A
female
age
41-50,
*elen2007
writes:me and my fiance are getting married next week but i have slept with his best friend, what do i do, ruin there friendship and my wedding or stay quiet
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 September 2007): I suppose it all depends upon when you slept with his mate.
If it was before you got engaged then I don't see any reason to tell him.
If it was after, it might be an idea to have a confession session before you get married, when you can both get everything out in the open that would potentially have any impact or relevance, so that you start the marriage with a clean slate.
It's a lot less expensive to get married than it is to get divorced, emotinally as well, so if you think he would want to divorce you after being lied to, cheated on or misled it might be best not to get married in the first place. Mind you, he might have the odd skeleton in the cupboard too, so you'd need to prepare yourself for that eventuality.
Phil
A
female
reader, brooke5426 +, writes (30 September 2007):
 i think you should tell him. chances are he will find out one day and look at it from his perspective. imagine it was the other way around and you found out he had slept with your best friend, then both of them had let you stand in church and marry him.
he will be devastated, mortified and furious - but it is the right thing to do. he has the right to know about this before he gets married. he may not want to marry you after finding this out, but thats his decision and he has the right to choose who he marries.
just tell him you have something very important you need to tell him because you want to do the right thing and you dont want to start your marriage with lies and deceit, explain to him you love him and tell him what has happened.
i cant say he will stay with you - i think he will probably at least postpone the wedding but if you love this man you cant marry him without him knowing the truth. its almost like tricking him into getting married and you obviously want to do the right thing or you would not have written in here.
i think postponing the wedding would be the best idea for both of you, you need to think about why you slept with his best friend. maybe you're not ready to get married? maybe you're feelings for your fiance arent as strong as they should be for you to make such a big committment to him?
just tell him the truth and see what happens. and remember everything happens the way its meant to and it all happens for a reason.
good luck and let us know how you get on
brooke
xx
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A
male
reader, kenny +, writes (30 September 2007):
 relationships and marriages are built on trust, if you have not got the trust its like building a house without digging the foundations, it will eventually fall. If you don't tell him you are entering a marriage sitting on a really hurful lie which you have got to live with for ever. I don't know maybe you can live with it, but if it were me it would eat me up. My advice would be to tell him the truth and let the chips fall where they may. If he does forgive you, you will feel so much better walking down the aisle with a clear concience knowing that your conscience is crystal clear. But thats just what i would do, im sure you are going to get told not to tell him and keep it to yourself, but its whether you are strong enough to cope with that much deceipt for the rest of your marriage.
Hope this helps & good luck x
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 September 2007): There must be problems between you and your fiance otherwise you wouldn't have slept with his mate. Be honest and tell him before the wedding. The guilt will kill you otherwise. Once it's all out in the open it'll feel like a weight has lifted off your shoulders and you can both decide as a couple where your relationship is heading next. Whether he can forgive you or not i don't know but after you tell him it's up to him at the end of the day plus whether the wedding will go on or not. As for his mate he can't be a good mate if he got involved with his mate's fiancee and knows how much it'll hurt your fiance. Remember, if your fiance does end up forgiving you and you do get married don't risk your marriage and cheat on him again. He doesn't deserve to be treated like that. As for the relationship between your fiance and this guy don't get involved and try persuading your guy to forgive him or whatever. All this is up to your fiance once it's all out in the open. Hope i've helped.
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