A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Okay. Basically I broke up with my boyfriend last week and I won't deny I have found it very hard. However I have a very close friend, who I have known for over a year, who revealed that he liked me and had done for sometime a few days after I broke up with my boyfriend. I never really had any feelings for this friend of mine as I saw him as just a friend. However over the last week he has really shown me another side to him, and well I won't deny I like it, and I am starting to have feelings for him too. I however, am not ready for another relationship, and I have expressed these feelings to my friend. However we have kind of started acting like we are seeing eachother, and we have been, well, just having fun so to say. I won't deny even though i'd like to, I do still have some slight feelings for my ex, but seeing as he cheated on me mutiple times, I didn't really see any point in sitting on my own feeling sorry for myself, and I kind of decided as I am quite sensible to just let my hair down and have fun. The one problem is, my ex is good friends with this friend of mine, and for some reason I feel really guilty about us kind of just acting like we are seeing eachother and just having NSA fun. I feel like i'm still going out with him, and what i'm doing is really bad, but as he cheated on me, I saw it as he was having fun while he was with me, so why can't I as we have broken up? Its hard when hes around us though, we have to act differently and pretend once again we are just frineds, as we don't want to upset him. People are starting to catch on though and think that I like him, so what do I do? Do I tell my ex? Do I keep it to myself untill the dust settles? Or something else? Thanks for reading.
View related questions:
broke up, cheated on me, my ex Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 March 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for the feedback. I've had a very eventful weekend which resulted in me, my ex and this friend of mine all staying in the same house. My ex knows, he found out from other sources, and he isn't faintly bothered as it turns out hes doing the same. I feel alot better now, I don't have to keep a secret and I don't have to feel like i'm doing something bad. Me and my ex, sat down and talked about everything really, he told me not to feel bad, and we said goodbye properly, not just over text but face to face. I feel as if a huge weight has been lifted from my shoulders and am now sure I would like to continue this little fling i'm having with my friend and well see what happens. I've also spoken to him, made it very clear that I don't want another relationship with him at the moment, and that this NSA fun is just fun. He has accepted that and is fine with it, i've already told him that hes going to have to wait if he does ever want to be in a relationship with me,and if when I decide I am ready to get back on my feet again, hes going to have to prove it. He has accepted and is happy with all of this, and yeah the whole loosing him as a friend bit is really the only down fall atm, but I will think about it when it comes to that. Thankyou for your advice, its muchly appreciated.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (15 March 2013):
 First rule to learn about breakups... YOU NEVER OWE AN EX an explanation of what you are doing or why you are doing it once you break up.
He's an ex. He has NO say in your life. You can be friendly and civil but probably NOT friends. I rarely see people who used to be a couple be able to be friends. Friendly or civil yes... but actual true friends. NO.
The fact that you are keeping the new relationship a secret is a bad sign. If you feel that it has to be a secret then there's a reason for that and it' probably means you are not ready to be dating again
and you can say NSA fun.... but it's not true.... if it was you would NOT CARE what others think or what to do.
I've careened from one relationship to another without a break... sometimes it's not a good thing... especially if it's someone you really don't feel THAT romantic way about.
Of course, if this boy who has always liked you as more than a friend, has given you the right feedback then your endorphins kick in and return those feelings even if it's just spur of the moment and temporary. I worry not about your feelings when you are done with him but his feelings when you are done with him. If he's really a good friend you have to consider that once you are over him, he won't be a friend any more.
...............................
|
