respect or care for your feelings. Leave him and move on.
...............................
A
male
reader, kenny +, writes (2 November 2012):
 Ultimately one of the key factors that bind a relationship together is trust, if there is no trust there then a relationship is doomed to fail.
I know you say that you are becoming jealous and controlling over him, but to be honest he is giving you every reason to act like this. He was going to a gig with a girlfriend and you was not allowed to go because he wanted to spend time with her. Is it wrong that you split up over this? Hell no, i can't imagine many women staying with there partners if they did something like this.
Then he is constantly talking to and texting other girls right under your nose, i mean are the alarm bells not ringing for you here?. He is never going to change, i don't think you are ever going to be able to trust him. Your always going to have reason to suspect him, so my advice here would be don't bother to try to work things out with him, leave him and find someone who give you the love and respect that you deserve.
Good luck
...............................
|
