A
male
age
41-50,
*monty78
writes:'m 31, a single father (never married) and a business professional in my community. I have a 4 yr old little girl that is so well behaved. I am very blessed, and grateful. For almost 5 months I have been dating a 27 year old woman that I think the world of. I seem to always end up with the girls that are divorced a time or two, or have a car full of kids, no job, etc. Unlike them, this girl has never been married, has been a manager for her company for 8 yrs, has a 4 yr degree, morals, etc.I like nearly everything about this girl (when she acts normal), and she has a lot of qualities everyone else seems to be lacking, but here is the problem, which she openly admits to...She has a hard time discussing and showing her emotions. I feel like I have to ''dig'' to get her to open up to me and tell me how she feels. The fact that I have to pry to get her to open up to me seems to be a part time job aside from my career. It almost seems to me that she opened up more to me when we first started dating than she does now...and that wasn't much. I quit trying to have serious conversations with her because I'm to the point where I automatically assume she's not going to open up to me if I try. She never discusses her feelings with me. When its obvious she is thinking about something and I ask her what it is, she tells me ''nothing''. I don't know what to do anymore. I feel like I am in a one sided relationship. I always compliment her, and try to do nice things for her, to let her see that I'm not like other guys as I'm assuming she has maybe been hurt in the past, and nothing seems to work. I would give this girl the world if I could.Its one of those things where, when shes hot, shes hot, and when shes cold, shes cold. There is never an in between. I was to the point where I was beginning to wonder if she even cared at all until one night we went out for drinks and a girl I've never met came up to me and was laying it on real thick, and then my girlfriend stood there holding her pool cue, glaring at the girl like she was going to come unglued on her. I will spend a couple days with her and hear from her a lot throughout the day or days and then several days go by where I hardly hear from her and shes real short with me. I just don't get it. I will also mention that since we first started seeing each other I have been staying the night at her place once or twice a week, yet she has been to my house only a handful of times and never stayed the night. She invites me (and expects me) to come to her family functions, yet never comes to mine.She has only initiated a kiss with me 2 or 3 times, the other times I have. And we have never ''made out'' or had sex, which I find odd at this day and age. I'm not necessarily saying I have to have sex with her, but it would be nice to have some kind of physical contact....I feel like I am in junior high again! I'm sure of it that she likes me and cares for me, otherwise I wouldn't still be with her. I just don't understand all the ''wishy washy'' I am going through...particularly her not opening up to me at all, being hot and cold, and not being physical with me.Any thoughts or suggestions would be great. And talking to her about serious relationship stuff....well...I have better luck trying to get my dog to try and talk to me!Sorry this is so long winded....I just like to make sure I'm thorough!
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 January 2010): I just came from the exact same situation for the most part. And after 3 years, it really never changed, no matter what I did - I've never seen anything like it and I've dated more girls than I can remember. I took the whole 'just be there and be supportive approach for the first year, then one night she just stripped in my jeep. But even after being intimate for several months, every day was always hot and cold. It never changed and she never talked 'to me', it was always 'at me'. She loved talking about herself, could go on for hours, but never anything really personal. I'd send her flirtatious txt messages, no response. I'd ask her to dinner, response was always 'maybe', but then she would txt me in a day or so to have dinner that night. No way to really plan anything. I tried to keep it always friendly, always complimenting her, but honestly at age 27, which is what she was as well, there just wasn't any progress. Finally I had to come to the realization that no matter what I could do, no matter how friendly and supportive I can be, this is who she is and doubtful it will ever change. A friend of mine finally said that I need to draw the line in the sand, after all, it's one thing to be like that for 3 weeks, but 3 years, it's just not going to change. So I called her and told her that I just couldn't stay in the closet any longer and that I was madly in love with her and totally adored her, but I just couldn't keep my passion for her quarantined any longer. Sadly it's been 2 months since I said that and I have never heard back from her. After researching tons of relationship issue blogs and books, the best advice I have read is the simple question of "Why should you hold out for crumbs from someone similar to a dog waiting on the doormat for crumbs of attention?" It's a painful question to have to ask, and even more painful knowing how it must be answered, but after reading the almost identical situation you have, my final answer was - if you are truly in love with her, you can't just be friends, it's too painful. And if there isn't solid communication on both parts, the pain never get's resolved. I wish you all the best for yourself, however it works out.
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