A
male
age
41-50,
*hill25
writes:My girlfriend and I broke up after 5 years together. We lived together for 2 of the last years. I moved out to california and she was all excited to come out too (we were both gonna college there) Then out of nowhere, she dumps me "cause she needed a change in her life". So im out in Cali by myself not knowing what to think. A few weeks before the break up though we would argue about when she was coming out and such. I asked her if she wanted to beak up with me...she said no and started to cry a little. Long story short...i flew back to see what was up...she wasnt too nice to me and said that "Im not understanding, its not like i dont want to ever see u again..I just need a beak". I asked her if she loved me anymore and she said she used to but not anymore as a tear rolled down her cheek.So i flew back and lived my life and we didnt talk to each other for almost 7 months. She found out that I was coming back in town through family and i was told that she says "Hi". I spent a week in her home town and didnt go see her even though she knew and I knew we both were there. A couple of other months passed and out of nowhere my friend tells me she ran into her and said. "Oh have him call me, blah blah blah. She even told my friend. "So I hear he's got a girlfriend in Cali??" which isnt true and there no way anyone would tell her that. She calls my freind up asking her for my cell phone number. I eventually called her after 4 days of her wanting to talk to me. We talked a it was nice to hear her voice. We didnt fight...it was pleasent. She mentioned wanting to see me and possibly wanting to hang out when I came up again. A week passed and she called me again saying that she got rid of our cat we had. I told her that i would take him previously...thats how we made contact. I told her i was coming up this weekend to get him. She told me that she wouldnt be around. She is going camping with her boyfriend??? wtf?? She asked me when i was leaving for cali again though? I told her 3 weeks. I went up for the weekend and didnt contact her (is she trying to get me to??) now i havent heard anything since and that was 2 weeks agoDoes she still care? what is her deal with the mixed signals?? We were both crazy in love and she even sent me cards and stuff when i was out in cali. we talked all the time. I still love her but i dont know what she is thinking
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (24 September 2007):
 P.S.: Last time I checked there were plenty of gorgeous girls in California. Maybe you can get lucky and find some of them who will love you?
A
male
reader, Danielepew +, writes (24 September 2007):
No woman ever dumps you out of the blue, or nowhere. What happens is that we males fail to perceive the signals. And, we fail at this because the signals are always given as hints, the more encrypted the better.
I don't think any of us males is ever going to understand, in full detail, the words of any woman. They speak in a different manner which you and I can't really understand. But, it is always possible to check a woman's actions, and then understand what she really means.
This girl dumped you. Since you never dump someone you really love, this means that she doesn't have feelings for you. Her speech may be mixed, chopped, blended, grated, or whatever, but her actions are straightforward: she doesn't love you, and this is why she dumped you.
As to needing a change in her life, that was absolutely true and straightforward. The change she needed in her life was dumping you, and she got her change.
You say that there is no way anyone could have told your ex about your nonexistent girlfriend in California. You say it doesn't make sense that your ex said that. Well, it does make sense: she wanted to know whether you had someone, and she didn't want to say that so clearly, so she asked in an indirect manner.
Some times people, men and women alike, are "territorial" in the sense that they don't want you to have someone else even if they dumped you. I have never heard a good explanation of why it happens, but it happens. This is what your ex is feeling. She hates the idea that you may be enjoying yourself somewhere else, with someone else. So, she keeps you on a leash. You will be the only one to blame if she keeps doing this to you. She dumped you, in a very unpleasant manner, and is playing mind games with you. Well, since she dumped you, there's no reason why she should contact you, or why you should contact her. Didn't she want to dump you? So? There is no reason why you should get the cat, or visit her, or ask her about anything. She doesn't have a reason to ask your friends about you. Your friends don't have to give her any information about you. She's the past, and that's where she belongs.
Go have fun, man, and don't worry about what passes through her mind. It's useless anyways, isn't it?
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