A
female
age
36-40,
*beautifullm1nd
writes:Hi, I have an issue, I'm seeing this guy named alex, he's perfect for me! Sweet, funny, great sence of humor, and cute! I only get to see him like 2 times every two weeks, which sux! Well were "friends with benefits" he never officially asked me if I wanted to be his gf, but we are having sex and that's not the problem, the problem is...I'm getting attached! I knew this was bound to happen from the start! And he's a great guy but I want more, but I'm scared to bring up the girlfriend boyfriend conversation because I guess we both agreed on this whole friends with benefits deal wen we had sex without being with eachother..and I don't want to lose him. We got into a little argument last night about this, I told him I felt I was wasting my time and his, because we hardly see eachother! And I was getting tired of it! And he says, "so u don't want to see me any more"? and I didn't reply, (this was all on the instant messanger) so he calles and I don't answer, he leaves me a message saying "damn heather, u are so messed up not answering my call I was going to ask you to be my girlfriend but forget it" and I felt horrible this was the first time he said that to me! The next day he instant messages me saying "do u really want to stop seeing me" and I said no I want to keep seeing you. So now everything is back to normal exept were still friends with benefits! But I don't want that anymore I don't want to lose him i really like this guy he's everything I want, he never argues unless I start the argument, what do u advise?? Ill be honest I'm really attached but I don't want him to know! god knows I hate clingy guys!! I'm sure they feel the same..lol I just need to know how to get him to commit without him panicing! Or thinking I'm needy and clingy! Or should I move on? Please keep in mind he's perfect for me, but I want to be an official couple. Also I'm 19 he's 25 he should want commitment right?...or how should I bring up the conversation? What if he avoids it? Ugh I'm a mess! Well thanx love heather!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 October 2007): You think he is perfect for you?
Hardly, he is treating you like a piece of meat. He sees you 2 times a fortnight, you didnt mention it but obviously he has someone else.
If you think he is the perfect man you are destined for a life of broken dreams cause if this is the perfect man for you then you have a target on your forehead for every control freak out there who wants a bit on the side.
Dump him, you are 19 for crying out loud, do you really want to settle down at this age yourself? You will regret it and maybe end up in 20 years writing in to this page complaining over how you never lived your life when you were young. Get some girlfriends and go out on the town and party. Guys like this are not worth the effort.
p.s avoid control freaks, they are the guys who make you feel special at first then down the line tell you how they are not happy as you are not making the effort.
A
male
reader, Odders  +, writes (2 October 2007):
 Relax. If he wants to be ur bf just tell him that u want to be his gf, everyones happy, whats the problem? Nothing should go wrong, if u like him and he likes you then u shud go out. He sounds like a nice guy so just go for it.
Life happens, enjoy the ride
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 October 2007): From my experience, if you start off as friends with benefits you will not move to anything more enduring. If he wanted to be more he would have pursued it by now. Start dating other guys and don't set yourself up in this situation again.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 October 2007): The whole notion of friends with benefits sucks, please forgive me. That set-up was bound to cause this sort of thing. Whoever invented it must have been male, please pardon me for being bad! If you don't want a relationship, or don't know for sure that you do, why share such an extremely valuable and important intimacy? But it is not the end of the world, the problem you have is that by starting on that footing you now have to explain. So be clear now and don't be worried about rejection. Courage is what you need. It is your mixed messages that are probably causing some irritation. Say clearly, "Yes I want to be exclusive with you because I like you very much. Is that what you want to?" That is all you need to say. I really hope it works out for you. Remember this though and next time be sure that you have built the emitional intimacy and honesty up to a point where you know it is right, before you have sex. Then you won't be in this situation. If something is worth it, it is worth making that effort for. Will he be giving up his other friends with benefits for you? Does he have any? Do you know him very well?
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