A
male
age
41-50,
*DC
writes:Hello,Re:- Gay man who longs for straight sexI am 34 and live in East London but originally from a small town in the Borders. When I was at School I used to fantasise about men and woman fairly equally. However, I was never any good at talking, interacting or getting close to woman. When I was 19 I decided to come out as a gay man and really loved the Gay Lifestyle and independance that gave me, however gay sex (although I still willingly partake) has never been as great as a thought it would be. Even now I find it takes a long time to orgasm with a man. (Really hard work, and I only cum if I am the bottom)However, I do find that if I watch straight porn it can make me orgasm really quickly and its a more intense buzz. (Very nice feeling) I have actually had straight sex. (which I paid for - Not ideal I know.)I enjoyed the sex very much. I have a male partner of 3 years and am very happy with him and our life but I feel there is something missing in my sex life. Always comes back to sex with woman. To this day, I dont feel its easy to get close to woman and I think I find them kinda threatening in a way I dont feel with gay men. But I long for straight sex.What are these conflicting signals I am getting. How can I satify my need for some straight sex and what does this say about my sexuality. I dont think I want a girlfriend (but again I never been emotionally close to a nice girl to know) I certaimly dont want kids. Thank you so muchDDC
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female
reader, ttunipp +, writes (28 June 2010):
 Hey,I find myself in the very same position but I am a "Lesbian" I have been dating girls ever since I was 17 and married one last year. We are now going though a dissolution. Before I came out as Lesbian I had, had sex with men and enjoyed it I was young it was good and fun. Ever since I have been with woman I have found that the sex side of things was at best...fine. For a long time I have thought about having sex with the opposite sex and I kind of felt like there was something missing when i was with a woman. I loved the girl I was with it was all...fine. I really believe that sexuality is fluid it changes as you get older or different situations in your life can change how you feel about what you want out of life. It is all about coping...If you think you could cope with splitting with your current partner and explore your sexuality then do it! you only live once. If you like your life style at the moment and really don't want to jeopardise what you have and you think you can live without being sexually satisfied then let it stay as a fantasy.I split with my girl (there where far more reasons for this than me not being sexually satisfied although that was a big factor!) and the world is now my oyster it is my time to be greedy and find what I like and love.I wish you all the best and if you want to talk more about this then send me a message!Fiona.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 June 2010): Firstly, this is something you should maybe discuss with your partner. It seems at least fair that he's aware of it, even if you never do anything about it.
You have had straight sex with a woman (paid for, but I wouldn't judge you for that) and enjoyed it. You are now a fully qualified bisexual. Your situation is equivalent to guys who've been straight all their lives (for practical purposes, sexually) then try a man and love it and realise they want more.
It may also be the case that you find it MUCH easier to 'pull' men than women, even if you're equally attracted to them both. There are definite hints of this in your post:
'I was never any good at talking, interacting or getting close to woman'
'To this day, I dont feel its easy to get close to woman and I think I find them kinda threatening in a way I dont feel with gay men'
I find some women attractive, I really appreciate female beauty and have ended up in...er, physically intimate situations...with four of them. In fact I interact with women very comfortably, far more so than with straight guys. But they ALWAYS can tell I'm fundamentally gay/bi, even if we get chatting in broad daylight nowhere near a gay bar. And they've known and I've known that whatever goes on is somehow just a bit of fun, no contest in terms of a serious long-term prospect of turning me straight.
And your statements (the ones I've quoted above) might suggest that at age 34, depending on several factors (your 'masculinity', overall attractiveness, possession or lack thereof of the mysterious intangible 'X-Factor' that basically ensures 80% or more of the world's women have sex with 20% or less of the men) you have little realistic prospect of finding a willing female sexual partner without recourse to prostitutes, whereas there will NEVER be a shortage of willing up-for-it gay men (at least not until you're old and decrepit with a beer belly and horrible teeth, but I'm sure you look after yourself)
I would say: DEFINITELY feel free to explore your heterosexuality. But if you can't readily find women willing to help you out, that leaves the prostitute option, which opens a moral can of worms. If you do opt to 'use' a prostitute, please make sure it's a relatively expensive one in control of her own life, rather than a heroin addict walking the streets to finance her pimp's crack habit and minimise the extent of the beating she receives at the end of an already horrendous 'day at the office'.
Good luck!
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A
male
reader, groovymoving  +, writes (27 June 2010):
You're attracted to both genders. You are not gay, you are bisexual!You're willing to know how to satisfy your need for straight sex. Well, there are lots of adult dating websites on the internet and I'm pretty sure there are women who are looking for sex only. By which I mean sex without a relationship. However, if sex with strangers doesn't appeal to you and/or you think it counts as betrayal towards your partner... I can't help you on this one.
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