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female
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anonymous
writes: I am getting married in less than 3 months to a man that I love and have been dating for 2 years. My problem is that I still have feelings for an ex-boyfriend who I dated for 41/2 years. I tried to dismiss my thoughts because my fiancee makes me happy but keep wondering what if I got together with my ex. My ex is still in love with me and wants to marry me. They are both incredibly sweet and kind men. I need some advise on what to do!!!!!!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 April 2006): From this stand point, it's obvious that you love your ex more than your fiance. How can I tell? Despite that you've said your fiance is a sweet caring considerate man, the emphasize of your message is about your ex boyfriend.
Aside from saving an existing marriage, I always believe that counselling are for people in denial, who wants to be 'morally' swayed in what the bulk of westernized society wants people to be like. You know?
At least one thing I agree with Chachacha, is that you definitely have issues regarding the reasons why you and your ex broke up. In your heart, it is more important to realize those reasons and to see the "What if" factor succeed into reality, than to go through a marriage possibly regretting.
It's not supposed to be complicated, but I hope whatever choice you make, your fiance would come out not too heart broken.
(Ha! I'm waiting for the poor rating clicks coming now... 8] )
A
female
reader, chachacha  +, writes (18 April 2006):
Well you should postpone the wedding immediately - you can't make a lifetime commitment to someone if you are not sure about it.
Then, you need to understand:
(i) why did you split up with ex - are you perhaps glossing over the things that you didn't like that led to the split up?
(ii) why did you agree to marry your current bf? what do you like about him and what are your doubts / what is missing.
I suggest that you get counselling, and if appropriate, go to pre-marriage counselling (Relate or something) with your bf to explore things more.
And you should openly share your doubts with your bf - you can't start a lifetime commitments without total honesty.
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