A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Ok so i have a problem, im totally happy until i hear about my ex doing something or read it on facebook.His mom and I are friends on facebook and today she posted that the family and she even mentioned his new girlfriends name were going sledding.Of course i go out and do things, but when i do i think of him. And whenever i just stay in for the night or dont do too much one weekend i always think that hes probably having more fun then me.Today it upset me when i saw that because i read that a rebound who is someone who basically transfers are there feelings for there ex onto a new person. I believe this to be true about him because we broke up and right after he dated a new girl and was saying all the things he said to me to her, but it took us time to really build those feelings and thats why they were really deep. I read messages he sent to her on his myspace and he just seemed like he was repeating everything he said to me just with less meaning it was deep stuff too and theres no way they even had half as much meaning.I also read that there feelings are very intense and very strong but there directed towards the wrong person or the real source of there feelings which would be (me). But it saddens me because i used to do stuff with his family i used spend all my time with him. And now its like all he does is keep her around to be happy. And the real reason im sad about it is because i have to wonder, is he even thinking of me? Since his mind is telling him from his intense feelings and everything that that she is the source of all of? Anyway im total happy by myself not doing anything every once in a while but i feel like when im doing it hes not and hes having a better time then me, but in reality i compare the beginning of there relationship to the beginning of ours-1. he couldnt stop doing cute stuff on myspace we would put pictures up of us we had cute sayings all of it. But with her she puts the date they started dating updates her status but he does none of it. Or when he does which is rare its like half as what he wrote about me.2. He looks sad in ALL his pictures he takes since we broke up even now that he is with her. 3. She doesnt want anyone to know that they date, which could be why they dont put pictures up BUT i cant see his facebook so i dunno wat he writes.But, basically it seems like this girl is there for company rather than real love, as i said he said all the same things to her but his words almost as seemed as though from the heart he wanted to say them to me but they were directed towards her.I just feel like he doesnt think of me at all but its weird some days i feel REALLY good and i feel that he is doing good even when i dont talk to him and other days im not so good even if im out and about. We always could tell what eachother was feeling it was really weird, now even though i've broken up with him i feel like i feel his pain because i can be fine and then something total hits me. We dont talk at all. Im continuing no contactsince we broke up 4 months ago we havent not talked for one month. So feb. 15th-ish will be like one month of not talking to eachother but even after this im not going to contact him even one bit as i haven't bcuz since hes the one involved im not gonna do the contacting.In reality, does your ex miss you? Do they think about you even while dating someone else? I really dont think its at all serious maybe to 1 person it might be but even though its gone on 4 months i dont think it is at all bcuz he cant be happy alone. So this relationship isnt based off love. He is the type to keep anything going as long as he can do keep from avoiding pain but his pain isnt buried deep, so i heard that no contact HELPS them think of u the longer ur go without contact. Does anyone have any similar stories? Sorry this is long, but does anyone have any similar situations where your ex seemed to just move on very quickly and now they dont seem at all happy or there with that person every moment just so they dont think of.Any advice, or similar stories would be great thanks a lot!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Lexie88  +, writes (8 February 2010):
 Argh, I meant to say "He's living his life while you're sitting there and analyzing everything."
All the best :)
A
female
reader, Lexie88 +, writes (8 February 2010):
I think you're really hung up on this and you're spending so much time and energy thinking about him, and her and you and him and the past and everything. For your own sanity, you need to stop.
Who initiated your break-up? Was it him? If it was and you didn't even want to break up, all of this must be so hard on you. What you're feeling is normal and you need to go through this process but don't drag it out, you'll go mental.
You and him are finished. I'm sure that he hasn't forgotten you but I doubt that he attached emotional significance to his thoughts if and when he remembers you. He's moved on. You make all these assumptions about his present relationship but you don't even speak to him anymore and you don't even know this other girl. What you're doing is only hurting yourself and wasting your time.
You say he looks sad in all his pictures, you think his feelings for her are not real, you think he's not happy, you think she's a rebound...etc. I think this is all wishful thinking on your behalf. He's with her because he wants to be with her and not because he misses you and really wants to be with you. We all do what we want to do and not something we don't
He's moved on and I'm sure he doesn't obsess over this like you're doing. I'm not trying to be harsh but you need to see the bigger picture. You need to mourn your loss of course but don't waste so much time on thinking about him. Think about your future, where do you want to go and what do you want to do? There is no point in wondering about all this when in the end it will get you nowhere.
Sorry if I didn't come on here and confirm for you that your ex really wants you and that he doesn't like his current GF, but I'm only trying to make you see that you're wasting your time. Forget him, he's not with you anymore and get out there and meet another man. He's living your life while you're sitting there and analyzing everything.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (8 February 2010):
 Sorry you're still struggling to cope after the break up. You are spending a lot of time working out his motivations and feelings and I think you are putting too much of your self-worth into this now. People do move on after breakups and I think your analysis, which there may be elements of truth to it, might be built more on wishful thinking.
At the end of the day, does it really matter what he's doing with his new girlfriend? He may not be the most imaginative boyfriend, but if I were you, I would assume that his feelings for me were real and valid and that however the relationship ended, it was good while it lasted. Wrap that up in a little package, tie a bow around it and tuck it away in your mental keepsake box.
Part of the problem is that you are still friends with his mother on FB. I think you need to hide her posts for now, you're spending too much of your thoughts on him and this family. It's too painful right now. Maybe with time, you'll be able to get some objectivity here, but for now, just let them go live their lives without you observing them.
Yes, he might be miserable, yes, she might be the rebound. But honestly, now it's not really your concern. You might be missing out on a great new guy because you're still doing a bit too much obsessing over the old one.
I hope you find the healing you seem to be hoping for. Good luck.
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